tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9761742416271366572024-03-04T15:23:31.539-05:00Shortstack AttackPop culture commentary, reviews, rants, and more!Shortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.comBlogger147125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-976174241627136657.post-42872644014128151112018-03-05T10:04:00.001-05:002018-03-05T10:04:19.866-05:00"Jersey Boys (Live)"This is one of my favorite movie musicals. When I saw an announcement that a touring production was coming to a local opera house, I got tickets the day the box office opened. Seeing it on stage exceeded even my highest expectations. For the uninitiated, <i>Jersey Boys </i>is semi-autobiographical movie of 1960's doo-wop sensations Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons.<br />
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Instead of the traditional two-act format, the story is told in four parts called "seasons." Spring goes back to the group's roots as a bunch of neighborhood guys from northern New Jersey singing under a streetlamp and struggling to find an identity. Summer is when the Four Seasons exploded onto the American charts with hits like "Big Girls Don't Cry." Fall details their struggles with personal issues coupled with the pressures of fame. Winter wraps up the show with a "where-are-they-now" segment and the Four Seasons' reunion performance at their Rock 'N Roll Hall of Fame induction. Each "season" is told from the perspective of a different group member, respectively: Tommy DeVito, Bob Gaudio, Nick Massi, and Frankie Valli himself.<br />
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One particular part of the production values reminded me of my high school and community theater days. (I promise I mean that in the most loving way possible). Minor characters such as Frankie's first wife Mary, mobster Gyp DeCarlo, club patrons, police officers, etc. are played by the same group of 6-8 actors and actresses. They'd go offstage for a while and reappear in a different wig/dress combo or uniform. It didn't detract from the experience because they're all such talented singers/dancers.<br />
<br />
The main four actors each brought something unique to the table:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Corey Greenan brought the perfect amount of roguish charm to his role as Tommy DeVito, founding member of the group. Tommy is a classic archetype all about wine, women, and song. The friend that you know always ends up in trouble but is too much fun to quit hanging out with.</li>
<li>Tommaso Antico as the youngest and most naive member of the group, songwriter Bob Gaudio, is so adorable I wanted to put him in my pocket and take him home.</li>
<li>One of my absolute favorite moments from the movie is when quiet Nick Massi finally has enough and goes on a rant about all the reasons it sucks to room with Tommy on tour. ("The man was <i>not </i>properly socialized!"). Chris Stevens executed that monologue to perfection.</li>
<li>Last and certainly not least, Jonny Wexler brought down the freakin' house as Frankie Valli. His singing voice is phenomenal; recreating such a distinctive sound cannot be easy. He's an equally gifted actor. I found myself shedding a few tears during the "Fallen Angel" scene.</li>
</ul>
If you're a fan of musicals or even just the Four Seasons themselves, I recommend you "Walk Like a Man" to the nearest tour location. I promise you'll come out saying, "Oh, What a Night."<br />
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Shortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-976174241627136657.post-74386359812140827652018-02-08T02:29:00.000-05:002018-02-08T02:29:04.644-05:00"The Greatest Showman"(Yes, I know I'm <i>really</i> late reviewing this). Ever since my teenage self saw <i>Van Helsing</i> one Halloween night, I've had a deep and abiding love for Hugh Jackman. C'mon, who wouldn't?<br />
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Anyway, the music that hits as the movie begins made the hair stand up on the back of my neck.<br />
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The urgent wails, the rhythmic clapping/stomping. The visual buildup is incredible too: the underside of old wooden bleachers that only reveal shadows of legs, the silhouette of a ringmaster in classic garb tapping his cane on the packed dirt floor. Even though we know circus godfather P.T. Barnum is being played by Hugh Jackman, they don't show his face for a while. And, oh, does Hugh have a set of pipes!<br />
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I've read about circus history, so I'm sure a LOT of liberties were taken with Barnum's life story, but that's really not the point of the movie at all. <i>The Greatest Showman </i>is a lot like musicals of yore where maybe there's a plot if you squint. The real star of the show is the music, choreography, and acrobatic stunt work. (I'll forgive the obviously CGI animals). Immediately after it was over, I rushed out to buy the soundtrack.<br />
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I was somewhat hesitant to see this in theaters because of my aversion to Zac Efron. His character was tolerable, but by no means my favorite. "Rewrite the Stars," his duet with trapeze artist Anne, is the only song in the movie I didn't like at all; Efron's performance is just too whiny for me.<br />
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The circus scenes caused a flood of emotions. Growing up, my grandma used to take me to Ringling Bros. Barnum & Bailey when they came through on their summer tour. I came out each time with a huge smile on my face, a glossy souvenir program, and dreams of becoming a tiger trainer like Mark Oliver Gebel. <i>Dumbo </i>was one of my favorite cartoons. I would beg to go to a local off-brand circus the years Barnum & Bailey didn't come to town.<br />
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The cruel irony is this movie ended up being released the same year Barnum's show shut down for good. I actually cried because the finale tour came nowhere near my hometown, preventing me from seeing my beloved circus one last time. This movie is the closest my kids (should I ever have any) will get to the experiences I had watching the magic that took place in those three rings.<br />
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An hour and 45 minutes, kid-friendly, fantastic production values, and the eye candy that is Hugh Jackman. What more reasons do you need to see this for the first (or fourth) time?Shortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-976174241627136657.post-9371303169235308762018-01-11T00:04:00.003-05:002018-01-11T00:08:01.400-05:002017: Year In Review<i>After a long hiatus for which I have no excuse, Shortstack is back! Overall, last year was a pretty good one for pop culture. Here's a summary of where my love for it took me this year:</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<b><u>Movies:</u></b><br />
I went to my local theater <i>a lot </i>last year. What I didn't catch in theaters, I saw via Redbox. My brief impressions of everything I saw.<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><i>Power Rangers: </i>Didn't quite live up to my memories of the original from the 1990's, but it wasn't unwatchable.</li>
<li><i>CHIPS: </i>Still can't believe I watched the whole thing; no wonder Erik Estrada wanted nothing to do with it.</li>
<li><i>King Arthur--Legend of the Sword: </i>Came out the day I graduated nursing school, so I dragged my boyfriend and family to the theater after the ceremony. Extremely disappointing, even though Charlie Hunnam was frequently shirtless.</li>
<li><i>Kong--Skull Island: </i>Absolutely loved it.</li>
<li><i>Wonder Woman: </i>Boyfriend Redboxed it. Pretty good, but I still prefer MCU.</li>
<li><i>Dead Again In Tombstone: </i>Another Redbox find. I love Danny Trejo, but found it hard to keep track of what the hell was happening.</li>
<li><i>Ingrid Goes West: </i>Aubrey Plaza at her darkly comedic best.</li>
<li><i>Guardians of the Galaxy--Volume 2: </i>Endlessly quotable with a kick-ass soundtrack and A+ casting in Kurt Russell as Peter Quill's estranged father.</li>
<li><i>Star Wars--The Last Jedi: </i>Boyfriend took me. Prior to this, I'd never seen a <i>Star Wars </i>movie all the way through and had zero interest in doing so. I spent the rest of that weekend binging the original trilogy (not gonna lie, the Porgs helped).</li>
<li><i>Spider-Man--Homecoming: </i>Tom Holland is 1,000% more likable than Andrew Garfield or Tobey Maguire.</li>
<li><i>Logan: </i>The ending made me bawl in the theater.</li>
<li><i>Thor--Ragnarok: </i>It's rare for a sequel to be almost better than the original. Really enjoyed the Hemsworth/Ruffalo bromance.</li>
<li><i>Kingsman--The Golden Circle: </i>Elton John's performance alone was worth the price of admission. A worthy follow-up to <i>The Secret Service. </i>Although I'm not happy they killed JB.</li>
</ul>
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<b><u>TV:</u></b></div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>After 6 amazing seasons, <i>Longmire </i>had its last roundup. Walt and Vic (finally) hooked up and admitted their feelings for each other. Henry got the happy ending he deserved. </li>
<li><i>Bates Motel </i>also ended with the expected amount of murder and mayhem. (RIP to yet another Kenny Johnson character, the incestuous Caleb Calhoun). The last man standing in the Bates clan was Norman's illegitimate half-brother Dylan.</li>
<li>Kenny Johnson wasn't gone from TV for long before being cast in the revival of <i>S.W.A.T. </i>as team driver and third-generation SWAT cop Dominique Luca. Add in Shemar Moore of <i>Criminal Minds </i>and you have a recipe for sexiness. There's also solid writing by <i>The Shield </i>showrunner Shawn Ryan.</li>
<li><i>Sneaky Pete, </i>Amazon's original series starring Giovanni Ribisi as a charming con artist quickly became something I recommended to all my friends.</li>
<li><i>Santa Clarita Diet. </i>Though I am by no means a fan of the zombie genre, I couldn't resist after hearing Timothy Olyphant was attached to it. He and Drew Barrymore are fantastically hilarious as husband and wife trying to cope with Drew's sudden appetite for human flesh.</li>
<li><i>Vice Principals </i>had a solid series finale. I only wish there was more of Walton Goggins as the delightfully foulmouthed and psychotic Lee Russell to look forward to.</li>
</ul>
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<b><u>Celebrity Encounters: </u></b></div>
</div>
<div>
Golly days, it might be easier to list who I <i>didn't </i>meet last year. My local comic con, though in a midsize Southern city, attracts some high-profile talent.</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>Theo Rossi AKA Juice from <i>Sons of Anarchy </i>and Shades from <i>Luke Cage. </i>"How you doin', doll?" the first thing he said to me in that New York accent made my knees go weak. I told him Juice was in my top 5 favorite Sons and he asked who else. I listed off Jax (of course), Opie, Chibs, and Kozik. "Really?" said Theo, "I don't hear a lotta people say that." Turns out he's also a big <i>Shield </i>fan and Lem was his favorite character too.</li>
<li>Robin Lord Taylor AKA Penguin from <i>Gotham. </i>My cousin and I both cosplayed as Penguinettes (complete with Cobblepot for Mayor buttons), which he thought was absolutely adorable. He was so flattered I have a cat named Oswald that he almost cried. </li>
<li>Jeffrey Dean Morgan. At an absolutely disastrous out-of-state con, measures meant to cut wait time made it worse. My cousin and I waited 4 hours (!!!!). When he heard how long we'd been waiting, Jeffrey said, "Fuck! I'm sorry, girls" and hugged us both.</li>
<li>Dee Wallace AKA Patricia of <i>The Frighteners. </i>Very sweet, mild-mannered little old lady. She did a guest role on <i>Supernatural </i>and gleefully described Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles as "yummy."</li>
<li>Traci Lords AKA Wanda from <i>Cry-Baby </i>and a vampiress in <i>Blade. </i>And also porn, per my dad. When I brought up <i>Blade</i>, she said, "That heatseeker guy [Kenny Johnson] was actually like super-nice? I don't know what happened to him? I think he's on some cop show now..." </li>
<li>Walter Jones AKA the original Black Power Ranger and Rondell Robinson from <i>The Shield. </i>Told him I was a huge Power Rangers fan growing up, but I really liked him as Rondell. "Oh yeah!" he exclaimed, "I was a beast on that show!" Walter danced me around his booth to "Don't You Worry 'Bout a Thing" by Stevie Wonder, making him one of my more memorable con meetings.</li>
<li>Danny Trejo. I love <i>Con-Air, </i>so I wore a fake cop badge and an Air Marshals Put the Bunny in the Box shirt to meet him. I also carried around a pink stuffed bunny in a box labeled POE. Danny's first question was, "What's with the bunny?" I told him what I was referencing. <br />He laughed and smiled, telling me this was the first time anybody had ever thought of bringing a <i>Con-Air </i>bunny. He asked where I got my shirt so he could get one just like it. Danny also insisted on the bunny being in the picture and signed the shoe box as Johnny-23, his character from the movie.</li>
</ul>
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2018 is already shaping up to be good. Got some fun plans in the works and will update my blog more often. </div>
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Shortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-976174241627136657.post-90854112917214882902017-11-19T03:27:00.001-05:002017-11-19T03:36:28.341-05:00S.W.A.T. Means "Pamilya"....And "pamilya" means "family."<br />
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Last week, we learned more about newbie Jim Street's background. His mom, Karen, is serving a prison sentence for killing Street's abusive father. She had made numerous domestic violence calls; nothing was done. She unsuccessfully argued self-defense, after which Street wound up in foster care.<br />
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This episode opens with Luca blasting Motley Crue's "Kick-start My Heart" as he cruises down the road in Black Betty (AKA the S.W.A.T. truck). The team is on their way to Venice Beach to take down a heroin dealer. Tan shows everyone a picture of Luca curled up on a couch, using his SWAT jacket as a blanket and surrounded by suitcases. "Not again," Chris comments. Hondo isn't thrilled about "Sleeping Beauty" living in the break room, but there's more pressing matters at hand.<br />
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The raid at the heroin house nets a surprise for the team: roughly 10 terrified Filipinos locked in a back room. Hostage Javier has a serviceable knowledge of English. Before he can say much, Javier starts foaming at the mouth and keels over from a heroin overdose. Hondo is able to give him Narcan and get him to the hospital.<br />
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Father Guzman, a Filipino priest, cautions Hondo that the survivors probably won't talk to the police, even though they aren't illegals. The hostages from the house are all licensed nurses with green cards. Hondo guesses they were forced to swallow balloons of heroin to cover the cost of airfare.<br />
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A homicide detective is also interested in the case. He's working the unsolved murders of several Filipino nurses who were found gutted. They were probably killed because they couldn't pass the drugs. The murder victims and the near-misses from the house all had their green cards sponsored by the same employment agency, which recruits staff for local nursing homes.<br />
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Street goes to visit his mom (played by Sherilyn Fenn) in prison. Last time I saw her was on the original <i>21 Jump Street, </i><a href="http://jumpstreetchapel.blogspot.com/2012/11/case-19-blindsided.html">trying to solicit Johnny Depp to kill her dad for molesting her.</a> Karen has a favor to ask of her little Jimmy. Her friend Deidra is getting out of prison next week and will probably stay with her abusive ex. Can Street warn the guy to stay away? He agrees to help Deidra.<br />
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There's trouble in paradise for Luca. His third girlfriend in as many years kicked him out of their apartment, hence his sleeping at work. Street snarks, "So you break up and the girls get <i>your</i> apartment? You need a new lawyer." A thoroughly un-amused Luca pleads to his teammates for a place to crash, but they all have their reasons for saying no:<br />
<ul>
<li>Tan took him in following the last breakup, during which time Luca ran up his grocery delivery bill.</li>
<li>Deacon has a new baby. Also, on another occasion Luca slept over, he let Deacon's son stay up all night playing video games; the kid was too tired to go to school the next day.</li>
<li>Luca ate all the food in Chris's fridge.</li>
<li>Hondo needs his sleep and lovingly describes Luca as "a frat boy his first day away from home."</li>
</ul>
<div>
Luca is upset with them, seeing their refusal as breaking SWAT code, a more sacred version of bro code. As a third-generation SWAT legacy, he takes tradition seriously. Luca is this show's "married to the job" cop, never wanting to settle down with anyone. It's not his fault the girls don't heed his warning.<br />
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Street's visit to Deidra's ex (a bad Channing Tatum knockoff named Trey) doesn't go as planned. He's still in uniform and Trey takes his picture. Things get heated and punches are thrown. Street ends up with a black eye and in handcuffs. Fortunately, the uniforms call Hondo as a professional courtesy so Street won't lose his job.<br />
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Street explains the ass-kicking was a favor to his mom's friend; he didn't feel like he could say no. Hondo advises him to choose a path: SWAT officer or loose cannon.<br />
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Hondo learns more about the drug traffickers. They'd force the nurses to swallow heroin in the Philippines, kidnap said nurse's family member, and have that person swallow heroin too. Both groups were threatened with their loved one's death if anyone talked to the police. Javier was just trying to get his son back.<br />
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The culprits behind the heroin muling operation turn out to be the nursing agency's owner and his Filipina wife. Both initially expressed horror, plead ignorance about the drugs, and swore they would never be involved with exploiting Filipinos. The SWAT team intercepts the couple before they flee the country on their private plane. They also rescue Javier's son Paul and the other hostages from a locked shipping container.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Hondo is disappointed in Street's conduct. He tells the rookie he's not getting off without punishment. His sentence? Rooming with Luca until the big guy finds another place to live. Luca is all grins, excitedly chattering about teaching Street to surf and kicking his ass at PlayStation. "We're gonna sleep at some point, right?" the rookie asks worriedly. I wouldn't bet on it...<br />
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Hondo visits Mama Street in jail and lets her know how badly her little "favor" could've screwed up Street's career. He found out Deidra's story about Trey the abusive shithead was a lie. Karen's real concern was Deidra could horn in on her turf of smuggling and selling contraband in the jail. Hondo doesn't appreciate Mama Street taking advantage of her kindhearted son.<br />
<br />
Shemar Moore always plays the kind of guy who sees himself as a big brother to his younger, more vulnerable team members. Hondo fits in that category, especially when he issues a stern warning to Mama Street: "You mess with him, you mess with me. My family."</div>
Shortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-976174241627136657.post-60878728208834152592017-11-03T23:58:00.000-04:002017-11-03T23:58:45.908-04:00Rolling With "S.W.A.T."This concept has had a couple of iterations over the years: a TV series that only lasted from 1975 to 1976 and an early 2000's movie starring Colin Farrell and Samuel L. Jackson. (I really like both those actors, but that was a resounding "meh" for me).<br />
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This show has really been hyped by CBS because it features headliner Shemar Moore of <i>Criminal Minds </i>fame. He's definitely talented, but longtime readers of this blog know who my favorite star is: Kenny Johnson. Add <i>The Shield </i>showrunner Shawn Ryan into the mix and it's a recipe for success.<br />
<br />
With much anticipation, I sat down with a bowl of popcorn to watch this week's premiere episode.<br />
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The show opens with LAPD's SWAT team involved in a high-speed chase. The bad guys they're pursuing abandon their vehicle and attempt to carjack a family. In the process of saving them, a black teenager gets caught in the crossfire. He is seriously wounded by team leader Buck.<br />
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The consequences are swift. The next morning, a televised press conference is held and Buck is removed from the team. Next in line for his position is David "Deacon" Kay (Jay Harrington). However, due to the racial nature of the shooting, Daniel "Hondo" Harrelson (Shemar Moore) is promoted to team lead. Hondo protests his colleague being passed over, but is told he's running the team whether he wants to or not.<br />
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The rest of Hondo's team consists of driver Luca (Kenny Johnson), K-9 handler/token female Chris (Lina Esco), and new recruit Jim Street (Alex Russell). (He looks so young I'm surprised they don't call him 21 Jump Street). We learn that Street isn't the greatest team player. Chris is in the process of finding a new four-legged partner, as her last one has retired due to hip problems. Luca remains a muscular mystery.<br />
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During a community rally, two white people are shot as retaliation for what happened to the teenager. Racial tensions escalate and it's up to Hondo and the team to defuse the situation.<br />
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I appreciate that the pilot didn't go straight into info-dump mode. It just scratched the surface of most of the characters, letting us see how they work as a team.<br />
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The character we know most about so far is Hondo, who faces the pressure of bridging two worlds. As a resident of his old neighborhood asked, "Are you black or blue?" He also has a forbidden romance with their captain, Jessica. Baby Girls in the audience will appreciate the shirtless boxing scene and steamy shower romp. (The episode also features Kenny Johnson boxing in a muscle shirt and arm-wrestling Street).<br />
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Like its predecessor <i>The Shield</i>, <i>S.W.A.T. </i>mixes action with a dose of humor. A group of women in a beauty shop watch as the SWAT Team strolls in to chat up one of the stylists. The parade of gorgeous men causes one woman to remark, "One for each of us." Chris appears at the tail end of the line, so another patron adds, "And one for Denise."<br />
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I definitely enjoyed it and will be a faithful viewer.<br />
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Shortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-976174241627136657.post-38551313387567472492017-11-01T00:07:00.001-04:002017-11-01T00:09:20.686-04:00Top 10 Quotes: "The Frighteners"<i>Wow, have I neglected this blog! Life as a new nurse has gotten in the way. Coming back with this slightly late Halloween-themed post.</i><br />
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1. <b>Milton: </b>You are violating my territorial bubble!<br />
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2. <b>Cyrus: </b>I could complain too, ya know. I would like some new clothes. You get to dress nice. Here I am still looking like Linc from <i>The Mod Squad.</i><br />
<b>Frank: </b>You died in the '70s. It's a bummer.<br />
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3. <b>Ray: </b><i>(after Frank runs over one of his lawn gnomes) </i>My Budzo! I've got your license plate number, you bastard!<br />
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4. <b>Cyrus: </b>Ah, the old express bus to hell. No lines, no waiting.<br />
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5. <b>Ray: </b>I'm gonna sue your ass!<br />
<b>Frank: </b>Let's not get litigious, all right? Send me a bill.<br />
<b>Ray: </b>(<i>reads Frank's business card) </i>"Frank Bannister, Psychic Investigator"? How come you couldn't see the corner coming?<br />
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6. <b>Old Lady Bradley: </b>You don't know who my daughter is, do you? Patricia's not to be trusted.<br />
<b>Lucy: </b>I beg your pardon?<br />
<b>Old Lady Bradley: </b>I can have her locked up any time I want. They said she was an accessory after the fact. I know the truth. It was cold...blooded...murder.<br />
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7. <b>Lucy: </b><i>(sees young Patricia in a documentary about the Fairwater Sanatorium murders) </i>That's her! I was in her house this afternoon.<br />
<b>Ray: </b>Oh, that's terrific, honey. We've been in town for 3 months and you're making friends with the Manson family.<br />
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8. <b>Judge: </b>When a man's jawbone drops off, it's time to reassess the situation.<br />
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9. <b>Frank: </b>Persistent residue of the departed. Always a problem this time of year.<br />
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10. <b>Ray: </b>They shoulda fried her when they fried Bartlett.<br />
<b>Lucy: </b>She was fifteen years old. You know, she just fell in love with the wrong guy. <i>(pointed look) </i>Could happen to anyone.Shortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-976174241627136657.post-78107510464253465152017-08-19T12:44:00.001-04:002017-08-19T12:44:10.336-04:00The Strike Team Gets "Postpartum" Depression (The Shield: Season 5, Episode 11)<b>Thank you, Kurt Sutter and Shawn Ryan, for creating one of the single most gut-wrenching hours of TV I've ever seen. Emmy-worthy performances by everyone in the cast, especially Kenny Johnson and Walt Goggins. Have some tissues ready, folks. </b><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Previously on: Lem saved Kavanaugh's life during a raid on a Salvadoran grenade-smuggling ring. Guardo, who was in charge of the operation, got away. Kavanaugh repaid Lem's kindness by redoubling his efforts to have Lem locked up. Vic had revenge sex with Kavanaugh's ex-wife Sadie.</i><br />
<i><br /></i><i>Lem, who's been getting progressively sicker from his ulcer, struck a deal that would make him eligible for parole in 18 months. Antwon menaced Vic about how there are One-Niners in every California prison who'd love a piece of Lem; the only way to buy him protection was for the rest of the Strike Team to help Kern Little rob a police warehouse. Things went south and Antwon went back on his word. </i><br />
<i><br /></i><i>Vic dropped this bombshell at Lem's going-away party, hours before Lem was supposed to turn himself in. The new plan is to smuggle Lem into Mexico. Lem didn't want to, but Vic said that it was the only way to keep him alive. </i><br />
<i><br /></i><i>The police chief gave Kavanaugh 48 hours to tie up loose ends in the investigation, so the Rat King went knocking on the door of the former Mrs. Mackey.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>"Why are you here?" asks Corinne. Kavanaugh wants her to know he always liked her. He's sorry he couldn't tell her right away that he was IAD. Kavanaugh complains that he's exhausted and hasn't been able to eat lately. Neither has Lem, so I'd call that karma. Corinne, in a tank top and sleep shorts, says uncomfortably, "I'm gonna put on a robe."<br />
<br />
Shane is sitting on the courthouse steps, smoking. Ronnie and Becca are there too. She wonders what's going on; Lem's half an hour late. "If I was going to jail for 18 months, I wouldn't be in a rush either," shrugs Vic. He's sure Lem will show up.<br />
<br />
Corinne wants Kavanaugh to leave. When she turns around to unlock the door, Kavanaugh presses against her and tries to untie her robe. Corinne shouts for him to stop, which he actually does. He asks if Corinne sees how lonely Vic has left the two of them. Corinne isn't lonely; they both need to move on with their lives.<br />
<br />
Kavanaugh grabs her by the shoulders. If he takes on Vic and wins, he needs to know she'll be okay. No mention of the children. Corinne doesn't want to be without Vic. Just then, Cassidy comes out of her room. Kavanaugh hastily lets himself out. Corinne is visibly shaken.<br />
<br />
Lem has found himself in a trailer, just like his white trash relatives Ronnie mentioned two episodes back. He's trying to cook soup, but the hotplate won't turn on. There also seems to be something wrong with the filthy toaster oven.<br />
<br />
Outside, there's a loud bang and Lem almost jumps out of his skin. He grabs his gun. The ruckus turns out to be a neighbor moving some especially heavy trash. Lem sighs; he's cracking up and he knows it.<br />
<br />
Vic has just found out Kavanaugh spent all morning at Corinne's: "Did he try to touch you?" Corinne wonders why he'd ask that. Vic gives her the news that Lem didn't turn himself in and pretends to have no idea where he is. Kavanaugh wants to hurt Vic through her, which Corinne already knows. Vic advises her not to let Kavanaugh in if he shows up again. I doubt she'll have any problem listening to him on that front. Corinne tells Vic to be careful.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">To quote Severus Snape<br />
(<a href="http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/1b/1bf709b2429e5524be7d64f7cd0cfea7ff1c3f8b36dc932365984fd69343dad1.jpg">Image credit</a>)</td></tr>
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Kavanaugh, sitting in the clubhouse, asks, "Where's Lemansky?" Vic repeats he doesn't know. Kavanaugh chuckles that, once again, Lem got screwed. He warns Vic that he, Shane, and Ronnie could get in major trouble themselves for aiding and abetting a fugitive. IAD will be keeping tabs on all of them until Lem is caught. The Rat King creepily whispers, "Thank you for bringing me back into your life."<br />
<br />
The rest of the Strike Team has a powwow in the weight room nobody seems to use. Shane talked to the <i>federale</i> who helped make gangbanger Doomsday disappear. Lem will meet the <i>federale </i>in Tijuana and go to a safehouse in Ensenada. Ronnie immediately sees a problem with this plan: "That's wall-to-wall wetbacks. Surfer boy will be a little obvious."<br />
<br />
The <i>federale'</i>s brother lives on a goat ranch in the mountains of San Ignacio, Belize. He's only asking for $2,000, plus a favor to be determined later. The guys can wire money to Lem via Guatemala. Shane will set Lem up with cash to use in the meantime. Their main problem now is how they'll pull off getting Lem to Tijuana with IAD watching. "We do it how we always do: right under their noses with a goddamn smile," Vic replies.<br />
<br />
Claudette pulls Vic to help her with a case. Half a dozen Crown Vics were blown up with hand grenades in a parking lot. Fortunately, nobody was hurt. They're joined by Agent Gallagher of the DEA. Shouldn't the ATF be handling this? Agent Gallagher explains the cars were government-issue; they've been running an investigation out of a nearby travel agency.<br />
<br />
Agent Gallagher isn't impressed that Guardo escaped. When he sasses the newly appointed Captain Claudette, she gives it right back to him. Claudette also warns Vic, "That renegade shit's not gonna fly on my watch."<br />
<br />
Unable to cook anything, Lem tries to get some rest on the couch. That isn't working out because a neighbor's kid is crying and someone else has their stereo up too loud. He tucks his gun in his back pocket as he goes outside. It doesn't take him long to find the trailer housing the screaming kid. The door is locked and nobody is home. Not a problem for Lem; he just jerks the screen door right off the hinges.<br />
<br />
Lem follows the sound of crying to the kitchen, where a young black boy is sitting against the cabinets. There's broken glass and milk all over the floor, plus a little blood. The boy's sister is on the other side of the room. "Where's your mommy?" asks Lem. The little girl replies, "Gone."<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">This picture of Lem and the kid gives me all the feels.<br />
<a href="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BMjI0NTg3MDk5Ml5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwNDI0OTQ1MjE@._V1_UY268_CR87,0,182,268_AL_.jpg">(Photo credit)</a></td></tr>
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Lem asks for the little boy's name, but he's crying too hard to answer. "Wendell," says the sister, pronouncing it Wen-dell. Lem wets down a dish towel. "It's gonna be okay. It's just a little cut," he reassures the kid. I wonder if this situation is giving him childhood flashbacks; a softhearted guy like Lem wouldn't estrange himself from his family without a good reason.<br />
<br />
"What the hell is goin' on in here, guys?" demands a pudgy white man. He calls for his wife Lisa. "It's okay, I'm a cop," Lem says out of sheer habit. The man notices the revolver sticking out of Lem's jeans and shouts, "Lisa! A gun! Call the police!" Not a word about whether or not the kid is okay.<br />
<br />
Lem has wrapped the dish towel around Wendell's hand, instructing the sister, "Hold this tight until someone gets here." He sprints back to his own trailer, grabs his gym bag, and leaves. Neighbors have run into the street. "That's the guy," says Lisa's Hubby, "I told you somethin' wasn't right with him."<br />
<br />
At a pool hall, Vic asks a shady guy what he knows about Crown Vics getting blown up in a DEA parking lot. When the guy doesn't answer, Vic breaks a pool cue over his knee. The guy explains his gang's second-in-command Osorio was busted by the feds; they were sending a message. He's the third guy to tell them that today. According to Vic, that "means it can't possibly be true."<br />
<br />
Ronnie gets a phone call and hangs up, looking tense. Kavanaugh might've found the trailer where they stashed Lem. The sheriff's department was just called there for a disturbance. Vic doubts Lem has been arrested; they would've heard.<br />
<br />
Shane starts, "Maybe they found him and he was--" Vic cuts him off: "There's no way he'd eat his gun." Shane reminds him that they told Lem not to contact them, no matter what. Vic just needs them to pull together so Lem can go to Mexico tonight.<br />
<br />
Kavanaugh is already at the trailer park. A neighbor identifies Lem from his mugshot. He tells Kavanaugh he heard a noise, went to check, and found Lem with the bleeding kid: "Said he was a cop. The whole thing seemed weird, so I had my lady call the real cops."<br />
<br />
Next time the neighbor saw Lem, he was running away: "Funny thing was, big guy like that with a gun and all, he still looked awful scared." And with damn good reason.<br />
<br />
Emolia is at the Barn, claiming she has information on the car bombings. Claudette tried to pass her to DEA, but Emolia would only talk to Vic, even though there's bad blood about her testifying against Lem.<br />
<br />
Guardo was supposedly hired to guard a Colombian cocaine shipment coming via Mexico: "Guardo's a crazy shithead. Anything to blow something up." The contact is Aldo, a Mexican grocery importer. Emolia doesn't know when or where the drop-off is.<br />
<br />
Vic doesn't trust Emolia anymore, so he wants her to cite her source. Emolia won't say unless she gets paid upfront; she needs the money so she and Sebastio can live with her sister in Seattle. Shane asks if Lem is going to Seattle too: "Oh, that's right, he can't because he's gonna be in prison."<br />
<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Well, he got the Washington State part right. Wrong city.<br />
(<a href="http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/sonsofanarchy/images/d/d1/Kozik_2.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20101207233544">Photo credit</a>)</td></tr>
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Shane thinks this is some way for Emolia to pay Vic back after everything he did to help her. Emolia rolls up her sleeves, revealing bruises on her arms: "I slept with this scumbag Ignacio to get this info for you." Two of Ignacio's friends then raped her. "If you made different choices from the beginning, none of us would be ripped up right now," says Vic.<br />
<br />
Becca meets Lem in the park. He's incognito, Captain America style with a ballcap pulled down over his eyes.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">It doesn't really work for Lem either.<br />
<a href="https://images.moviepilot.com/images/c_limit,q_auto:good,w_600/kqskdwixxqvzbq4vrfmb/chris-evans-goes-incognito-on-the-captain-america-civil-war-set.jpg">(Photo credit)</a></td></tr>
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Lem links arms with Becca, saying, "Make it look like we're on a date." She shakes loose; she can't help him flee the police. "All right, make it look like a lovers' quarrel then," he shrugs.<br />
<br />
Becca advises Lem to turn himself in. That turns out to be exactly what he wants to do. But first, Lem wants assurance he'll do his time someplace without One-Niners: federal prison back East. She explains that going fugitive invalidated the deal he had. Lem is willing to plead to federal charges if he has to, admit to everything.<br />
<br />
"You can't serve them your head on a platter," says Becca. Lem points out, "Kavanaugh's not gonna stop 'til he's carving me up." She can tell the feds about the money train heist, which he claims to have pulled off alone. He has nothing to say about Vic, Ronnie, or Shane.<br />
<br />
Becca asks a logical question: Why did he run in the first place? Lem argues that he's not running, even though he is. Becca knows Lem doesn't have a chance in hell of getting a new deal unless he gives up the others: "You have to think about yourself. This one time."<br />
<br />
She might be able to spin the facts as the Strike Team spreading drug money around to prevent gang wars. Lem shakes his head. The Armenian money train was armed robbery, plain and simple; people died because of it. He can't give up the others because they'd all end up doing life. "Open your goddamn eyes to who we are!" Lem snaps.<br />
<br />
Becca blinks. She didn't know people died. Lem reminds her, "This is all attorney-client privilege." He'll turn himself in as soon as she makes a deal that involves doing time back East. He'll call in a few hours to see how that's going.<br />
<br />
Dutch burns his fingers and spills his drink while trying to get it out of the coffee vending machine. Claudette assigns him and Billings to interview a woman who was assaulted. Dutch doesn't want to work with him. Claudette tells him that's too bad because Billings is his new partner as of now.<br />
<br />
Dutch walks outside with an ice pack on his hand while Billings whines about being unfairly demoted: "No respect. Claudette is even moving my desk where everyone can get a good gander Caesar lying in a puddle of blood." Dutch raises an eyebrow: "So in this story, <i>you're</i> Caesar?" Dutch wants to drive, but Billings declares he gets carsick.<br />
<br />
Dutch wonders why Billings doesn't transfer if he feels like he got such a raw deal. It's a matter of convenience; Billings is used to his commute routine and counting down his 56 months until retirement.<br />
<br />
Vic and the guys go to a grocery store. Aldo is an idiot and has a charcoal grill crackling away inside. To quote Lou from <i>Rescue Me, </i>"Someday, science is gonna be able to isolate the gene that makes people think barbecuing indoors is a good idea." Vic has heard rumor Aldo imports more than Mexican sausage. Aldo says all his goods are legal, which Vic doubts.<br />
<br />
How about he and the guys hang around a while? Aldo tells them closing time is 7:00. Vic has a hunch he'll stay open late to take delivery of Colombian cocaine. He's willing to keep Aldo's name out of it if he tells them what time the shipment arrives; they'll bust the Salvadorans afterward.<br />
<br />
By the way, how is Aldo at export? Vic needs a package overnighted to Mexico. "How big?" asks Aldo. Vic replies, "About 6'2"."<br />
<br />
Vic pays a visit to the hospital, where Danny is holding a bouncing baby boy, named Lee after her dad. There's a long beat as they both look at the newborn. Vic asks if she needs anything. Danny's mom is flying in from Maryland tomorrow and her two brothers are coming over the weekend: "I got more help than I know what to do with." Vic hands over a wad of cash, her cut from the baby-daddy pool. When it comes to newborn Lee, Vic:<br />
<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">(<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQFsDyp69sxWzzxURpxZW6BDbqxOmCEYtGoevvc4m1OCVEFoigRmBvfeMAECBrLbT8x9HsUjbgSYdcYUL53kbF2GFKvRpLirN1ARuye7GcIXHvwGOOPZXSVtit72yAH1HdcKyOxETp7zUI/s1600/you+are+the+father.jpg">Image credit</a>)</td></tr>
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Danny lets Vic hold Lee. Vic says everyone decided to give Danny the money, almost $3,000 in total. "When he's old enough and he asks, I'll tell him," Danny promises. Vic agrees to that.<br />
<br />
The guys see Becca talking to Kavanaugh and Edgar-veda. "You think of any scenario where that's a good thing?" Shane whispers. Upstairs, she says Lem wants to turn himself in. Kavanaugh tells her she's obligated to disclose his whereabouts if she knows. Becca is aware of that. "Curtis knows where the Barn is if he wants to turn himself in," adds Claudette.<br />
<br />
Becca tells how Kavanaugh plotted with Antwon to jeopardize Lem's life during incarceration. This would pressure Lem into testifying against Vic and the others. Becca wants Lem protected until that accusation can be investigated. He'll take the same deal he had before.<br />
<br />
Edgar-veda says that's a no-go; Lem ran. Becca says Lem has promised to plead to new charges in exchange for serving his time in federal prison. By the way, IAD's investigation against Lem is now in the hands of the police committee due to Kavanaugh's misconduct.<br />
<br />
Kavanaugh still wants to be the one who finds Lem. He orders surveillance teams to be put on Vic and the others. "You burned your bridges with the chief," says Edgar-veda. Claudette can't spare any manpower.<br />
<br />
Vic follows Becca to the parking lot. He has to know if Lem is okay. "Privileged information," she says tersely. Hasn't Vic done enough damage? Should they discuss the armed robbery of the money train or Terry's murder? Becca knows what really happened: "I let you touch me. It makes me sick." She no longer finds it hard to choose between being Vic's friend or Lem's lawyer.<br />
<br />
Tori the assault victim didn't see her attacker because she was trying to cover her face. Hey, It's Her! Ally Walker played loved-to-hate-her ATF Agent Stahl on <i>Sons of Anarchy. </i>Dutch remarks that this is a rough neighborhood even in daylight. Tori volunteers as a tutor at the nearby community center.<br />
<br />
Billings asks her to come to the station and look at mug books, even though she didn't see anything. Dutch pulls him aside; it'd be better for her to call if memories come back. Billings inquires, "Why don't you figure out another way to get her phone number?" He tries to throw the nonexistent clout he had as acting captain.<br />
<br />
A witness comes forward. She saw Tori arguing with someone; the guy took Tori to the ground and started hitting her. Their suspect parks up the street in his green cab, waiting for fares. Billings wants to ask why Tori didn't mention an argument. Dutch would rather talk to the suspect first. He's on the phone trying to find out who owns the precinct's vending machines.<br />
<br />
Lem calls Becca from a payphone. She lets him know his offer is under consideration, but there was no hint at whether it'd be accepted. Lem asks her to get a message to Vic. Becca can't without breaking the law, so Lem changes his mind. She warns him that Kavanaugh will be merciless, like he doesn't already know.<br />
<br />
At this point, only one other option exists for Lem: witness protection. He says no way. Becca sighs, "Curtis, you're the one with a heart, but now use your head." This isn't about head vs. heart to Lem; it's about not betraying his family.<br />
<br />
Ronnie thinks Lem held out as long as he could. "He'd run before he would rat," Shane disagrees. Well, how else did they find out about the money train? Vic calls it an educated guess. They know Lem would find a way to tip them off if they were under suspicion. "Or he wouldn't if his deal meant us going down," says Ronnie. Shane won't believe that until he sees it.<br />
<br />
Vic is sure Lem is avoiding them to protect them. They'll meet him at midnight and get him to Mexico. "On whose nickel?" asks Ronnie. Dirty <i>federales </i>don't take American Express. Shane pulls out a check Mara wrote when he told her that Lem was in trouble. The first truly unselfish thing Mrs. Vendrell has ever done. $5,000 should be enough to "keep him in burritos and beer" for a while.<br />
Vic tells Ronnie to cash the check, keep half, and wire the rest.<br />
<br />
When he's gone, Vic theorizes Lem could've opened his mouth about Terry. That would give credence to what's otherwise a rumor. "Terry was a decision that we both made." says Shane. Vic forced him to and he feels bad about it: "Lem's gonna hafta hide under a rock for the rest of his life. That's on me too." Shane asks how "skewering Lem" helps anybody; Vic had to do what he did.<br />
<br />
Vic asks Edgar-veda what was going upstairs. Edgar-veda wants to talk later, but Vic is running out of "later." Do the two of them still have an alliance against Kavanaugh? Or does Vic need to break out his flamethrower and start scorching the earth?<br />
<br />
Edgar-veda gives Vic the details: Lem wants his original deal back, but Kavanaugh won't allow that. Additional charges will be filed because he went on the run. The Rat King was put back on the investigation when Lem became a fugitive. Claudette plans to call the D.A., but for some reason, she wants to give Kavanaugh the opportunity to find Lem. Edgar-veda refuses to get involved with aiding and abetting.<br />
<br />
Dutch's suspect Gilbos claims he was driving his taxi at 8 AM. Dutch knows he was seen arguing with and then punching Tori. Does he just go around beating women on the street or did they know each other? Gilbos doesn't answer. "You just like knocking the shit out of random strangers. Works for me," says Dutch, starting to leave.<br />
<br />
Gilbos calls out that picking up a prostitute "doesn't mean I deserve to get rolled and robbed." Tori set him up. As soon as he was ready to, uh, get down to business, two black guys came and beat him up. Dutch knows Gilbos he's lying; Tori is a volunteer tutor for at-risk kids.<br />
<br />
"That whore flagged my cab. Offered me anything in the book for a C-note." Tori's not only a very conservatively-dressed hooker, she's not a very pricey one. She even had Gilbos pick out a motel. The guys stole his wallet and a chain Gilbos' mother gave him. Tori should be arrested, not him,<br />
<br />
"So did you find him?" asks Tori. Dutch confirms they did. Tori's glad to hear it. Will they call her if she needs to testify or whatnot? Billings talked to the community center director; Tori really does volunteer three afternoons a week.<br />
<br />
Dutch comes right out with, "Are you a prostitute?" Tori scoffs, insulted he'd even think that. Dutch informs Tori she's now a suspect in an assault/robbery. Tori wants a lawyer.<br />
<br />
Out on the grocery store loading dock, cocaine is being put in the van. There's no sign of Guardo yet. Shane observes that an El Camino full of Mexican chicks has driven past the Strike Team van twice. Vic is fairly certain they aren't connected to Kavanaugh. Ronnie has successfully wired the money and set up a meeting in Tijuana. Lem himself is the last piece of the puzzle.<br />
<br />
Dutch tells Claudette he's filing for a transfer so he doesn't have to work with Billings. Claudette thinks they can work things out. Dutch only stayed at the Barn because Claudette was his partner. Now that she's captain, it's time for him to go elsewhere. Claudette knows she can't change his mind and agrees to help with the paperwork.<br />
<br />
Billings has more background on Tori. She has an M.B.A. and was an account manager for a brokerage firm until she was fired 6 months ago. They let her go after she quit showing up to work. Tori has no arrest record.<br />
<br />
Wallis, a black man in a velour tracksuit, enters with Officer Paula, saying he's Tori's lawyer. Claudette looks doubtful about that. Wallis asks if he can see his client or if he has to file for dismissal. Claudette tells Officer Paula to escort Wallis upstairs. She'll check his credentials.<br />
<br />
Ronnie says the DEA is tied up doing a sting in Compton; it'll be a few hours before they get there. The guys don't have that long because they have to meet Lem. The Barn has no available backup. Vic wants to go in. Shane thinks that's a bad idea; there are at least 6 guys. Vic argues they can't leave Lem hanging.<br />
<br />
Ronnie and Vic go one way, Shane goes the other. Vic breaks down the door. A few of the drug dealers get hit with the butt of Vic's shotgun. "I got rabbits!" Shane yells from the back of the house. "Let 'em run!" Vic calls back.<br />
<br />
Shane opens a box that ostensibly contains pork rinds. Underneath the bags, he finds hand grenades. Vic says Claudette can deal with booking the Salvadorans; they need to pick up Lem.<br />
<br />
Dutch is still on hold with the vending machine company. "Tyrez Wallis is no more a lawyer than I am a figure skater," says Claudette. In mock surprise, Billings exclaims, "Really?"<br />
<br />
It's time to go back upstairs to talk to her, but Dutch is too busy threatening whoever's on the phone: "I want the name of the owner of these machines right now or you will be sitting in a holding cell for as long as it takes me to track it down." Overreact much?<br />
<br />
Dutch hangs up and approaches Billings: "<i>You </i>own those machines? Isn't it illegal for department employees to profit from things like vending machines? Especially when you use your position as acting captain to create a de facto monopoly?" Billings sees it as a gray area. Is Dutch gonna snitch on him? Dutch smiles that he hasn't decided.<br />
<br />
When Claudette opens the interrogation room door, Tori and Wallis are having sex doggy-style. "Attorney-client privilege?" Claudette asks lightly. Dutch looks upset.<br />
<br />
Vic tells Claudette the bomb squad is investigating a threat made to an abortion clinic; they'll pick up the grenades later. Claudette reminds Vic he was supposed to fill her in on every step. He says there wasn't time because the smugglers were about to split up into two vans.<br />
<br />
Gallagher arrives to congratulate Vic on the bust. Guardo must really be feeling the heat and you won't like Salvadorans when they're angry. "Better watch your Crown Vics," the DEA agent advises.<br />
<br />
Vic pays Emolia. She'd be happy to find out where Guardo is. Vic says for another tip, there would need to be another buyer. Emolia apologizes for her crossroads deal with Kavanaugh: "I did it for Sebastio. You'd do the same for your kids." Shane has heard enough: "Take your rat money and your retarded rat-baby and get on the first bus--"<br />
<br />
Emolia shoves Shane against the lockers. Hell hath no fury like a mother whose child has been insulted. Vic grabs Emolia by the arms: "I showed you mercy once and it ruined my friend's life." She shouldn't expect mercy again.<br />
<br />
Edgar-veda says the police committee is amenable to a deal, but they want the maximum sentence of 10 years. If Lem turns himself in immediately, he'll be parole eligible in 4 years. Lem will be placed in protective custody, but they can't guarantee a location unless Becca's allegations turn out to be true.<br />
<br />
Kavanaugh talks to Edgar-veda in the observation room. Lem's new deal doesn't mention giving information on the rest of the Strike Team. This could be IAD's last chance to nail Vic to the wall. The Rat King wants Edgar-veda to scare Vic into leading them to Lem or catch Vic in the act. Edgar-veda knows Vic won't be that stupid; IAD is on high alert since Lem went on the run.<br />
<br />
Kavanaugh knows the Strike Team might've robbed the Armenian money train. Edgar-veda can make Vic think that Lem gave it up so he could get witness protection. IAD will follow the guys and catch them trying to get Lem out of the USA. The guys won't get a lot of prison time for harboring a fugitive, but they will lose their badges. Lem didn't talk; Shane and Ronnie might not be as strong.<br />
<br />
"Lem's talking," Edgar-veda tells Vic in the parking lot. Vic calls bullshit. Edgar-veda mentions the money train, which would explain Corinne having $65,000. "He's tired, he's scared, and he wants his freedom. And he doesn't wanna die at the hands of Antwon Mitchell." Not to mention he's sicker than a dog.<br />
<br />
Vic knows Lem isn't a rat. Edgar-veda lies the D.A. gave Lem no choice but to roll on the Strike Team. Edgar-veda himself could get in trouble because he was captain back then: "You get a message to your boy and tell him to shut the hell up." Vic would, but he doesn't know where Lem is.<br />
<br />
Edgar-veda shouldn't have told him all this, but Kavanaugh threatened him. Vic knows everything he does, so it's time for him to clean up this mess.<br />
<br />
Dutch will drop the soliciting charge if Tori talks about Wallis and Spank's involvement in robbing Gilbos. "Spank wasn't there when the cabby got rolled," she says. Dutch thinks she's afraid and offers protection. Tori isn't scared. She loves Spank for "dragging me out of a superficial, empty everything." She was nothing before they met.<br />
<br />
Billings heard Tori had a nice condo. "You equate a roof over your head to love?" she asks. Dutch understands her not wanting to be away from her boyfriend, but what does she think will happen when she's in jail? He'll just "set his sights on the next piece of Century City ass that comes his way."<br />
Tori slaps Billings in the face, saying things like "How dare you? You don't know us!" Dutch pulls her away and gets her back in the chair.<br />
<br />
Next door, Dutch announces that Tori gave up Wallis. Why would a smart, educated woman with a good job get mixed up with a scumbag pimp? Wallis explains he finds out what a woman needs to fill the hole in her heart and keeps filling it until she can't live without him, then takes it away: "That makes me God."<br />
<br />
Tori was an easy mark; her fiance left her for a younger woman: "I just kept telling old girl she was still the prom queen like back in the day. Sooner or later, all bitches break. If you're born a woman, I can make you my ho." Who does this guy think he is, Velvet Jones?<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.nbc.com/sites/nbcunbc/files/files/images/2015/4/21/140207_2721848_Velvet_Jones_School_of_Technology_anvver_3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://www.nbc.com/sites/nbcunbc/files/files/images/2015/4/21/140207_2721848_Velvet_Jones_School_of_Technology_anvver_3.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">"Call 1-800-I-Wanna-Be-a-Ho."<br />
(<a href="https://www.nbc.com/sites/nbcunbc/files/files/images/2015/4/21/140207_2721848_Velvet_Jones_School_of_Technology_anvver_3.jpg">Photo credit</a>)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Can he leave now that he's given the detectives a free course in "pimpology"?<br />
<br />
Vic, Shane, and Ronnie hang around quietly in the weight room. Shane asks if anyone else believes Lem made a deal. Vic says, "Maybe he felt like he had no choice." Becca could've talked Lem into it. The big guy has no clue about his new home on a goat ranch or the money they're wiring. Edgar-veda told Vic about the new deal. Shane thinks the ex-captain is bullshitting them.<br />
<br />
"We aren't gonna know what's inside Lem's head until we see him face-to-face," says Vic. They don't need an exit plan; they just need to tell him about Belize. "And if Lem <i>is </i>talking, it's because he believes that Antwon has marked him as a dead man behind bars." Once Lem knows about the plan, he'll go along with it, just like he always does. (And look at how much good <i>that's </i>done him).<br />
<br />
They'll go to the rendezvous point and assume Lem made a deal if he doesn't show up. If he does, they'll make sure he's onboard. "He'll be on board," Vic says confidently. Lem trusts them and Vic still trusts Lem.<br />
<br />
Kavanaugh, waiting in the parking lot, realizes the guys are taking different cars. He'll follow Vic and have his associate trail Ronnie. There's nobody to keep an eye on Shane, though. Vic calls Ronnie from the road to let him know they're both being tailed. He'd better get a hold of Shane.<br />
<br />
Shane's ringtone is, of course, "Dixie." Ronnie tells him that he and Vic are being followed. They have to lose them without looking like they're trying. Whoever loses their tail first will pick up Lem and hide him someplace until they can get back together as a group. Shane sighs, looking nervous as hell.<br />
<br />
Lem's generic rental car is parked on a dusty hill outside of town. He hears an engine approaching and hilariously tries to duck behind the front end, but relaxes when he recognizes Shane's truck. "I'm glad it's you," he says, giving Shane a hug. Shane tells Lem they have to get going; the Rat King is tailing Vic and Ronnie. Lem should meet him at an abandoned body shop on Mission.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://pm1.narvii.com/6030/6cec67187d2e8f22adb9ef8560f72f536182786b_hq.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://pm1.narvii.com/6030/6cec67187d2e8f22adb9ef8560f72f536182786b_hq.jpg" height="224" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">(<a href="http://pm1.narvii.com/6030/6cec67187d2e8f22adb9ef8560f72f536182786b_hq.jpg">Image credit</a>)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Claudette has been reviewing Tina's file and Julien's T.O. reports. She wants to know why Billings ignored the recommendation for dismissal. Billings felt Julien was too hard on her. Claudette lists off the problems: excessive force, contaminating crime scenes, and failure to identify an undercover officer. It's more like a sixth chance than a second.<br />
<br />
Billings knows Tina's fieldwork has a long way to go, but the kid has good instincts; that's why Dutch is mentoring her. Claudette clearly had no idea about this. "She's very intuitive," Dutch puts in. Claudette picks up the phone to have a union rep to start the dismissal paperwork. Billings cautions her against doing that.<br />
<br />
The former acting captain comes clean about the locker room camera and the pictures of Tina in her underwear that got leaked. He and Dutch handled it. "Uh, all <i>I </i>did was find the pictures," says Dutch. Billings scoffs, "You helped cover this up for a shot into Tina's panties." "Asshole," Dutch retorts, even though it's true. Claudette is free to spend her first few weeks as captain watching over a "full-time lawsuit" if she wants.<br />
<br />
At the former body shop, Shane parks curiously far away. Lem gets out of his car for a final look at Los Angeles: "Never thought it'd come to this." "Hasn't come to anything yet," Shane replies. He's going back to get Vic and Ronnie, then Lem will be on his way to Mexico.<br />
<br />
Lem doesn't relish the thought of <a href="http://knock-knock-striketeam.blogspot.com/2017/03/digging-your-own-grave-episode-42.html">ending up like Gilroy</a>. "You're not a miserable drunk," Shane points out, "It's gonna be different." Lem refuses to go anywhere. Shane asks if he really wants to spend the rest of his life looking over his shoulder for Antwon.<br />
<br />
"How the hell am I gonna live in Mexico?" asks Lem. Shane explains about the goat ranch in San Ignacio. They hired a <i>federale </i>to take Lem there. "It's beautiful, man. It's gonna be peaceful," Shane says almost dreamily. I'm starting to have <i>Of Mice and Men </i>flashbacks. Ronnie set up a bank account and "Mara and I even kicked in 5 grand for you."<br />
<br />
Lem still says no. Shane swears they'll keep skimming off drug busts so they can wire him money. Lem sighs, "I can't do that." Shane tells Lem to trust them; this will work. Lem wants to take the hit alone.<br />
<br />
Shane informs him, "Kavanaugh, Aceveda, the D.A., there's no other deal to make." They'll force Lem to give up the Strike Team. "Maybe not now. Maybe a year from now." And we're in <i>Casablanca </i>territory.<br />
<br />
Lem needs to take his one chance to get out of this. "I got it figured out," Lem assures his friend. Shane gets hostile: "Why did you even come back here tonight if you weren't planning on leaving?" Lem wanted to see the guys, his only family.<br />
<br />
"Don't do this, man," Shane pleads. Lem is (finally) starting to get suspicious and asks where Vic is. Shane says Vic will call when they lose their IAD tail. All is quiet for a few moments. Shane sighs that Mara is pregnant again, almost 3 months. Lem is happy for him.<br />
<br />
"Yeah, it's another mouth to feed," Shane says gloomily. Mara might have to go on bed rest, so he'll have to step up as far as finances go. "I hope I get to see the little guy," says Lem, then adds, "Or girl." Shane repeats "girl" over and over like Lem just predicted the future.<br />
<br />
Lem doesn't want Shane to worry about him. "Yeah?" Shane sniffles, his eyes wet, "It's all about family, right?" Distant sirens spook both of them. Lem asks what Vic and Ronnie will do if they can't lose the tail. Shane guesses they might double back to the Barn; he can call and find out. He pats Lem's arm and affectionately grabs the scruff of his neck, then tells Lem to move his car.<br />
<br />
Shane, knowing Lem's weak spot has always been his stomach, asks conversationally, "Did you get enough to eat today?" "No, man, I'm hungry," Lem replies. I bet he is after going all over town on foot. It just so happens Shane brought along some food. How thoughtful!<br />
<br />
Lem gets in his car. Shane goes to his truck and fiddles with something beside him. He brings a paper bag to Lem's window. Lem pulls out a plastic-wrapped sandwich and smiles, "My favorite." Shane starts double-timing it back to his truck. Lem turns and calls, "Shane? Shane!" Suddenly, the car explodes.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://media2.giphy.com/media/12NioTJwJKDRYs/200_s.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="236" src="https://media2.giphy.com/media/12NioTJwJKDRYs/200_s.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"<br />
<a href="https://media2.giphy.com/media/12NioTJwJKDRYs/200_s.gif">(Image credit)</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Shane manages to duck the debris. He walks over to the car and peeks inside. Lem is in really bad shape but not quite dead yet. Shane kneels beside the window, whispering, "I'm sorry." You are not, you duplicitous bastard! "I'm so sorry, buddy." Shane starts blubbering crocodile tears and walks away. "Lem! You know I'm sorry." Oh, you're sorry all right. A sorry excuse for a friend.<br />
<br />
Shane approaches the car, sees Lem is dead, and kicks the tailgate of his truck. You gave him a fucking grenade sandwich. What did you think was gonna happen? Shane gets in his truck and keeps on crying.<br />
<br />
Vic and Ronnie are waiting at the original rendezvous point. "What are we gonna do if Lem doesn't show?" Ronnie asks in a quivering tone. Vic says, "He will." No, he won't, thanks to Shane. Speak of the devil and he appears. Shane lies that he had to shake off his tail. They lean against Vic's car to wait for Lem, Shane acting like nothing happened.<br />
<br />
Dutch lets Wallis out of the cage. The pimp lucked out; the cabby couldn't ID him and Tori won't testify. Wallis promises to bail her out. Tina tells Dutch that Claudette wants her to spend more hours shadowing him.<br />
<br />
Dutch thinks Tina will be a great detective because people won't realize how smart she is. A pretty face can make people assume you're not intelligent. "I know, right?" Tina giggles. Dutch adds, "But you're not nearly as smart as you need to be." If he's mentoring her, Tina better make sure his time is being well-spent.<br />
<br />
People start rushing out of the Barn. An indistinct voice raises the worst kind of alarm: "Officer down."<br />
<br />
"He's not coming." Ronnie has no idea how right he is. Vic thinks maybe Lem had to hide; one way or another, he'll get a message to them. (Not without a fucking seance). Vic wants to wait as long as it takes.<br />
<br />
"Kavanaugh could be at our houses right now," says Ronnie. They have to leave. Vic sends Ronnie and Shane home. Shane the Betrayer wants to wait a while longer. So they do. Vic's phone rings.<br />
<br />
Claudette stands beside the car, looking sadly into it. "Your transfer's denied." she tells Dutch, "I need my best detective on this." Dutch knows the weapon was a grenade. With Guardo the Salvadoran weapons smuggler still on the loose, Claudette wants Dutch to start there.<br />
<br />
"Oh my God," Tina sobs, "Why?" The other cops are outwardly stoic. The rest of the Strike Team arrives. Vic is horrified by the sight of Lem's body. Shane pretends this is the first time he's seen the carnage. Ronnie puts a comforting hand on Vic's shoulder. In shock, Vic wanders toward the back of the car.<br />
<br />
"You happy?" demands Kavanaugh. Vic charges at the Rat King and they grapple. Vic slams Kavanaugh into a car, shattering the driver's side window. Tina shouts, "Stop it!" The two men start wrestling on the ground. Shane and Ronnie grab Vic; some uniforms more or less drag Kavanaugh away.<br />
<br />
Vic, gasping for air, announces, "We're gonna find whoever did this...and we're gonna kill him." Shane gets a <i>we're gonna do what now? </i>look on his face, but no one sees. End of Season 5 and the most heartbreaking, gut-wrenching episode of the series. I cried several times writing this recap.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://i4.tinypic.com/107l7vr.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://i4.tinypic.com/107l7vr.jpg" data-original-height="352" data-original-width="480" height="292" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">RIP Curtis "Lem" Lemansky<br />
1963-2006<br />
<a href="http://i4.tinypic.com/107l7vr.jpg">(Photo credit)</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Shortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-976174241627136657.post-14280797519359298292017-08-09T01:43:00.001-04:002017-08-09T01:55:24.336-04:00"I'm Robbing Boats" (Parody of Lonely Island's "I'm On A Boat")<i>This is the product of too much caffeine, too little sleep, and a bad-ass episode of TNT's <u>Animal Kingdom</u>. I take no credit for the original version. Spoilers dead ahead.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--_LG8-xnZ--/t_xlarge_l/f_auto,fl_lossy,q_75/v1502244889/boat-job-animal-kingdom-season-2-episode-10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="291" data-original-width="520" height="223" src="https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--_LG8-xnZ--/t_xlarge_l/f_auto,fl_lossy,q_75/v1502244889/boat-job-animal-kingdom-season-2-episode-10.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://tv-fanatic-res.cloudinary.com/iu/s--_LG8-xnZ--/t_xlarge_l/f_auto,fl_lossy,q_75/v1502244889/boat-job-animal-kingdom-season-2-episode-10.jpg">(Photo credit)</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Aw shit!<br />
Get your Glocks ready; it's about to go down!<br />
Everybody in the place hit the fuckin' deck<br />
But stay on your motherfuckin' toes<br />
We runnin' this, let's go<br />
<br />
I'm robbing boats, I'm robbing boats<br />
Everybody look at me 'cause I'm about to rob a boat<br />
I'm robbing boats, I'm robbing boats<br />
Take a good hard look at the motherfucking boat<br />
<br />
I'm robbing boats, motherfucker, take a look at me<br />
Fancy wedding on a boat on the deep blue sea<br />
We're coming on deck; we don't write demand notes<br />
You can't stop us, Eric, watch us rob this boat<br />
<br />
Take a picture, trick<br />
#wheresbaz, bitch<br />
We gonna rob this boat 'cause they're so rich<br />
I got my wetsuit and a cell phone jammer<br />
When they hit Catalina, time to drop the hammer<br />
<br />
I'm ridin' on a jetski, doin' flips and shit<br />
And Pope is splashin', gettin' everybody all wet<br />
This ain't a game, bro; this is real as it gets<br />
We robbin' boats, motherfucker, don't you ever forget<br />
<br />
I'm on a boat and the engine's dead and<br />
We shakin' down guests for their cash and<br />
Can't call the cops 'cause we in a dead zone<br />
We're the Cody bros and bad is bred, yo<br />
<br />
Fuck banks, I'm robbing boats, motherfucker<br />
Fuck with me, I'll pistol-whip ya like my brother<br />
I pull cash off the bride's dress, motherfucker<br />
Marco, what the hell'd you do, motherfucker?<br />
<br />
Hey, Smurf, if you could see us now<br />
Bags of swag on the starboard bow<br />
We ran this whole job on our own somehow<br />
Toast to success<br />
Now it's time to fuckin' go<br />
<br />
Craig said, "Let's go rob a boat"<br />
We shoulda left Marco at home<br />
Hey, Deran, look at me<br />
Never thought I'd see the day<br />
With a boat wedding comin' my way<br />
Believe me when I say<br />
I fucked a bridesmaid<br />
<br />
I'm robbing boats, I'm robbing boats<br />
Everybody look at me 'cause I'm about to rob a boat<br />
I'm robbing boats, I'm robbing boats<br />
Take a good hard look at the motherfucking boatShortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-976174241627136657.post-21710302716342387692017-08-07T03:02:00.002-04:002017-08-19T12:45:49.893-04:00If You Want Something Bad Enough, You'll "Bleed For It" (Animal Kingdom: Season 2, Episode 3)"When we get there, I'm gonna need you to watch my back," Smurf instructs. J wonders why he'd have to do that at a funeral. They're gonna pay their respects and leave; Smurf hasn't seen Manny in 20 years anyway.<br />
<br />
The New Canticle mission drive is holding at $87,000. Baz calls Pope from Mexico, asking for a favor. He won't be back stateside in time to pick up Lena from school. (Shocker). Baz promises he'll be home the next day and Pope agrees to take care of Lena.<br />
<br />
Baz is snappy with Lucy, nervous about their first job without Smurf. Lucy's brother Marco arrives. He thought Smurf didn't want him involved in their jobs. Baz explains that he and the boys kicked her to the curb.<br />
<br />
Amy asks Pope to lead the Bible study discussion.<br />
<br />
A woman looks nostalgically around Deran's bar: "My friends and I used to sneak in here before we were legal." Deran wants to keep the place as "a good beach dive: good, cheap beer, no bullshit." He plans on opening up the main barroom and taking out the drop ceiling. "In a week?" asks Craig. That sounds too much like work to him.<br />
<br />
The girl (Heather) asks if they're both the owners. Deran says it's his bar. "Technicality," pipes up Craig. Deran shows the girl a couple of firepits out back, which remind her of San Onofre "back in the day." "That's what I'm going for," says Deran, "Those Friday nights before this place got taken over by all the Newport money and tourists."<br />
<br />
Heather announces she had sex in the bar's bathroom once with Jeff, a name Deran seems to recognize. "Oh, you're hired," says Craig. Deran gives him a <i>really-bro? </i>look. Craig wonders aloud if Heather is a sink girl or a stall girl. "Jesus, man," says Deran. Craig can tell Heather's a sink girl. Deran dismisses his brother with: "That's good, thanks, bud." Most awkward job interview ever.<br />
<br />
Back to business, Heather says she's been a bartender for 7 years and offers to text Deran with her references. She can start next week if the place is open. Deran only has a temporary liquor license; the state inspector is coming the next day to issue the real one. "My ex tried to get one and couldn't, but he had a record," says Heather. Deran bites his lip.<br />
<br />
"Later, sink girl!" Craig calls as she leaves. He nods to Deran. "I like her."<br />
<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://cdn.meme.am/cache/instances/folder239/400x/56187239.jpg">(Image credit)</a></td></tr>
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At New Canticle, Pope argues that God's unconditional love isn't the point of the verse they read. It's more about God's faithfulness and that He will never give you more than you can handle. "We can bear anything if we have to," says Pope, an expert on that subject. Amy steps in before it gets too heated; the beauty of the Bible is that it has meaning to each individual.<br />
<br />
On the surveillance monitor, Nicky sees Deran's Scout pulling through the compound gate with Craig at the wheel. She joins him in the garage, where he's loading sledgehammers and assorted tools into the truck. He tells her about the bar.<br />
<br />
Nicky informs him Smurf and J will be gone overnight, so she and Craig could have the house to themselves. Craig thinks he'll be pulling an all-nighter gutting the bar.<br />
<br />
After Bible study, Amy invites Pope to bring Lena to a church-sponsored kids' softball game the next day. She gives Pope her number, offering to pick them up.<br />
<br />
Smurf and J arrive at a house way out in the desert. The long dirt driveway is lined with cars; the backyard resembles a less luxurious version of the Cody compound. Smurf takes a revolver out of the glovebox, warning J that Manny's crew is full of scumbags. When she exits the truck, we see Smurf is wearing a pair of black Chuck Taylors instead of her usual heels.<br />
<br />
In the living room, they run into Craig's dad Jake. Hey, It's That Guy! Jack Conley appeared in another TNT series, <i>Saving Grace, </i>as Ham's gay brother Nick. Smurf introduces her baby daddy to her grandson. Smurf and Jake were part of the late Manny's robbery crew before he left California. They met when Smurf was 17 and Jake describes her as "sexy and tough as shit." She sends J to get them beers.<br />
<br />
When J opens a cooler in the backyard, its owner aggressively slams the lid down again. The kid is one of the few white faces and really sticks out.<br />
<br />
Jake exposits that Javi is now running Manny's crew, even though Manny wanted him gone. Javi beat one of his own guys to death and let his dogs, uh, dispose of the remains.<br />
<br />
Craig returns to the bar to find Deran on the Internet, reading up on liquor licenses. Craig suggests they do after-hours parties. "And what? Get shut down immediately?" says Deran. He doesn't think his brother understands the gravity of the situation: "It's on me if some asshole gets drunk and gets in his car."<br />
<br />
Craig puts on goggles, grabs a sledgehammer, and smashes it through a wall that's hopefully non-load-bearing. "Stop! Stop! What are you doing?" cries Deran. "Are you kidding me, man?" He points behind him. "I said <i>that </i>wall!" Maybe letting your cokehead older brother help remodel the place wasn't such a great idea?<br />
<br />
Pope enters Baz's place with Lena, who asks when her daddy is coming home. "Tomorrow, hopefully," answers Uncle Pope. The kitchen is littered with empty beer bottles and Pope shakes his head disgustedly.<br />
<br />
Craig asks why Deran is so tense, even though he literally just explained that. Deran worries his record will keep him from getting a liquor license. Craig shrugs, "Plenty of ex-cons have bars." If the inspector gives him any trouble, Deran can always bribe him.<br />
<br />
Craig gives Deran a sledgehammer and a pair of goggles (safety first, after all). Deran hefts the hammer and mutters, "All right, you stupid mermaid" before smashing the wall with a mermaid painted on it.<br />
<br />
J is just sitting down with a plate of homemade Mexican food when Javi joins him. He seems jealous that Smurf took in J (not like he's her grandson or anything). As far as J can remember, Smurf's never mentioned Javi. J says he's sorry about Javi's dad. "Manny wasn't my dad," says Javi, though he doesn't elaborate. It occurs to me Javi looks like a scarier, less attractive version of Theo Rossi.<br />
<br />
Smurf goes into Manny's room, which has a hospital bed, IV pole, oxygen tank, and other medical supplies. Javi comes in. Smurf gives him an envelope of money.<br />
<br />
Javi walks right up to her and creepily sniffs her hair: "I always loved that smell. Reminds me of those Sunday nights out by your pool. You'd bring out all that food and I'd eat 'til my stomach hurt...just to see you smile." So did Manny, Jake, and Javi's dad. "Back when you called us a family."<br />
<br />
Javi remembers the night his dad took off; Smurf and Manny fought about what to do with him. Smurf practically growls, "You were a 10-year-old kid. You don't know what you heard." Javi heard Smurf tell Manny to throw him out. He calls bullshit that Smurf just came to pay her respects. Smurf calmly strolls out with a big, ugly turquoise necklace.<br />
<br />
Down in Mexico, Marco asks if Baz wants to help him fence jewelry his crew steals from tourists. Baz can't; he has enough to deal with. He loads his Jeep with propane tanks and tools.<br />
<br />
Lena looks up from her coloring to see Pope straightening stacks of magazines on the coffee table: "Why are you doing that?" Pope tells the kid the importance of keeping your things in order. He asks her if playing softball sounds like fun and Lena agrees to go with him and Amy.<br />
<br />
There's a sudden thud from outside. Pope opens the door to see a pigeon lying motionless on the porch. "The sun blinds them. If it doesn't get up, Mommy hits them with a brick," Lena tells her uncle. They watch as the bird starts to flop around. Pope asks, "How long does it usually take to know if it's gonna get up or not?"<br />
<br />
The pigeon raises its wing as if to defend itself. Pope picks up the designated pigeon-killing brick and tells Lena not to look. Before he can hit the pigeon, it awkwardly takes wing.<br />
<br />
Lucy tells Baz how much her son Carlos likes having Baz around. Baz hopes the kid doesn't get used to it. She disapproves of Marco trying to play big with Baz; she thinks he's in trouble and might sell the bracelet someplace he shouldn't. Baz agrees to take it back to California with him.<br />
<br />
Smurf and J indulge in some vodka in their hotel room. She explains Javi's dad pulled jobs with Manny's crew until he ripped Manny off. Javi's dad supposedly ran off with his ill-gotten gains. Smurf shoos J outside when Jake arrives. The kid tries not to overhear what they're saying.<br />
<br />
Manny had dementia and his doctor advised him to record things, just whatever came into his head. All he did near the end was talk into a tape recorder. Smurf seems disquieted by that.<br />
<br />
Nicky is disappointed that one of her girlfriends can't come over. She pours herself some vodka and starts snooping through Smurf's room. She tries on jewelry, discovers money in a drawer, and discovers an Uzi under the dresser. Oh, this isn't gonna be good!<br />
<br />
"Don't get that gross skin on it," Lena requests as Pope heats some milk on the stove. Pope promises he knows what he's doing. Smurf used to warm up milk for him when he couldn't sleep "except she used the microwave, which was cheating."<br />
<br />
Lena asks the heartbreaking question: Is Mommy dead? Pope lies through his teeth that there's no reason to think that. Lena wants to know why her dad isn't sad. "Your dad is sad. He's...secret sad." Pope, Lena is young, not mentally challenged. He goes on, "My dad left when I was little and I'm okay." <i>That </i>is a matter of opinion and mine is that Pope is fucked in the head.<br />
<br />
J asks if Manny ran the crew or if the boss was Grandma Smurf. She chuckles that she was only 16 when she met Manny. He took her in after a 30-day stint in jail for shoplifting and taught her everything she knows. Her favorite scam was going into a store with Manny following like he didn't know her. Then he'd put a gun to Smurf's head: "Everybody would stop and stare at the skinny little blonde girl. They'd try to save her...with their wallets."<br />
<br />
J wonders how Smurf went from being so close to Manny to not speaking to him for decades. She plays it off as "shit happens." Smurf repeats what Jake said about Manny spending his last days babbling nonsense: "That ever happens to me, I want you to put a bullet in my head. Swear." J takes her hand and promises, "I'll put a bullet in your head." Smurf proceeds to kiss J on the lips, stroke his face, and calls him a beautiful boy.<br />
<br />
Craig and Deran take a break from bar demolition to have a beer. Deran doesn't want Smurf to know about the bar until they open; he's afraid she'll find a way to take the place away from him. Craig's phone buzzes. He announces he's breaking up with Nicky (a likely story). Deran thinks it's about time.<br />
<br />
After Lena is in bed, Pope heats up the pan again <i>and grabs onto the bare metal handle like the fucking lunatic he is</i>. He stares at his burned palm, then wraps it in a towel.<br />
<br />
J pulls into a diner parking lot: "Told you we'd find something open." He asks Granny to get them a table while he gets something out of the truck. Smurf takes a seat at the counter. Enter J, wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He orders the waitress to empty the register, then demands the customers' phones and wallets. J holds the gun to Smurf's head and takes her outside.<br />
<br />
Laughing and cheering, they jump in the truck and drive away. Smurf tosses the bag of phones out the window. Back at the motel, Smurf dumps the money onto the bed, praising J for a job well done: "You're a natural! Not like the other boys...I had to teach them <i>everything</i>." She pulls J down on the bed and they start wrestling, which is all kinds of creepy. "You are fearless." "Like you," J smiles.<br />
<br />
At the Cody compound, Craig gives Nicky the famous "We need to talk" line. Nicky cuts him off, asking what happened with Camp Pendleton and why her dad became "besties with Baz for, like, a second." She thinks that whatever he did with the Codys is why he transferred to Guam.<br />
<br />
Nicky gives Craig a Smurf-like guilt trip: He'd be dead if she hadn't pulled him out of the fire and in jail if she hadn't flushed the drugs. She wants him to stop treating her like a kid and takes a slug of wine. Craig acts like what he wanted to say was "Don't tell Smurf about Deran's bar."<br />
<br />
Nicky toys with a strand of her hair: "I'm tired and drunk and I'd kinda like to have sex." Craig is only too happy to oblige.<br />
<br />
At the bar the next morning, Deran is as cleaned up as he ever gets: hair in a ponytail, button-down dress shirt covering the tattoos on his biceps. He shakes hands with Brian the liquor inspector, who immediately starts asking questions. How'd Deran pay for the bar? "Savings," he replies, which isn't a total lie. His other occupation is property manager for his mom's rental houses.<br />
<br />
"I have a record," Deran blurts out. He stole a car when he was 22 and served 5 months in jail. Deran reveals more of his background. He used to be a competitive surfer, even qualifying for the West Coast Championships. By the time he was 20, he thought he had a real shot at getting sponsored, "then it just flamed out." Deran was afraid he'd never have anything of his own again and started doing "a lotta stupid shit."<br />
<br />
Brian asks if Deran knows the definition of moral turpitude. "I'm guessing it's not a good thing," he chuckles nervously. Brian explains his job is to assess how likely Deran is to commit future acts of it: "Don't give me a reason to turn you down. And thank you for not giving me some story about being wrongly accused or trying to bribe me. You wouldn't believe how many people we turn down for that."<br />
<br />
When the inspector leaves, Deran does a kind of restrained happy dance. Deran is my favorite character and I'm so happy to see him have a chance at a legitimate business away from his toxic mom. I hope Smurf doesn't find a way to make it fail somehow so he has to move back in.<br />
<br />
At the motel, Smurf leans way too close to a sleeping J and whispers in his ear, "Come on, baby. Time to go home."<br />
<br />
Amy arrives with a bag of picnic food and asks to talk to Pope in private. She wants to come clean about something. Amy lost custody of her 8-year-old son Christopher because she got into a DUI crash with him in the car. He wasn't hurt, thankfully. She didn't want Pope to hear it from someone else and understands if he can't see past it. Oh, I wouldn't worry about Pope judging you; DUI is nothing compared to <i>murdering your adopted brother's baby-mama</i>.<br />
<br />
Amy notices Pope's bandaged hand. He fibs that he burned it helping Lena make pancakes. He suggests they eat Amy's picnic food on Baz's porch instead of going to the softball game.<br />
<br />
Baz shows Gia the emerald bracelet he brought in from Mexico. She isn't sure what she can get for it, but she'll ask around. Baz tells her he'll be bringing in credit cards a few weeks from now. Gia balks. "Smurf told you not to work with us, didn't she?" Baz guesses. He and the boys could bring her a lot of business. Gia is sorry, but she can't help him.<br />
<br />
Pope hears Baz's key in the lock and turns to his niece: "Remember what I told you." "Don't talk about the lady from the church," Lena repeats. She runs to give her dad a hug.<br />
<br />
Outside, Baz shows Pope the tools he bought for the church job. He tells him the bad news about Gia and Smurf's fence in San Pedro. They can't find a new trustworthy buyer for the credit cards in two weeks. "Gia was hustling antiques on the Strand before Smurf found her," grumbles Pope. Baz suggests they make a new fence instead of finding one.<br />
<br />
Deran, pulling down brightly painted ceiling tiles, asks how the breakup went. Craig is all "yeeeaaahhh, about that." Deran isn't surprised.<br />
<br />
Baz sweet-talks Gia's business partner Monica. Loyalty to Smurf got him nowhere. Does Monica honestly expect any different? Also, does she know anyone who can handle 400 credit card numbers?<br />
<br />
At home, Smurf places the ugly turquoise pendant on her bed amidst the stolen cash and wallets.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, in Arizona, Javi opens a cigar box and finds Manny's tape collection. End of episode.Shortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-976174241627136657.post-33133301475204894212017-07-24T15:19:00.000-04:002017-07-24T15:19:50.353-04:00Guest Review: "Lone Hero"<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.imfdb.org/images/d/db/Lone_Hero_DVD.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.imfdb.org/images/d/db/Lone_Hero_DVD.jpg" data-original-height="355" data-original-width="250" height="400" width="281" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.imfdb.org/images/d/db/Lone_Hero_DVD.jpg">(Image credit)</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Lou Diamond Phillips plays a
different sort of outlaw than we have seen him play before, a biker who heads
up a gang of motorcycle misfits called the Iron Bandits. When we first meet the
gang at their clubhouse in Idaho, the first thing Bart (Lou) and his boys do is
kill a state trooper. (Note: Lou wears a very interesting pair of bright
yellow boxer shorts with a Wal-Mart smiley face licking its chops on the front).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Bart meets our hero John (Sean Patrick Flanery) when the gang rolls into Profit,
Montana. John works at the local pioneer reenactment village with his buddies and ex-girlfriend. With the help of another Iron Bandit, Bart robs the bar where John is getting a few drinks after a day of playing cowboy. The biker also nearly beats bartender Smoky to death and threatens John to keep his mouth shut.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Profit is so small that there are only two cops who John, our Wild
West show bad guy and real life hero, calls once he cuffs the bikers with the
help of a gun that shoots blanks. He's helped by ex-girlfriend Sharon, who
is expecting to leave town soon to attend UCLA for the fall semester.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">John is everyone's friend at the reenactment village
until the Iron Bandits close in on the failing attraction, seeking revenge on
behalf of their embarrassed leader. Smoky's friends just want to go on with their
lives without any trouble.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">John's closest friend is the
park's grizzled trick shooter Gus, a guy with a shady past who gives our
hero a hand shutting down the bad guys. Though fearless and intelligent, Bart
is still a thug and must, in the end, be put down. Bart has killed cops. He
almost killed Smoky and doesn't want to leave loose ends, namely John and
Sharon.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Most of the movie involves John and Sharon trying to stay
alive with Gus's help while the Iron Bandits try to wipe them off the face of
the earth. The movie is a basic good prevails over evil tale, which leaves us
with a sense of satisfaction. There are a lot of tense scenes that get your
adrenaline pumping. Bart's continuous chatter also jangles the nerves.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">No lawmen, a reluctant hero, a steadfast older friend,
deck stacked against the good guys, and plenty of shooting. Good action, good
emotional triggers for a low-budget movie. It leaves the viewer satisfied that
all is right with the world.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
Shortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-976174241627136657.post-5769654764819237492017-06-26T15:47:00.002-04:002017-08-19T12:45:16.256-04:00As Craig Said, "Karma" Is a Bitch (Animal Kingdom; Season 2, Episode 2)Nicky snorts a line and Craig asks her, "You really wanna do coke before you go to school?" Surprisingly, he doesn't do any himself: "I wanna sleep sometime in the next 100 years." Craig plans on taking downers to sleep until Nicky gets home later.<br />
<br />
Nicky straddles his lap and plucks the joint from between his lips. Craig takes it back from her; mixing drugs is an art she hasn't learned yet. "Who needs school when I've got you, Professor Cody?" she purrs. They start kissing. Nicky stands up and pulls Craig toward the bedroom. Unbeknownst to them, the joint is still smoldering on the couch.<br />
<br />
Lucy comes into Baz's kitchen, glad she didn't wake him up. He offers her coffee. Lucy would cook breakfast, "but all you have is protein powder." Baz likes Lucy being around. How about they go to dinner later? Lucy gives him a look. "What?" he says, "It's dinner."<br />
<br />
It seems Lucy is like Baz's last hook-up; eating together automatically means they're in a relationship. "Maybe I just like watching you eat." says Baz. Lucy seductively bites into a breakfast sandwich she brought over. Baz puts it on the counter and picks her up. "You can eat it later," he winks. Lucy laughs and they start making out.<br />
<br />
The bar owner is none too pleased with Deran for not having the $50,000; he promises he will by Monday. She reminds him she has other offers. Deran bets he's the only one willing to pay upfront in cash. "You can offer me a goddamn polar bear if you never plan on giving it to me," she says.<br />
<br />
Deran will throw in an extra $1,000 for the wait. The bar owner is going to Hawaii next week to dump her husband's ashes in a volcano and needs the money before she leaves. Deran says she can keep the deposit if he doesn't come through, which is more than fair. "Don't mess with me," she warns.<br />
<br />
Pope creepily sits on the edge of Lena's bed, watching her sleep. "Where's Grandma?" she asks when she wakes up. Pope whispers, "She's sleeping, so we have to be quiet." "Where's Daddy?" Supposedly, Baz asked Pope to drive Lena to school. He sends Lena to get dressed, looking under the bed for her shoes.<br />
<br />
"Trying to kidnap my granddaughter?" asks Smurf. She'd prefer Baz take Lena to school; Lena hasn't seen him in four days. She glances at her eldest son. "What's she supposed to do with two left shoes?" Smurf tells him how important consistency is for children (says the woman whose kids all have different fathers that eventually abandoned them). She adds, "She barely knows you; you've been in prison half her life."<br />
<br />
Pope doesn't take the opportunity to rant about how that was Baz's fault. Smurf gets Lena's backpack ready. The kid comes out of the bathroom, dressed for school. Pope has her shoes, Smurf her coat and backpack.<br />
<br />
Nicky practices what I'm guessing are supposed to be "sexy" faces in Craig's mirror, arranging her hair different ways. She hears crackling in the living room. Surprise, surprise, Craig's couch his on fire! She tries to beat the flames out with a throw pillow.<br />
<br />
When that doesn't work, she goes to the bedroom and shakes his shoulder. "Craig, there's a fire," her voice is barely audible.<br />
<br />
"Morning," J says cheerfully. He has scrambled eggs and toast plated up for him and Smurf. She answers her phone. Nicky frantically tells her about the fire. Smurf asks where her middle child is. "He's passed out. I can't wake him up," says Nicky.<br />
<br />
While she's talking, she fills a bowl with water from the sink and throws it on the couch. This does absolutely nothing to the flames, which have now spread to the blinds. Nicky hasn't called 911 "'cause I'm pretty high."<br />
<br />
Smurf turns to J, telling him to call 911 and say there's a fire at Craig's address. Smurf asks Nicky if Craig is breathing. "Yeah, he's just sleeping. He hasn't slept in a couple days 'cause we've been...kinda partying." Nicky's still talking a mile a minute.<br />
<br />
Smurf instructs Nicky to flush any drugs down the toilet. "It's getting bigger," Nicky sounds worried as she passes the living room. Smurf tells her to take Craig's gun out of his nightstand; when they leave, she needs to remember which bush she hides it in.<br />
<br />
Smurf decides it's finally time to worry about Craig himself. She tells Nicky to throw cold water on his face. If that doesn't work, hit him in the face as hard as possible. Nicky's slaps barely make contact, meaning Craig doesn't notice them. She grabs his arm and tries to drag him out of bed; he faceplants into the carpet.<br />
<br />
Pope and Lena are at Baz's house. Lena spilled juice on herself and wants to put on a new shirt before school. Pope asks what time Lena has to be at school. "I don't know," the kid shrugs, "Grandma Smurf just says, 'Time for school.'" In all seriousness, Pope says, "You need a watch." (Too bad there aren't any left over from last season's jewelry store heist).<br />
<br />
Pope hears distinctly female laughter elsewhere in the house. He sees a bra and a pair of panties in the hallway. "Lena, let's go!" he calls. Lena has also heard the laughter and joyfully cries, "Mommy! Mommy!" She stops dead in her tracks, realizing Lucy isn't Cath. Baz comes out of the bedroom.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/7e/7ef0f586857f6de13b5844354273007a90188bd00d7aab7c33d00ef79423b73c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/7e/7ef0f586857f6de13b5844354273007a90188bd00d7aab7c33d00ef79423b73c.jpg" data-original-height="299" data-original-width="400" height="239" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/7e/7ef0f586857f6de13b5844354273007a90188bd00d7aab7c33d00ef79423b73c.jpg">(Image credit)</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
"Lena, this is Daddy's friend Lucy," Baz introduces. He picks his daughter up and carries her outside. Pope fixes Lucy with a dead-eyed glare.<br />
<br />
Firefighters walk through Craig's apartment, checking for hot spots. A paramedic tends to Craig. Nicky stands on the sidewalk, a police blanket wrapped around her for modesty since she wasn't wearing pants. Smurf starts chewing Craig out then and there, guessing there was enough cocaine in the apartment to earn him a lengthy prison sentence; he's lucky Nicky was there to save his sorry ass.<br />
<br />
Craig gripes that he has a headache: "Why'd you have to get her to hit me so hard?" Nicky's pathetic little slaps didn't cause that; it was more likely clonking his head on the floor that did it. Smurf wishes Nicky had hit him hard, then asks, "Why is this shit still going on? Is that girl on birth control?" "Are you done?" Craig wants to know.<br />
<br />
Smurf certainly is not. She tells him he's paying to have the apartment redone. Is she supposed to tell her insurance agent "that my idiot son and the teenager he's banging left a lit joint on the couch?" Craig rather insincerely apologizes. Smurf warns him not ask to move back in. Craig rides off on his motorcycle.<br />
<br />
After dropping Lena at school, Baz lays into Pope about not sending a warning text.<br />
<br />
J, Deran, and Craig cruise down the street in the Scout. "You smell like a bonfire," Deran observes, "All that smoke inhalation can't be good for you. It kills your brain cells. You don't have too many left to spare." He echoes Smurf's thoughts that it's good Nicky was around. They can talk in front of J because he's aware of what Nicky and Craig are doing. To his credit, Craig says, "I don't wanna be a dick about it."<br />
<br />
J says he doesn't care. "You don't care that your girlfriend left you for this genius?" asks Deran. J reminds his uncle who broke up with who. Deran takes the opportunity to rib his brother about getting J's "sloppy seconds."<br />
<br />
On a more serious note, Deran asks if J has enough money to move out of Smurf's house. Staying gives Smurf the chance to make J feel like he owes her. The kid shouldn't give Pope and Baz a reason not to trust him. "You stay there, you'll never leave," he advises, "Ask Craig." Craig jabs back: "Hey, asshole, you breast-fed 'til you were, like, 7." He starts trying to grab Deran's nipples through his shirt while he's driving.<br />
<br />
Smurf conversationally asks how long Nicky has been living with Craig. According to Nicky, only a few days. Smurf shakes her head: "He sure left in a hurry. He could've given you a pair of pants." Craig told Nicky he was fixing a church's air conditioner with Deran. Nicky didn't know the Codys were religious.<br />
<br />
Smurf offers to let Nicky live at the compound. "If it's not an imposition," the teen says with fake shyness. Smurf knows it would make Craig happy. Nicky chuckles to herself.<br />
<br />
"You're not staying with me, by the way," Deran informs Craig, "You're filthy and I don't need the DEA banging down my door." "Did I <i>ask </i>to stay with you?" says Craig. Well, not in so many words.<br />
<br />
Deran pulls into the parking lot at the megachurch. J gets out first. Craig takes off his necklace and puts on a white polo shirt that reads SANTIAGO VALLEY PEAK H.V.A.C. Deran, already wearing one, ties his hair back into a ponytail. He thinks Craig should have some gum to cover his bad breath. They grab bags of tools and clipboard, doing their best to look official.<br />
<br />
Craig and Deran stop at the front desk in New Canticle's opulent lobby. They claim someone called their dispatch center about a funny smell coming from the air conditioner. The secretary doesn't see anything on the schedule. Deran lies that they have to fix some A/C in San Diego later and the rest of the week is booked; they wouldn't be able to come back until at least next Friday.<br />
<br />
J heads downstairs. Pope and Baz park outside. The secretary shows Deran and Craig to the rooftop unit. Pope slips into the sanctuary (sidebar: I've been in smaller concert halls) and watches the worship band do a soundcheck.<br />
<br />
On the roof, Craig muses, "Churches have all these programs to help people: homeless shelters, giving soup to people who are hungry." Deran asks if he's still worried about karma. Again, pretty sure that ship left port years ago. "If you can tell me that I'm not gonna end up, like, a cockroach, then fine," says Craig.<br />
<br />
"Ripping off a church is gonna bring serious karmic vengeance." They should've gone with Deran's yacht wedding idea. Deran would've preferred that too, but Baz is stubborn and he needs money ASAP.<br />
<br />
"Maybe that's why your apartment burned down; God knew you were thinking about robbing a church," says Deran. He adds, "Either that, or the lit joint you left burnin' on your couch." Deran is so sassy and I adore him.<br />
<br />
Pope notices a pretty blonde woman helping with the sound check. He shyly averts his eyes when she glances his way.<br />
<br />
The littlest Cody investigates the vents in the men's room. Baz goes to the church's security trailer, claiming he lost his wallet during Sunday service, giving his name as David Pratt. (Any relation to Chris)? The guard leaves to get the lost-and-found box. Baz takes note of the bank of closed-circuit TV monitors and texts "Go. Now" to J.<br />
<br />
J goes down the hall with his hoodie pulled over his head and picks the lock on a door marked EMPLOYEES ONLY. J takes pictures of the inside of the room, which is lined with shelves and boxes. There's a safe behind the whiteboard and one cemented into the floor under a rug.<br />
<br />
Baz keeps one eye on the monitors and sees what J's up to. "Sorry, no David Pratt," the security guard apologizes. He suggests Baz check the front office and gives him directions.<br />
<br />
Someone who works for the church passes by just as J exits the EMPLOYEES ONLY room. J pretends he got lost on his way to an N.A. meeting (if you ask me, Craig should've posed as the addict). The guy tells J where to go and that the meeting isn't until noon.<br />
<br />
Pope goes to the lobby and stands before a table of flyers and brochures. They advertise biweekly Bible study, a mission drive, and volunteer opportunities. "I don't actually have any musical ability. I just love hearing them play," says the blonde woman from the sound check. She introduces herself as Amy; Pope gives his birth name: Andrew.<br />
<br />
Pope tells Amy he's looking for a new church. Amy asks where he went before. Pope clicks his teeth and says, "Sort of a non-denominational thing." That's also what New Canticle looks like to me; most denominational ones aren't that big or elaborate (at least not here in Kentucky).<br />
<br />
Amy would be happy to answer any questions. In addition to being a part-time church employee, she voluntarily teaches Bible study. She'd love for him to come. Pope asks how many parishoners there are. Amy ballparks it around 1,500 for the mid-morning Sunday service.<br />
<br />
Next month, New Canticle is having Mission Weekend. The church hosts parties and raffles to raise money for foreign missionary work. Last year, donations reached $300,000. "I'd love to be a part of somethin' like that," says Pope. Amy doesn't notice his odd, almost singsong tone.<br />
<br />
Smurf calls her alarm company to get all the passwords and entry codes changed.<br />
<br />
The boys map out the church. J shows his uncles pictures of the safe set in concrete. Craig would rather rob a bank now that the church has so many cameras...because that makes perfect sense. Besides, "people we know go to that church. I thought we didn't shit where we eat."<br />
<br />
Baz tells him not to think of it as a church: "They're printing money. They got DVDs and T-shirts and merchandise." Craig wants to put it to a vote. Baz flatly refuses to rob another bank. Pope pipes up with, "If we wait three weeks, we can make 300K. Lady at the church says they do a mission fundraising drive." There are car washes, raffles, and "a fair with rides and shit." Last year's proceeds went to a hospital in Angola.<br />
<br />
Craig is now even more worried about karma. Deran can't wait three weeks. Baz doesn't want to take the same risk for less reward. "If this is how this is gonna work, I'm done," says Deran. He can pull jobs on his own. "Go ahead. Go rob a liquor store," Baz challenges, sounding a lot like Smurf.<br />
<br />
Deran storms out and Craig follows him. Baz sends J home; he and Pope can take over planning from here. Baz tells Pope they need to present a united front when the other guys are around. J can scout, but he isn't ready for a big-time heist. Whether they rob the church now or in three weeks, they need four people.<br />
<br />
Outside, Pope asks Craig why Deran needs money so badly. Craig promised not to tell. Pope wants to know how much. Would Deran do something stupid to get what he needs? "He might," shrugs Craig.<br />
<br />
Smurf goes to her storage unit, where she pulls a few bricks of cash and a huge diamond ring out of a safe.<br />
<br />
Lucy comes home from shopping and packs to go back to Tijuana. She's been in California for several days and Baz never mentioned Lena is living with him. "Sometimes she stays here," says Baz. Lucy asks, "What's that even mean?" What happened to Catherine? Baz doesn't know; she just left. Lucy questions him in Spanish about why he isn't being honest.<br />
<br />
Baz pounds the table. He can't deal with Lucy right now; he's trying to plan a job without Smurf and "the boys are ready to kill each other." Lucy thinks this is classic Baz, changing the subject and getting pissed off. "I had to look that kid in the face this morning and say, 'Sorry, I'm not your mother.'"<br />
<br />
Baz is sure Lena doesn't even remember that. (I wouldn't count on it). Lucy says that's not the point. They're no good together and need to stay friends with benefits.<br />
<br />
Deran leaves his apartment and throws a black duffel bag in the Scout. "When's the last time you scouted Union Bank?" asks Pope. They have at least three tellers now, plus digital security cameras. If Deran uses a gun, he'll do at least 6 years in prison. "Look, I need money. I'm gonna go get some. Isn't that what we do?" says Deran. Big brother Pope has a better plan and Craig's already agreed to help. Does Deran have a ski mask?<br />
<br />
Later, Craig and Deran are sitting in a stolen SUV in a beach parking lot. Craig checks out a food truck's menu with a pair of binoculars, wondering aloud, "What kind of an asshole pays 18 bucks for a sandwich?" "Pope says they also sell molly out of the back of the truck," adds Deran. Don't tell him that; he'll just go for the drugs and not the cash.<br />
<br />
Smurf goes to a Persian rug store and meets upstairs with a woman named Gia. She seems to be Smurf's fence. Smurf wants to sell the ring, which she stole a few years ago. She tells Gia about the "restructuring" because the "boys are gettin' very careless." Smurf trusts Gia to make the asking price whatever she thinks is fair and adds 5% to her commission.<br />
<br />
Baz might be coming to the store soon. Smurf wouldn't dream of telling Gia who to do business with, but caution should be exercised.<br />
<br />
The Farm to Curb food truck workers lock it up and drive it away. The boys follow it.<br />
<br />
Baz has hired Joe, a PI, to look for Cath. The detective has found nothing in the last two months. Cath was still close to a couple of her former foster mothers, but they haven't seen her in years. No bank account, cell phone, email, or credit card activity. "If somebody wants to, they can get pretty good and lost."<br />
<br />
Baz can't believe this: "3 grand gets me 'She hasn't checked her email'?" The PI suggests Cath could've changed her name and left the country. Joe needs another $5,000 to keep looking. Baz asks if Cath is dead. Joe replies, "I have no reason to believe that she is, but I have no reason to believe that she isn't."<br />
<br />
Deran and Craig cut off the food truck, which rear-ends them. They jump out in ski masks, guns at the ready. They didn't count on the food truck workers being armed themselves; after all, they have to protect their drug supply somehow. They make a hasty retreat back to the car. Here's hoping Craig doesn't get shot again.<br />
<br />
Pope rear-ends the food truck with a stolen tow truck. The food truck's tires pop and it tips over. The workers shoot at them again. "Hey!" Pope screams at his brothers, "Don't kill anybody!" "Tell them that!" Craig retorts. Pope tosses a flash-bang grenade into the truck and steals the money.<br />
<br />
Nicky ambles into Smurf's kitchen, wearing a baggy T-shirt and sweatpants. J, doing his homework at the counter, recognizes the pants as his. "You don't mind?" Nicky's tone makes it plain she doesn't care how he feels about it, "I mean, you don't really wear these?"<br />
<br />
They chitchat about the fire, how it was scary for Nicky but totally not Craig's fault. (That's actually true). J hasn't seen her at school lately. "I go sometimes, enough to graduate," she says, then asks, "Where <i>is</i> everybody?" J says his uncles aren't around much since they all had a fight with Smurf.<br />
<br />
At a picnic table, Deran, Craig, and Pope toast to a job well done. "We never had any trouble when we did simple shit," says Deran, reminding Pope, "You went to prison 'cause of Baz." "No, I went to prison because a guard wasn't where he was supposed to be," says Pope. Deran knows Pope sees the way Baz treats him and Craig.<br />
<br />
Pope knows them turning on each other is exactly what Mommy Dearest wants; he won't take her bait. Craig gives everyone their share from the lockbox. Pope immediately hands his to baby brother; he'll kick in whatever else he has to to make it $16,000 and Deran can pay him back after the church job.<br />
<br />
Craig also gives Deran his share: "You don't gotta pay me back, man, but I need a place to crash."<br />
<br />
<i>Powerpuff Girls </i>is blasting from Baz's TV. Baz asks his daughter to turn it down. Pope comes in and tells him Deran is back in for New Canticle. Baz mumbles, "I've been alone with her for three hours. I'm ready to kill myself." Lucy went back to Mexico.<br />
<br />
They resume talking strategy for New Canticle. Lena ups the volume again. Baz loses his shit, smashing the remote and yelling at her. Pope tells Lena to get her shoes so she can go for a walk with him. "I've been asking her to turn it down for an hour!" Baz complains. Pope says, "She's 7. You put her in front of the TV all day. Maybe she's trying to get your attention."<br />
<br />
Baz wants to know if Pope has any other parenting advice. Pope knows kids don't like being screamed at. He throws in, "Her mother left. You're banging some woman that she's never seen before in her mother's bedroom. It's not Lena's fault that your girlfriend doesn't like your kid, Baz."<br />
<br />
"You don't know shit and you never will," says Baz, adding nastily, "No woman is ever gonna have a kid with you. <i>Ever</i>." Cue the Pope Stare.<br />
<br />
Smurf sighs and looks morosely out into the rainy night. She flashes back to when her boys were little, playing basketball together in the pool.<br />
<br />
Pope brings Lena to New Canticle and introduces her to Amy. The Bible study teacher shows the girl to the church playroom. "She's beautiful. Has your smile," Amy compliments Pope. He explains that Lena is his niece; he's been helping his brother out since his sister-in-law left him unexpectedly. Amy invites Pope and Lena out for ice cream after Bible study. That sounds good to Pope.<br />
<br />
The bar owner tells Deran to turn the fridge way down when the health inspector comes. He shouldn't put off getting a tax ID number "or it'll take forever to get the liquor guy in here." This is gonna be harder than Deran thinks. The woman wishes she'd sold it sooner, but her husband loved the place. Some weeks, he worked 80 hours.<br />
<br />
"Sid had a passion for big-titted mermaids," she muses. That is obvious. She shakes Deran's hand and gives him the keys.<br />
<br />
Craig has a beer in his burned-out living room, surveying the damage.<br />
<br />
Baz goes to Tijuana and knocks on Lucy's door. He wants to apologize for not telling her about Cath and Lena. "I don't need to know everything," she shrugs. Baz figures Cath left because she found out about Lucy and he refused to stop seeing her. Lucy seems to accept that and invites Baz to bed.<br />
<br />
"I probably should've asked you before I told Nicky she could stay," Smurf says to J. Ya think?! "This is your house too. I want you to be comfortable." Are his uncles pressuring him to move out? J wants to stay and I don't blame him. A roof over his head, nice clothes, a pool, not having to worry about where his next meal is coming from? In his short life, J's never had it so good.<br />
<br />
The phone rings. Smurf asks J to answer it. When J hangs up, he tells his grandmother, "That was some guy called Jake. He said that Manny died. The wake's on Thursday. Who's Manny?" Smurf replies cryptically, "He's an old friend." She asks if J wants to come with her on a road trip to the desert. He agrees. End of episode.Shortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-976174241627136657.post-15893906316499209152017-06-16T12:24:00.000-04:002017-08-19T12:44:55.694-04:00Rule #1: "Eat What You Kill" (Animal Kingdom; Season 2, Episode 1)<i>Last season: Joshua "J" Cody moved in with his grandmother Janine AKA "Smurf" after his mother died of a heroin overdose. He quickly learns his uncles are a robbery crew, headed up by Smurf. J and his uncles robbed Camp Pendleton military base. Craig started having sex with J's 17-year-old ex-girlfriend Nicky. Acting on Mom's orders, Uncle Andrew AKA "Pope" smothered his adopted brother Baz's baby-mama Cath with a pillow. He made it look like Cath left Baz, abandoning their young daughter Lena in the process.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
We see Smurf wake up and grope around on her nightstand for last night's leftover vodka cranberry with a twist of lime. Elsewhere, Deran and Craig roar under an overpass on their ATVs (or four-wheelers, as they call them in my neck of the woods). Pope climbs up a nearby roof and cuts the padlock on the access hatch. Baz seems to be following a tour group around; the doors on the freight elevator read ANGEL CITY BREWERY. J is in the truck parked outside.<br />
<br />
Watching Smurf put on her makeup, I can't help but think of one of my favorite Disney songs "Perfect Isn't Easy" from <i>Oliver & Company</i>. In her silk robe, Ellen Barkin perfectly channels the poodle who sings the song in the movie. But I digress.<br />
<br />
Pope sneaks into the brewery and cuts off the security cameras. Baz and the tour group are off to do a beer tasting. He waits until they all move on, then meets up with Pope, who'd been crouched on the stairs. They go to a makeshift office and strap a safe onto a dolly.<br />
<br />
Craig and Deran park their ATVs, the former shimmying up a ladder to open a grate. He passes Baz a black duffel bag full of tools. J sees a delivery truck pull up to one of the brewery's service entrances. He immediately texts his uncles to sound the alarm, then opens the console, where he's stashed his gun. To create a less lethal diversion, J drops two lit road flares into nearby dumpsters.<br />
<br />
The delivery driver spots the flames and activates the fire alarm. We hear sirens racing toward the scene. J coolly drives away in the truck. Pope and Baz lower the safe through the manhole on a winch. Craig and Deran load the safe onto a trailer hooked up to one of the ATVs.<br />
<br />
At home, Smurf is still primping in front of the mirror.<br />
<br />
J puts dummy plates on the truck, along with magnetic signs from the LA Division of Water and Power. He drives through a fence to rendezvous with the others. A homeless man appears in the tunnel with his shopping cart. When Deran swerves to avoid a deadly collision, the ATV tips over. The trailer and safe also thud to the ground. Craig and Baz hastily right the ATV.<br />
<br />
The four head for the truck, Pope riding tandem with Deran and Baz sitting behind Craig. They load the safe into the truck bed and toss a blanket over it. Deran and Craig ride away on their ATVs; Pope and Baz stay in the truck with J.<br />
<br />
While Pope cracks the safe, Craig chugs some tequila, laughing to himself. Deran grabs the bottle and pissily asks what's so funny. "You remember when you and Pope duct taped this to that shopping cart when we were kids with the Roman candles on the side? Sent it down Quarry Hill?" asks Craig, "I still have a scar on my ass from when I bounced out of it." "You got off easy, man. I went off the cliff in that thing," says Deran, "I hit the lake like cement."<br />
<br />
Pope tugs on the safe's handle. The fruits of the boys' labor look more like the inside of Al Capone's vault.<br />
<br />
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"Oh, you gotta be shitting me," says Baz, looking at two small piles of money. Pope grips his head; he can't believe it either. In a fit of temper, Deran smashes the tequila bottle.<br />
<br />
When the boys get home, Smurf is dishing out the traditional post-heist snack of apple pie. Baz drops their tiny haul on the counter. Deran, sporting a wicked scrape on his cheek, cracks a beer.<br />
<br />
The Codys assemble in the living room to debrief Smurf. Deran slumps on the couch, holding an ice pack on his face. Pope deliberately sits with his back to Smurf. No one saw them at the brewery, which, according to Baz is "the only thing about the job that went right." Smurf praises J for his quick thinking in starting the fire.<br />
<br />
"We're all okay, by the way," grumbles Pope. Deran thought there was supposed to be more money "north of 90 grand." Smurf flares her nostrils and breathes hard, staring them down. When she finally speaks, she says, "Let's go eat that pie." Pope is quietly incredulous: "We risked our lives for $500 and all she can talk about is pie." Deran gripes that $500 would've at least been an even split.<br />
<br />
Pope wants Smurf to explain herself; they all pitched her other ideas for jobs and she shot them down. "One job goes wrong and you're all whining like a bunch of spoiled brats!" says Smurf. (It could be argued that they're all overgrown brats, but anyway..) "What about the jobs that raised you all your lives?"<br />
<br />
The boys are still living off their respective cuts of Pendleton. Craig argues Baz is the one who planned that job. Pope says acidly, "Why don't you have another drink, Smurf? I wonder how many cocktails she had when she had the brilliant idea for us to hit a brewery." Smurf looks like she wants to slap him.<br />
<br />
Instead, Smurf says, "Maybe it was <i>your </i>fault." They're the ones who thought no one used the northeast gate. Pope says no one did during their weeks of scouting. Do they even know they took the right safe? Yes, and it only had $3,000 in it.<br />
<br />
Deran (correctly) accuses Smurf of trying to pit them all against each other. She steps in front of her youngest and starts shouting at him. Baz tries to get her to calm down (yeah, good luck). Smurf rounds on him: "I have to go pick up your kid at school...unless it was something <i>you </i>were planning on doing." Baz doesn't try to stop her, even though she's obviously drunk.<br />
<br />
With Mom gone, the boys have a powwow out by the pool. "Why are we still letting her run shit?" Deran demands, "We should just kick her to the curb, man. We're not 12 anymore." Baz thinks Deran is making empty threats; last time he was that pissed, he disappeared to Belize for a few weeks and came right back home.<br />
<br />
Pope says, "She doesn't give a shit about any of us. We know it; that's the most pathetic part." She just uses them. He's right, of course, but J gives Smurf the benefit of the doubt. Baz understands they're all pissed, but suggests they talk to her "calmly and with respect" about changing how they operate.<br />
<br />
Pope has had enough of their mom's bullshit and will pull solo jobs if he has to. The others agree to talk to Smurf. Craig will go "surf it off" with Deran until Mom gets home.<br />
<br />
At a seedy bar, Deran locks eyes with a topless wooden mermaid. A black woman sits next to him. Deran slaps a rubber-banded pack of cash onto the bar, $34,000 in all. He asks for more time; he can get the rest. "I wanna help you, kid, but it's gotta be the full 50 or else...there's nothing I can do," she says.<br />
<br />
On her way home, Smurf visits Teddy, her inside man on the Angel City job. She wants to know what went wrong: "You said the brewery paid their illegals with cash." That's correct, but payday is the first Thursday of the month and today is Tuesday.<br />
<br />
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Smurf dazedly wanders back to the truck.<br />
<br />
Pope sits alone in the desert, flashing back to the night he buried Cath. He sifts sand through his fingers, looking mournful.<br />
<br />
Back at home, Craig is watching a skateboard competition on TV while J does physics homework. Craig sighs when his phone buzzes: "Not again. How many times do I have to say the flu?" We see the conversation he's having. Nicky texted, '<i>Puking too?' </i>Craig replies, <i>'Yeah, the whole deal.' </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Deran arrives and asks where Pope is. "If he shows, he shows. We don't need him," says Baz. Smurf comes in with Lena. The little girl asks if they can go to the park like Baz promised. Baz tells her to go in the other room and watch cartoons.<br />
<br />
Smurf pours herself another vodka cranberry and sits at the table with them. Baz tells her Pope is out "buying a lamp or something" for his new place. He apologizes for the way they all acted earlier: "Who's to blame shouldn't be the point here."<br />
<br />
Baz politely tells Smurf they want more say in choosing jobs, pointing out the obvious: "We're not kids anymore; we're grown men here." "Oh, I'm the boss, all right," she counters. Have they all been conspiring against her while she was out? If Smurf wasn't the boss, the three older men would "be in prison right now, or worse."<br />
<br />
Smurf recites a litany of terrible things that could've happened had she not intervened: When Baz was younger, Smurf had to bribe a cop to get him out of a jam involving an ATM robbery. Deran got involved with the Hells Angels, shit went wrong, and the bikers "thought [you'd] do better without a tongue." She reminds middle child Craig of last season's naked chair-pissing incident.<br />
<br />
Smurf angrily pounds on the table. Baz plays diplomat; they're being honest with her out of respect. They're the ones who take all the risks, so they should get a say in the jobs they pull. It's also unfair that Smurf decides the split.<br />
<br />
Smurf lays even more guilt on her adopted son: "When you first showed up at my house, you hadn't eaten a meal in a week! It took me three months to get that lice out of your hair!" Baz yells back, "And not a day goes by you don't throw that in my face! How long <i>exactly</i> do I have to keep kissing your ass for?" "For the rest of your goddamn life," growls Smurf. <br />
<br />
Baz adds that "Pope's not even here 'cause he can't stand the sight of you." He's also the person who tries to convince Smurf's biological children "that you're not the cold-hearted bitch you seem to be." Baz leaves the kitchen, followed by Deran with Craig on his heels. Throughout the argument, J has stayed in place and not said a word.<br />
<br />
Smurf tells them to go ahead. She'll see how long they last without her. J watches as his grandmother's eyes fill with tears.<br />
<br />
Craig snorts a line while Deran drives along in his Scout. The youngest Cody will never forget the look on their mom's face when they walked out on her. Craig thumps the dashboard with his fist and laughs, "No more sucking Mommy's dick!" Closeted Deran lets that pass without comment.<br />
<br />
Deran tells Craig not to get his hopes up about everyone getting equal shares; Baz and Pope will be just as bad as Smurf. "We're just grunts to them." They need to come up with their own ideas, like a yacht job Deran's been contemplating.<br />
<br />
"We also need to get J involved," says Deran, "Say what you want, the kid's got balls." J has to be confused after watching the fight; it'd be easy to get in his head. Craig asks how they can pull that off. Deran has the novel idea of being nice to J.<br />
<br />
Baz tells Pope he should've come to the family meeting. Pope doesn't think that would've changed anything; in fact, it would've gone worse. "Unless you were gonna stab her in the face, it's hard to imagine," says Baz. Oh, don't tempt him.<br />
<br />
They sit down at a bar and order beers. Baz has an idea for their next job: New Canticle, a local megachurch. They'll have J help "if he's willing to piss off Grandma." However it goes down, they have to give Smurf a cut. "She's got her building; she's not gonna starve," says Pope, adding, "I wouldn't give a shit if she <i>did </i>starve." He flat out refuses to pay her. Pope goes so far as to wish Smurf had "dropped me and Julia off at a firehouse door the day she had us."<br />
<br />
At a gas station, Craig leans against Deran's truck, texting away. Deran comes out of the convenience store and puts something in the cooler. "The kid broke up with her. Why can't you?" he asks his older brother. Craig wants to keep her close because her dad helped them rip off Camp Pendleton.<br />
<br />
Deran asks if Craig filled the gas tank. Nope, Craig's credit card got declined. Deran says, "So you've just been standing here not pumping gas?" Uh, pretty much. Deran tries his card, wondering if Craig forgot to pay the bill. Craig says that's Smurf's job. Deran's card works and he wants to pull a job before it doesn't anymore.<br />
<br />
"Don't you have to get Lena?" Pope asks when Baz orders another round of beer. Baz shrugs, "It's not even late." Besides, babysitting is a good distraction for Smurf. Baz has still been seeing Lucy, his Tijuana mistress. Lucy doesn't know Cath left because "she'd be up here with a U-Haul in two minutes."<br />
<br />
Baz is lonely and horny. He wants to try picking up the blond woman who's been eyeing him; Pope could flirt with her dark-haired friend. Pope declines and leaves the bar. Next thing we know, Baz is at the blond's house; she's rather enthusiastically having sex with him.<br />
<br />
Smurf pulls up to the garage in her sports car. She lets Lena out of the backseat and tells her to go inside and get their movie ready. A man in his twenties or thirties is standing behind Smurf: "Manny said you'd still look good. You recognize me? I'm all grown." The guy, Javi, has left her 10 messages.<br />
<br />
Javi wants to take Smurf to see Manny (whoever he is). Smurf invites Javi into the garage for a beer. When she opens the refrigerator, we see a pearl-handled revolver taped to the back of the milk carton. Smurf makes it plain Manny isn't getting more money from her; their deal is $5,000 a month like always.<br />
<br />
"He's dying," Javi informs her. He's parked up the block. Smurf tells Javi he has another thing coming: "You don't hop my fence and tell me to get in a car." Javi more or less orders her to say goodbye to Manny. She will, but on her own terms.<br />
<br />
When it seems a kidnapping might be impending, Smurf opens the fridge and reaches for the milk. Javi asks if Smurf sings Lena to sleep the way she used to with him. He walks away, adding, "You won't need that gun."<br />
<br />
Deran parks the Scout by the bar he visited earlier. Craig asks if they're robbing it for termites. Deran scoffs that they aren't casing the joint. The bar's owner just died and the widow doesn't want the place. Deran needs cash to buy it. Craig immediately spots a problem with the place: "You can't even see the 'open' sign."<br />
<br />
J leaves his bike outside, entering the house through the sliding glass door. Smurf is drinking again. "Can I still live here?" J asks. Smurf replies warmly, "Of course, baby." J is sure his uncles didn't mean half of what they said earlier. Smurf doesn't have a problem if he wants to do jobs with them, "but you can't be a spy if you want them to trust you. Or at least, you can't have them think you're one."<br />
<br />
Smurf has a present for her favorite grandson: a credit card with no limit. "I trust you'll be responsible," she smiles. J doesn't know what to say other than thanks. When he moved in with Smurf, all he had was a backpack full of worn-out clothes, an old bike, and sneakers with holes in them.<br />
<br />
Baz lies flat on his back in the woman's bed, alone. He pulls on his jeans and walks toward the sound of the running shower. When the blond realizes he's there, she clamps her arms over her bare breasts. Baz is hungry and suggests they go out to eat together. The woman rudely declines and tells him to let her shower in peace. Baz goes back to sit on her bed, clearly depressed.<br />
<br />
Nicky power-walks toward Craig's place and starts banging on the door. Annoyed, he comes out of his room, pulling a shirt over his head. When he answers, Nicky pushes her way in, talking a mile a minute. She just had "an epic fight" with her parents because "Guam is really happening." She's been texting him about it.<br />
<br />
Craig lies that he's been sleeping. Nicky's dad has accepted a new job running the sewage-treatment plant at a Navy base in Guam and wants the whole family to go with him. Craig gives her some advice: "Tell your dad to eat a bag of dicks and Guam can kiss your ass."<br />
<br />
Nicky starts looking through the cabinets: "Do you have any tequila or coke? I'll take any altered state I can get right now." Craig keeps up his I-have-the-flu story; the doctor said he's still contagious. Nicky offers to heat up some of the soup she brought over. "I don't wanna get you sick," says Craig. Nicky asks him to text when he feels better and gives him a kiss.<br />
<br />
When Nicky's gone, Craig takes the container of soup into his room and flops onto the bed. "Who was that?" asks the naked woman next to him. Craig says, "My nephew's girlfriend. You want soup?"<br />
<br />
In her room, Smurf is wearing pajamas and smoking a joint while she plays checkers with Lena. Enter Baz. "I told you your daddy would come back...eventually," says Smurf. Baz apologizes for not telling her he'd be gone all night. Smurf sends Lena to pack up her overnight bag.<br />
<br />
Baz lets his adoptive mom know she'll still get a 10% cut of their jobs. Smurf scoffs she hasn't needed anyone to take care of her since she was 11. Baz thinks it's the right thing to do "'cause you always took care of me." "You bet I did," says Smurf.<br />
<br />
Before she can reiterate how much Baz owes her, Lena comes in, looking for her stuffed animal. Smurf thinks Tigey is by the pool; she'll help her look.<br />
<br />
J rides his bike out of the garage, eating a cereal bar. When the gate opens, Deran is waiting for him. He tells the kid they're all going to Baz's to plan some things. J can't; it's a school day. Deran doesn't think it'll hurt to miss a day. Doesn't J want to be part of the robbery crew? He and Craig think he should be.<br />
<br />
J relents. Deran puts his bike in the bed of the truck, saying, "I never went to school." "I can tell, man," J sasses.<br />
<br />
In Baz's kitchen, Deran lays out his plan for robbing a wedding on a yacht. They'll wait until it's out at sea, "shake down the guests, kill the engine." Baz doesn't see how they can case it. Pope worries more about making a clean getaway in the middle of the ocean.<br />
<br />
Baz wants to move ahead with New Canticle, like they were going to two years prior. Pope jabs at Deran, "Unless one camera and a fat guy is too much security for you." Craig breezes in through the sliding door, asking what he missed.<br />
<br />
"These guys wanna hit a church. New Canticle," Deran tells them. Craig doesn't like the idea; it's too close to home. Besides, "ripping off a church? What kinda shit karma is that gonna be?" If Craig Cody thinks your plan is immoral, you really need to check yourself. Baz thinks it's a little late for any of them to worry about karma.<br />
<br />
Lena interrupts, bringing Baz a picture she drew. Baz tells her to draw another. Lena asks if they can go to the beach, a reasonable request considering it's just across the street. Baz tells her no.<br />
<br />
Deran wants to take a vote, megachurch vs. yacht: "J can be the swing." Everyone vehemently disagrees with that. Craig thought equal votes and shares was the new plan. Well, it's kinda hard to have equal votes when there's an odd number of people on your robbery crew.<br />
<br />
Deran points at Baz and Pope: "Are you guys gonna be the tiebreaker?" Are they gonna change the rules on even splits too? In a word, yes. Pope feels if someone does more planning or takes more of the risk, they should get a bigger share. They argue about the finer points, like who gets to decide or what if not everyone is involved in the job.<br />
<br />
"Daddy?" says Lena. Baz screams, "What?! Lena, how many times do I have to tell you? No beach today, not happening." Lena doesn't cry, but it's obvious she's stunned and hurt. Uncle Pope steps in; he'll take her if Baz says it's okay. Baz agrees; he clearly just wants the kid out of his hair.<br />
<br />
Baz dismisses everyone but J. Baz knows everyone thinks it was smart of J to start a fire, "but I think bringing cops to the scene really screwed us." I don't know how things work in Los Angeles, but here in the South, PD doesn't roll with FD without a reason. Being lookout just means observing. J says, "Next time you're about to get caught, I'll just stay in the truck, right?"<br />
<br />
Pope stands on the outskirts of the beach playground, watching the kids on the swings. One of the moms approaches Pope: "Your daughter's an expert. It's been, what, like an hour?" Pope asks if another kid on the swings is the woman's son: "He's--he's really good at that."<br />
<br />
Playground Mom defies all parenting logic by asking this perfect stranger, "Could you watch him for a second? I just have to change the baby. I left the wipes in the car." Pope can do that, sure.<br />
<br />
Still in her PJs, Smurf wraps up five slices of untouched pie. She sighs, holding back tears. Smurf opens the fridge and takes out several big packages of meat.<br />
<br />
Lucy meets up with Baz at a bar, impressed that they're being so public: "What if Cath walks in with the guy she's cheating on you with?" Baz doesn't think she's coming back and he wouldn't take her back even if she did. How about they go back to his place? "Am I supposed to just jump at the chance?" asks Lucy, raising her eyebrows, "Is Cath's stuff still at your house?" She'll think about coming over once it's gone. Baz sighs again as his phone vibrates.<br />
<br />
Deran goes to Craig's house and finds his brother snorting lines. "You're not doing that shit," he says firmly, "Stop it!" "Are you kidding me?" Craig yells when Deran knocks his mirror over. Deran thought Craig was taking a shower so they could talk more about the yacht. "I was gonna!" Craig insists.<br />
<br />
"Showing up to Baz's all coked out...it's not a good look," says Deran. I agree. Smurf and the others treat them like kids because Craig makes it easy. "Get your shit together, man! I'm sick of this! Responsibility!" Deran shouts. Not a word the Codys know a lot about, but Craig is pretty out of control.<br />
<br />
At the same time, they get texts from Smurf, announcing meat loaf at 7:00. Craig snarks, "Well, better make sure she takes the first bite." (And also that they don't try to steal Pope's portion). This is a very shrewd move on her part. Smurf knows none of them can cook and the way to her sons' hearts is through their stomachs.<br />
<br />
Nicky walks in without knocking, declaring, "I told my dad to eat shit. I'm not going anywhere." She plops down on the couch like she belongs there. Deran gives Craig an I-thought-you-two-broke-up look.<br />
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The older Cody boys arrive at the compound roughly the same time, even Pope. Baz is surprised he came. "I sorta had to. I've got Lena," says Pope, opening his car's back door. Baz, who clearly forgot about his own kid, mumbles, "Right." "Uncle Pope bought me ice cream," Lena chirps. Baz sends her in to say hi to Smurf.<br />
<br />
Later, Lena plays inside while the adults finish dinner. Smurf is glad everyone still likes meatloaf. "I think we all had a pretty tough day yesterday. Now this is a family and that's never gonna change," she says, then calls for a toast, "May we all get what we want..." "...And never what we deserve," the boys chorus.<br />
<br />
Smurf eagerly asks about their next plan, but no one answers. She understands the silence and offers help if they need it. Dutiful grandson J will help her serve dessert.<br />
<br />
Elsewhere, a home health nurse changes an IV bag. She tells Javi, "He started screaming again. I upped the morphine on his drip." She steps out for a smoke. The bedside table is littered with prescription bottles. There's also a tape recorder and a small collection of tapes.<br />
<br />
Pope stays outside at the table while the others help Smurf wrap up the leftovers. I'm surprised there are any with that crew. Baz comes out to take Lena home and thanks Pope for watching her. J goes to collect the rest of the dishes. Pope whispers in his ear, "Just be careful, man, okay?" J watches for a long minute as Smurf opens a fresh bottle of vodka. End of episode.Shortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-976174241627136657.post-70330870627328291232017-05-14T11:29:00.001-04:002017-05-14T11:29:09.474-04:00"King Arthur: Legend of the Sword"<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://cdn.movieweb.com/img.site/PH2LnxM5ywrj58_1_l.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://cdn.movieweb.com/img.site/PH2LnxM5ywrj58_1_l.jpg" height="400" width="268" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://cdn.movieweb.com/img.site/PH2LnxM5ywrj58_1_l.jpg">(Image credit)</a></td></tr>
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Ever since I saw the first trailer, I've been eagerly anticipating this movie for two reasons. The first being my longtime crush on the crown prince of Charming, Charlie Hunnam. The second reason was its release date: May 12th, the day I would graduate with my RN degree. Watching shirtless Charlie bare-knuckle box and sword fight was my graduation gift to myself.<br />
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Guy Ritchie, director of the Robert Downey Jr. version of <i>Sherlock Holmes</i>, took a lot of poetic license with the original King Arthur story. I don't remember a morbidly obese octopus woman demanding human sacrifices in exchange for magical intervention. Merlin is conspicuously absent. Instead of noble knights, Charlie Hunnam's companions are a group of peasant misfits.<br />
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The plot itself borrows heavily from Shakespeare's <i>Hamlet. </i>Arthur was born the son of King Uther (how's that for a confusing name pair?). Uther's brother Vortigern (Jude Law) wanted the throne for himself and dabbled in black magic. When Arthur was a child, Vortigern murdered his parents.<br />
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Set adrift in a rowboat, young Arthur is found and taken in by a group of women who live and work in a brothel. Arthur starts off with simple chores like sweeping the floors and pouring drinks. By the time he's a teenager, he graduates to bouncing unruly customers who refuse to pay or beat up the girls.<br />
<br />
Arthur is eventually captured and taken by boat to Vortigern's remote castle, along with dozens of other young men. Vortigern is desperately searching for the Born King, the only one who can pull the enchanted sword Excalibur from the stone and then challenge his rule. As anyone who's heard the original legend knows, the Born King is Arthur.<br />
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A further plot twist involves Excalibur itself. The sword possesses magical energy, which Arthur must learn to control. Helping him with this task is a hauntingly beautiful woman known only as The Mage. Arthur at first has no interest in power, but eventually accepts his destiny. The movie avoids the cliche of having Arthur fall in love with The Mage. According to legend, his one true love is Guinevere, a character who's also not in this version.<br />
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The writing, sense of humor, and even the score is much the same as <i>Sherlock Holmes</i>. The special effects and fight sequences are impressive. I had a small quibble with the way it was filmed, however. I saw a 2-D screening and it was glaringly obvious (sometimes to the point of distraction) which portions were meant to be in 3-D. The pacing could've been done better. The first 20-30 minutes are slow and contain almost no dialogue, which made me fear I made a terrible mistake deciding to watch it.<br />
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Is this movie as good as Guy Ritchie's <i>Sherlock Holmes? </i>Not even close. Were the trailers misleading about the amount of shirtless Charlie Hunnam? A little. Is watching him kick ass with his sword and bare hands an entertaining way to spend two hours? Absolutely. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.geeksofdoom.com/GoD/img/2015/07/king-arthur-charlie-hunnam-ew-image-09-e1469240959713-530x333.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.geeksofdoom.com/GoD/img/2015/07/king-arthur-charlie-hunnam-ew-image-09-e1469240959713-530x333.jpg" height="251" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I'm all about the chivalry, darlin'."<br /><a href="http://www.geeksofdoom.com/GoD/img/2015/07/king-arthur-charlie-hunnam-ew-image-09-e1469240959713-530x333.jpg">(Image credit)</a></td></tr>
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Shortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-976174241627136657.post-24160236418696179002017-04-07T23:15:00.001-04:002017-04-07T23:15:24.072-04:00Top 10 Quotes: "A Goofy Movie"<i>On this day in 1995, Disney released one of its most underrated animated movies. Catchy tunes like "Stand Out" and "After Today" make this a road trip you'll want to take again and again. It's tough to be cool when your dad is Goofy.</i><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/disney/images/c/cb/A_goofy_movie_poster_1.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20150320014543" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/disney/images/c/cb/A_goofy_movie_poster_1.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20150320014543" height="400" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/disney/images/c/cb/A_goofy_movie_poster_1.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20150320014543">(Image credit)</a></td></tr>
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1. <b>Goofy: </b>Hey, Maxie, let's play a game. You think of a name and I'll try and guess who it is. Man or woman?<br /><b>Max: </b><i>(groaning) </i>Aw man.<br />
<b>Goofy: </b>Man, huh? That's a toughie. Let's see...Walt Disney!<br /><b>Max: </b><i>(dully) </i>Right.<br />
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2. <b>Max: </b><i>(increasingly nervous when Roxanne's hulking dad answers the door) </i>Hi. Is Roxanne home? Oh, my name is Max. Does Roxanne live here? Does she even live on this block?<br />
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3. <b>Goofy: </b>There'll be plenty of time for parties when you're older, Maxie. Why, when I was your age, I'd never even been invited to a party. And look at me now!<br />
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4. <b>Bobby: </b>Look! It's the Leaning Tower of Cheese-a!<br />
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5. <b>Pete: </b>Taking a break from the MTV generation, huh? Can't say as I blame you. (<i>jumps in the hot tub and half the water sloshes out) </i>People are always puttin' too much water in these things.<br />
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6. <b>Max: </b>This is the <i>stupidest</i> vacation! You drag me from home and jam me in this <i>dumb </i>car and drive me a million miles away to see some stupid <i>rat </i>show!<br />
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7. <b>Goofy: </b><i>(trying to guilt Max after his initial refusal to go on the trip) </i>All right then. Guess I'll just have to go all alone, that's all. Just sit in the boat...all alone. And talk to myself. All alone.<br />
<b>Max: </b><i>(brightly) </i>I guess so!<br />
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8. <b>Pete: </b>If you keep 'em under your thumb, they'll never end up in the gutter.<br />
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9. <b>Max: </b><i>(singing) </i>Can someone call a taxi<br />
And get me outta here<br />
To Beverly Hills, 90210?<br />
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10. <b>Goofy: </b><i>(singing)</i> Who deserves a hero's trophy<br />
As we face each cat-a-strophe<br />
Nobody else but youShortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-976174241627136657.post-27529452364224461472017-03-25T12:24:00.000-04:002017-08-19T12:49:06.722-04:00Bates Motel: "Hidden"/"Dreams Die First" (Season 5, Episodes 4 & 5)<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.theoriginalsaaf.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/spoiler-alert-dw.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.theoriginalsaaf.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/spoiler-alert-dw.jpg" height="280" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.theoriginalsaaf.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/spoiler-alert-dw.jpg">(Image credit)</a></td></tr>
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"Hidden" opens with the immediate aftermath of Caleb vs. car. Norman, of all people, wants to call the police; this was just a nasty accident and nobody can be prosecuted. Chick begs to differ. They can't explain away the handcuff bruise on Caleb's wrist or his partly-healed head wound. Chick tosses Caleb's body in his trunk and later strips him naked and gives him a Viking funeral out at the lake. Community-minded Norman tosses Caleb's clothes in a local Goodwill bin (after laundering out the blood, of course).<br />
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Norman gives some of Mother's old dresses to Madeline from the hardware store (creepy). In turn, she invites Norman over for dinner while her husband is out of town. When they finish eating, Madeline suggests they bake a cake and watch movies. This escalates to making out in her kitchen. Norman, of course, reacts by running out of there like his ass is on fire. It's not because Madeline's a married woman and this is adultery; no, it's because Mother wouldn't like this one bit.<br />
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There's also a new sheriff in town and she seems to find something suspicious about Norman. Romero is still hitchhiking his way to White Pine Bay to murder Norman.<br />
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Confession: Not only am I remiss in watching the first 4 seasons of <i>Bates Motel, </i>I also have never seen the original version of <i>Psycho. </i>I can't really comment on how true the next episode "Dreams Die First" is to the source material. All I know is that Rihanna's character Marion becomes the victim of the eventual gruesome shower scene. She's also the woman Madeline's husband brought to the motel.<br />
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Marion wants to be promoted at her job, which her boss can't do because she doesn't have a college degree. Her lover Sam is deeply in debt, prompting to Marion to leave town with a briefcase full of cash and instructions to meet Sam in White Pine Bay. Marion gets caught in a vicious thunderstorm. The episode ends with her pulling up to the infamous Bates Motel.<br />
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In between, there's a side trip to Seattle. Dylan seems to be feeling just slightly guilty about throwing his dad out. He also confesses to Emma that earrings she wears once belonged to Norma. Dylan is worried that Norma could've hurt their mom. (Boy, is he in for nasty surprises if he goes to investigate).<br />
<br />Shortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-976174241627136657.post-36707349291184391932017-03-14T16:34:00.000-04:002017-08-19T12:28:21.684-04:00The Strike Team Covers "The Spread" (The Shield: Season 1, Episode 3)Posting this in honor of the 15th anniversary of <i>The Shield'</i>s debut.<br />
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<i>Previously on: Vic Mackey, commander of the elite Strike Team, killed the team's rookie Terry Crowley in cold blood. Terry had been planted there to investigate some of Vic's shady tactics. Captain Edgar-veda is working overtime to prove that Vic did it, but with no success, even after grilling Vic's right-hand man Shane. Vic also seems to have an unusually close relationship with an informant, a junkie prostitute named Connie. He even buys her drugs.</i><br />
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Present. Captain Edgar-veda is at the podium in the roll call room, announcing that it's warrant sweep day. Everyone present groans. Each officer has been assigned a list of suspects; word spreads fast on the street, so he estimates they have 3-4 hours to round everyone up. Vic watches the proceedings from upstairs, shooting people with a squirt gun that looks very much like a police-issue 9 mm. Suspects are assigned randomly, meaning a lot of extra driving for the uniforms. Danny looks through her stack and asks if anyone's willing to trade her an Echo Park for Koreatown.<br />
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Vic comes downstairs and sees Danny has been assigned a suspect named Virgil. During their last encounter, he swung at Vic in front of a bunch of kids. Vic'll take this warrant. Shane lets Vic know he has a visitor waiting in the lobby. Lem takes the squirt gun from Vic and fires it, shouting, "Police! Freeze, suckers!"<br />
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Connie is sitting on what looks like a pew. What is it with these cop shows and<a href="http://jumpstreetchapel.blogspot.com/"> deconsecrated churches</a>? Connie is crying. Vic takes her to the Strike Team's clubhouse. Connie tells Vic that one of her johns had a knife, Vic wants to see the damage. He pushes back her hair and helps her take off her faux-leather jacket. There's a cut from one side of Connie's neck to the middle of her back. One of her wrists is bruised. In addition, the john hit Connie and tried to rape her. Connie wrote part of the john's license plate on her hand. With what, I wonder? Vic brings Connie to Dutch, then asks him to take her to the hospital.<br />
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Vic and the Strike Team kick in the door of an apartment where a Virgil and a friend are smoking weed, drinking, and listening to loud rap. A third guy wanders out of the bathroom, asking who turned off the music. Lem instantly recognizes him as Derrick Tripp, a pro basketball player for the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brooklyn_Nets">New Jersey Nets</a>. The Lakers are playing a home game against New Jersey that night. "You miss the exit for the Staples Center, Derrick?" Vic asks. He reminds him that marijuana is illegal. When Vic pats Derrick down, he finds a gun in the back of his waistband. Derrick claims he has a permit, but darn it all, he left it back in New Jersey.<br />
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Vic tells the guys to take the rest of their suspects back to the precinct. Shane thinks it's gonna be a circus when they bring Derrick in. Vic notices a sign across the street advertising furnished apartments for rent. Derrick is always tough when he plays against the Lakers. "How'd you like to change the course of sports history?" asks Vic.<br />
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The landlord wants to know what the Strike Team needs an apartment for. Vic explains they're conducting surveillance on the building across the street; they'll be out by tonight. "You gonna break anything? It's a bitch to collect from the city, you know," says the landlord. Vic promises they'll be extra careful. The landlord tells Vic to put the keys in the mailbox when he leaves.<br />
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Shane brings in Derrick, who wants to know what the hell is going on. Vic says they're doing him a favor by keeping him out of the limelight. He wants to know if Derrick really did a sneaker commercial in one take. Presumably it involved a slam dunk because Shane thinks "that was some CGI mojo." Derrick is worried about losing sponsors because his contract has a morals clause. Vic will see what he can do about making this go away. He pulls out his phone, pretending he's calling his captain. However, he's really calling his wife.<br />
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Vic tells her he just arrested Derrick Tripp on weapons charges. Vic's wife reminds him that they have a parent-teacher conference with their son's teacher that night. Should she bring a change of clothes to work for him? Vic says that would help and Lem has the address. Vic hangs up and turns to Derrick. The captain is a big fan and will be coming down personally to make the charges disappear. Shane smiles and whispers to Vic that he's nuts. Vic thinks that without Derrick's outside shot, the Lakers can't lose. Shane better call his bookie.<br />
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Vic talks about Derrick getting mouthy with a ref the season before. "That call was weak," complains Derrick. It looked like a foul to Shane. Lem and Ronnie return with pizzas and 4 basketballs. Lem hands Derrick a Sharpie for an autograph. Vic assures the athlete that the captain will be here any minute. Derrick doesn't usually sign for free; in fact, he charges $150. Vic thinks that's understandable: "A lot of people send their kids up to score. 'Oh, Derrick, please sign this for me.' Then Daddy turns around and scalps it on the Internet." Vic asks Derrick to make out one of the autographs for his son Matt.<br />
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Shane thinks it's weak that a guy who makes $15 million a year charges for autographs. Derrick says it's nowhere close to that after taxes, his agent, publicists, managers, etc. Shane guesses that probably still leaves him with $6 million. Must be so hard to live on that. Lem and Ronnie don't notice the tension; they're too busy eating the pizza.<br />
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Shane tells Vic that he got Lem and Ronnie in on the action with his bookie. Vic is gonna pass; it's not about the money, it's about Lakers home court advantage for the playoffs. Shane is surprised Derrick can even sign his own name. "What do you care?" asks Vic. Shane wants to know what they're supposed to do about the rest of their warrants. Vic swears he took care of it.<br />
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Back at the precinct, a sweaty, puke-covered junkie pushes his way to the front of a long line. He tells the desk sergeant that Vic told him to turn himself in. Nathan the desk sergeant wrinkles his nose: "Line forms over there." Sergeant Nathan gripes to Edgar-veda that he's one guy doing a two-person job. Edgar-veda butters him up; he wouldn't have scheduled warrant sweeps today without his Most Valuable Policeman on duty. An attractive black woman in a business suit arrives, introducing herself as Marsha, Derrick's attorney.<br />
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Meanwhile, Claudette hasn't been able to find any other reports of prostitutes being raped at knife point. The partial plate Connie gave them had 600 possible matches. Dutch reports that hooker murders are up on the East Side and the last few had similarities. He's been studying murders in the whole city because "you never know when a disturbing pattern's going to emerge." Claudette thinks she's witnessing a disturbing pattern right now.<br />
<br />
Dutch lays several crime scene photos on his partner's desk, all of prostitute murders: one beaten with a pipe, one strangled by hand, and one choked with a rope. Different locations and weapons each time, but each woman was found facedown. "You're stretching, son. Try yoga," says Claudette. Dutch speculates that Connie was meant to be the killer's fourth victim, but she got away. He's taking the information to Edgar-veda and asking for a task force. Claudette warns that he'll just say no. And Claudette is right. Dutch has another strategy: find Connie's attacker and tie him to the other murders.<br />
<br />
Danny and Julien bring in a Latino suspect with curly hair. The guy knows he's seen Julien before, hanging around someplace called the Abbey in West Hollywood: "How come you never come in? It's fun." Julien tells the guy he's mistaken.<br />
<br />
Connie paces in front of a computer, where Claudette is clicking through mug shots. She whines, "Why can't Vic take care of this?" I'm sure Claudette wishes he would. Connie suddenly recognizes one of the men and points to the mug shot. Claudette clicks on the picture; their suspect is William Greeley. He's only been arrested once for trespassing on federal property as part of an environmental protest. The charge was later dropped.<br />
<br />
When Claudette leaves to call for a warrant, Dutch asks about Connie's relationship with Vic. She says they "have a bond that transcends sex." Okie-dokie, whatever that means.<br />
<br />
Dutch, Claudette, and a bunch of uniforms raid Greeley's house. They find their illustrious environmentalist <i>au naturale </i>on his couch. Claudette advises him to put some clothes on. In the kitchen, the old-fashioned refrigerator is held shut with a padlock. Dutch calls for bolt cutters, wondering how many heads he'll find in there. When Dutch cuts the lock, he doesn't find heads or other body parts to speak of, just a lot of unlabeled glass jars filled with...something. Dutch doesn't think it looks like mayonnaise. He uncaps a jar and lifts it toward his nose.<br />
<br />
From the other room, Greeley shouts, "You keep away from my children!" Alarmed, Dutch drops the jar and it shatters on the floor. Danny and Claudette immediately nope their way out of the kitchen.<br />
<br />
Vic goes back to the precinct to meet his wife. Edgar-veda and Derrick's attorney Marsha want a word with him because Derrick was last seen in Vic's custody. Vic explains that Derrick happened to be hanging out with some people who had warrants out. The drugs on scene weren't Derrick's, so he was free to go. Marsha hasn't heard from Derrick all day and neither has anyone else in his inner circle. Vic plays dumb. Connie is back from the hospital. She's Jonesing and edgy; the other detectives won't let her leave. Vic tells her to just chill out.<br />
<br />
In interrogation, Greeley insists he'd never hurt anybody. He quit his job as actuary 6 months ago, but has hobbies to occupy his time. Dutch deadpans, "I know. Nice sperm collection." Greeley beams and says, "Thank you."<br />
<br />
Back at the apartment, Lem is lying on the couch after gorging himself on pizza, the bottom half of his shirt unbuttoned. Derrick asks again where the captain is. Shane promises he'll be there within an hour. Derrick wants to leave since the charges are getting dropped anyway; he'll leave the captain some tickets at will-call.<br />
<br />
You see, Derrick has an important meeting with "one of my little L.A. honeys I bang when I'm in town." Shane thinks she might prefer conjugal visits. "Hey, bring her on down here, man. There's a bedroom," Lem suggests cheerfully. Shane gives him a shut-up-you're-not-helping look. Derrick guesses the place'll do since the girl didn't have a problem with sex in the men's room at Spago's. "Oh, you're a real classy guy," says Shane. For once, I agree with him! Lem helpfully tosses Derrick his cell phone to make his booty call. To protect and serve...<br />
<br />
At the precinct, Claudette asks where Greeley was the night before. Greeley basically has no alibi; he lives alone and can't remember whether or not he went out. Dutch asks where Greeley was on December 15th and February 5th, but Greeley can't remember that either. Dutch asks if he knows Kitty Weir or Rosita Pedroza. Greeley doesn't and insists he'd never kill anyone because he's pro-life. So are the people who firebomb abortion clinics during business hours.<br />
<br />
Outside, Claudette tells Dutch to rein it in. Dutch opines Greeley is a freak "straight out of an FBI textbook." Claudette doesn't necessarily disagree, but they had planned to use Connie's assault as a building block for the murder cases. Dutch knows Greeley wants to talk. Vic, watching from a doorway, reminds Dutch, "I asked you to find Connie's john, not Jack the Ripper." He wants to jog Greeley's memory, but Claudette says no way. Trick me once, shame on you.<br />
<br />
Downstairs, Vic tells Connie that her john's been arrested. She wants to watch the ass-kicking, but she'll have to settle for jail time. Vic offers to let her lie down on the Strike Team's couch. "I can't lie down!" Connie says loudly, attracting the attention of everyone in the squadroom. Edgar-veda looms behind them. Vic manages to herd Connie into the Strike Team's lounge just as his wife arrives, duffle bag and their young son in tow. He quietly promises to take care of Connie's "need."<br />
<br />
Vic's greeting of "Hey, hon" is rather strained. His son, Matthew, jumps into his arms. His wife has seen Connie, so Vic says Connie is just part of a case he's working on. Vic's wife hands over the bag. She has to leave now to take Matthew on a playdate. Vic thanks her for the "fresh cape," presumably because Matt thinks he's a superhero---awww.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/images/content/127975.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/images/content/127975.jpg" height="312" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">And the kid isn't far off.<br />
(<a href="http://www.strangeoldepictures.com/images/content/127975.jpg">Photo credit</a>).</td></tr>
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Meanwhile, somebody knocks on the apartment door. A tall, thin blond with big boobs is on the other side of it. She's wearing a low-cut crop top, <a href="https://img1.etsystatic.com/039/0/8224565/il_fullxfull.617321869_2mfl.jpg">a belly chain</a>, and painted-on jeans. She asks if Derrick is around. Derrick comes out of the bedroom and more or less immediately puts his tongue down her throat. Shane is disgusted: "Oh, save it for Spago's." The blond wraps a leg around Derrick, all but humping him in front of 3 strangers. Lem snaps out of his pizza coma to sit up and watch intently.<br />
<br />
The girl goes into the bedroom first. Lem wastes no time in exclaiming about how hot she is. Derrick scoffs: "Adriana's a...par." He has a groupie in Seattle who's a birdie. Shane opines both Adriana and Miss Seattle have probably slept with half the league. Derrick hopes they all have earplugs 'cause "he's going in." Just in case nobody at home understood the meaning of that, Derrick adds an obscene gesture. When he closes the bedroom door, Shane mockingly repeats the gesture.<br />
<br />
At an apartment complex, Danny and Julien head to their car after unsuccessfully trying to serve a warrant. An older Latina with her hair in curlers flags them down, talking rapidly in Spanish. I took two semesters of it and all I can get out of what she's saying is "music." I guess she's complaining about a loud neighbor. The neighbor in question is their suspect Ricky Harris. Danny gives the woman her business card and in Spanish tells her to call when Ricky comes home.<br />
<br />
In the precinct, the Hispanic guy seen earlier continues to harass Julien from the holding cell. He's not a bad person; he just passed a bad check. The warrant is a mistake because he paid the fine and got a suspended sentence. All Julien has to do is call Curly's legal aid lawyer. Curly gets right up to the chainlink of the holding cell, insisting he doesn't belong in here with all these criminals. Danny smacks her nightstick against the fence as a warning to get back.<br />
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Upstairs, Greeley is repeating he'd never rape anyone and has never used the services of a prostitute. He doesn't have to because women need him for survival of the species. He explains why men are attracted to large breasts (better for feeding babies) and adds that women respond to his, um, "assets." Claudette saw him naked and wasn't impressed. Greeley tells her penis size is overrated; testicles are "the true seed of male virility." Oh boy, somebody get this guy a seat on Dr. Ruth.<br />
<br />
Claudette goes out of the room and gets more background from her partner. Dutch talked to one of Greeley's old girlfriends. Our sperm collecting pal has a temper and an inoperable brain tumor, a lovely combination. None of which explains why he dumps the bodies facedown. Claudette tells Dutch forget about making a name for himself as a serial killer hunter; they have to corroborate Connie's story. "He wants to tell us," Dutch repeats. Everybody's a broken record today.<br />
<br />
Outside the apartment where Derrick is stashed, Vic has just gotten a cell phone call. He answers, irritated, asking why Shane couldn't wait. "Listen to this crap," Shane snaps, holding the phone toward the bedroom. Vic is treated to a series of loud sex noises. He thinks it's funny. Shane doesn't share in his amusement. Derrick asks Shane to call the captain again. Shane looks like he'll go nuts if he hears that question again. I just might too. According to Shane, the only reason Derrick still has teeth is the money he'll be winning on the game.<br />
<br />
As Vic hangs up, he hears a woman scream. This time, it's not in the throes of passion. It's terrified, pleading. Vic's cop instincts kick in and he races toward the sound. In what I swear is the same apartment block from the first <i>Karate Kid</i>, a crying woman is pleading with a man to give her baby Evan back. A neighbor shouts that the baby daddy is a crankhead. Well, that's super not-good. Neighbors all over are standing outside watching, but nobody seems to have the courage to step in.<br />
<br />
Vic asks calmly, "Why don't you give me Evan?" Crankhead Daddy shouts that the baby is burning up and needs to be cooled down. Vic lies that he's a doctor. Crankhead Daddy sees through him. Suddenly, Crankhead Daddy jumps over the balcony and into the filthy swimming pool below. Mom, hysterical, runs down the stairs. Vic dives into the water, emerging with Evan, who's scared but still alive. I really hope Vic's tetanus shot is up to date. He hands Evan to his mom. Crankhead Daddy hasn't come up for air yet, so Vic goes back underwater.<br />
<br />
At the precinct, Sergeant Nathan praises Vic for saving the baby. Crankhead Daddy is put in a holding cell. I bet Vic is glad he thought of asking his wife for fresh clothes; otherwise he'd be in those wet jeans all day. Connie is still pacing in the clubhouse. Vic gives her a rock of crack that he presumably took off the guy he just arrested. He tells her to blow the smoke out the window. He can't have anybody smelling drugs and getting suspicious.<br />
<br />
Derrick and Adriana make out some more before they say goodbye. Shane is glaring at them. "Tell the captain he missed me," says Derrick, hand on the doorknob. Shane asks if one of Derrick's sponsors is Viagra. Lem and Ronnie laugh. Derrick is pissed; he has to go to shoot-around practice at 5:00. Shane tells Derrick that he's not going anywhere and their captain isn't available by phone. Derrick has (finally) figured out that there is no captain. He thinks he gave the guys enough: free autographs and a peep show.<br />
<br />
Shane drops the n-bomb. Lem and Ronnie don't look so amused anymore. Derrick grabs Lem's phone to call his lawyer. He threatens that Shane's badge will look good next to his Rookie of the Year trophy. Shane tries to grab the phone, but Derrick won't let go. Ronnie and Lem jump out of their seats to stop the fight.<br />
<br />
In the clubhouse, Vic lights up a cigar. Yeah, that'll totally cover up the smell of crack. He exits the room. Edgar-veda tells Vic that Baby Evan will be just fine. However, the captain finds it curious that the baby rescue happened in the same apartment building where Derrick was last seen. Vic shrugs that he lost his wallet during the raid and went back to look for it.<br />
<br />
Edgar-veda tells him to put the cigar out. He surmises that the Nets will be hurting without Derrick. Vic explains in graphic terms that Derrick is probably just getting it on with a groupie and lost track of time. Edgar-veda relays this message to Marsha in a much more P.C. statement: "He's probably with a female admirer."<br />
<br />
Julien opens the cage. It turns out Curly's warrant really was a mistake. He apologizes for the inconvenience. Curly wants Julien's phone number to "thank" him further.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, Claudette asks Greeley about his sperm collection. "So many people waste it," Greeley sighs. That is disgusting. He explains that his tumor may render him impotent, so he needs to save sperm so he can pass on his "essence." Hasn't this guy ever heard of a sperm bank? Greeley asks Dutch to step out for a minute. Dutch refuses, but Claudette says it's okay.<br />
<br />
Edgar-veda advises Danny to apply for a sergeant's position. He'll write her a recommendation if she passes the exam; that way, she'll get a post immediately. He'd like her to be a leader. Danny knows his game: "You mean you'd like to promote a woman." Edgar-veda tells her that it's not how you get there, it's what you do when given the chance. Danny will think about it.<br />
<br />
Danny and Julien go back to Ricky Harris's apartment building. She advises him not to get in the habit of doing favors for arrestees. Danny knocks on the door with her nightstick, calling that she has a warrant for Ricky. When she nudges the door open, Ricky is sitting in his living room with a bunch of shady-looking guys who'd be right at home on <i>Sons of Anarchy.</i><br />
<br />
Ricky and friends get belligerent, so Danny calls for backup. One of the guys heads for the couch, the cushions of which are sitting suspiciously high. Danny warns him that she'll blow his brains out if he moves. She orders the men to the floor. Julien checks under the couch cushions and finds a collection of automatic weapons.<br />
<br />
Shane is still roughing up Derrick. The basketball player now has a dirty sock shoved in his mouth (probably Shane's). "What good's your 15 mil now, asshole?" Shane taunts. Lem points out that it's only $6 million. Just then, Vic arrives, demanding to know what they're doing. He knocks the sock out of Derrick's mouth. Cue Derrick screaming that he'll have all their badges: "When you can fill 200,000 seats at $200 a pop, then you'll get the cash and the Grade-A tail. Until then, drag your lily-white ass back home to Simi Valley!"<br />
<br />
At this, Shane gets so incensed he draws his gun, informing Derrick that he lives in Hollywood. Vic walks Shane into the bedroom. Shane insists that Derrick needs to learn a lesson. "By doing what? Executing him?" Vic asks, incredulous. Shane gives him a meaningful look: "Well, why not? I mean, isn't that what we do now? We killed...<i>a cop</i>." Shane's eyes go wet at the last sentence. Vic repeats the story he gave Internal Affairs: Lem and Ronnie didn't clear the room, which enabled Two-Time to shoot Terry. He tells Shane to never bring up Terry again.<br />
<br />
Back in interrogation, Greeley thinks Dutch could learn a lot from Claudette's maternal nature. Claudette is, in fact, the mother of two adult daughters. One is a teacher and the other is a newspaper reporter. Greeley wonders if Claudette ever thought of having more kids. She chuckles that it would have to be soon. First, she needs a man who's compassionate, responsible, and honest. Talk about 3 strikes with one pitch.<br />
<br />
Greeley offers to give Claudette a son. She wants to know where he was last night. Greeley admits to picking up Connie. He got angry and cut her because she tried to make him wear a condom. He swears he never used a knife before. Claudette asks how many women there have been. "You'll make 12," he whispers. Greeley is sure his rape victims will forgive him once they're pregnant with his babies. He insists again that he didn't kill any prostitutes or anyone else.<br />
<br />
Greeley asks Claudette when they can consummate their relationship. "Oh, that's not gonna happen," says Claudette. He orders Claudette to give him access to her lady parts and tries to grab her skirt. Dutch and Edgar-veda, who've been watching via closed-circuit TV, hurry to the rescue. Claudette has the situation handled via a swift kick to Greeley's crotch. Edgar-veda asks if she's okay. "The bigger they are..." mutters Claudette. Beautiful parting shot!<br />
<br />
On their way out of the precinct, Danny tells Dutch about Edgar-veda wanting her to take the sergeant's exam. She's reluctant because she's not a good test taker. She asks if Dutch could be her tutor. Dutch agrees.<br />
<br />
Vic pulls up to a corner where a street preacher is probably proclaiming the end of the world. (Again, I can't speak Spanish). Derrick doesn't even know where they are. "Well, that's your problem," shrugs Vic. He asks why Derrick would risk his livelihood to hang out with a bunch of thugs. Derrick says those guys were his friends before he made it big. Vic offers some sound advice: "If they were your boys, pull them up, instead of them letting them drag you down." He tells Derrick he's only a few short subway stops from the Staples Center. As soon as he gets out of Vic's truck, Derrick is mobbed by fans.<br />
<br />
Sergeant Nathan goes to Edgar-veda's office to announce he put in his retirement papers. He offers to stay on for 2 more weeks to train his replacement; Sergeant Nathan has a system. Edgar-veda says that won't be necessary. They'll muddle through somehow.<br />
<br />
Vic praises Claudette for kicking the pervert's ass. She says they wouldn't have found him if not for Dutch. "But you were the closer," Vic points out.<br />
<br />
Julien visits Curly at his apartment and tells him that he isn't gay. Curly wasn't gay either until he admitted it to himself. He strokes Julien's face and invites him in.<br />
<br />
Matthew's teacher tells Vic and his wife that she's concerned. Matthew isn't socializing well. Vic says a lot of kids go through a shyness phase and grow out of it. The teacher isn't sure it's that simple. She suggests they take Matthew to a developmental pediatrician or possibly a neurologist.<br />
<br />
Vic's drive home is silent except for the radio sports update. The Lakers won the game 101-71, clinching home court advantage in the playoffs: "Derrick Tripp was a no-show after getting stuck in traffic returning from a charity event." Is that what they're calling it now? The announcer finishes with: "Only in L.A." End of episode.Shortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-976174241627136657.post-2766484986338258392017-03-07T10:15:00.000-05:002017-08-19T12:47:38.785-04:00Bates Motel: "Bad Blood" (Season 5, Episode 3)<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(<a href="http://www.theoriginalsaaf.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/spoiler-alert-dw.jpg">Image credit</a>)</td></tr>
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In a Twitter video posted yesterday, Kenny Johnson promised this episode would be an "out of the park home run." <i>Bates Motel </i>did not disappoint. In fact, I'm pretty sure that ball hasn't even landed yet.<br />
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When we last left the Haunted Mansion, Norman had just whacked Caleb over the head with a shovel while dressed as Norma. Chick witnessed this and seemed more fascinated than disturbed. Norman, still acting as Norma, handcuffed Caleb to a post in the basement.<br />
<br />
Norman woke up in Norma's room with no recollection of Caleb even being in the house. Chick brought Norman breakfast in bed and refreshed his memory on that. He spent the rest of the episode playing along with Norman's delusions about Norman being alive/and or Norman himself being Norma.<br />
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Chick also pays a visit to the basement, playing amateur psychiatrist to Caleb, whose head injury makes him by turns loopy and weepy. Caleb tells Chick how Mama Calhoun used to lock him and Norma in their bedroom, sometimes for a couple of days at a stretch. It was always okay, though, because they had each other. That goes a long way toward explaining how things worked out.<br />
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Chick asks, "When did you two break up?", a bizarre question to ask of siblings on any other show. Caleb says Norma left when she was 17 and married one of her high school classmates; he had no idea she was pregnant with Dylan. When Chick inquires about Norma alleging rape, Caleb as good as confesses by saying he doesn't want to talk about it.<br />
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Norma and Norman spend most of the episode debating on whether to kill Caleb. Mother says yes, Norman says no, but we all know Mother is always right. Norman goes downstairs and puts a revolver to his uncle's head. Caleb doesn't seem to care if his nephew pulls the trigger; in fact, he tells Norman to get on with it. Instead, Norman uncuffs Caleb, telling him to run away and never return <i>a la </i>Scar from <i>The Lion King</i>.<br />
<br />
While all this is going on, Romero escapes his transfer to another prison with the classic "I have to pee" scam. He knocks out and cuffs the U.S. Marshal escorting him, then carjacks a customer at the gas station. When that car runs out of gas (?), Romero pushes it down a hill in a wooded area. His attempt to steal a farmer's station wagon is thwarted by the farmer's young, shotgun-toting daughter. Will he survive his wounds?<br />
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Unbeknownst to Norman and Norma, Chick has been secretly recording all the crazy stuff going on. (Last week in the bar, he was scribbling in a notebook). Chick plans on turning Norman's story into a book. While running errands for our young serial killer, he buys a typewriter. You know it's bad when the guy who raped and impregnated his own sister is the most normal person in the house.<br />
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Freed from the basement, Caleb sprints down the deserted road, screaming for help. Chick gets a text from Norman and takes his eyes off the road for a second, only to look up and see Caleb. Chick slams on the brakes, but it's too late. He <i>smashes right into Caleb</i>! Next week, Norman and Chick will have to deal with dumping the body of Norma's brother/baby daddy.<br />
<br />
Even though I haven't seen the previous 4 seasons straight through, I have to say Caleb was an interesting character. His (major) mental issues weren't entirely his fault; he just wanted to be loved and looked for that affection in a <i>very</i> wrong place. Rejected by everyone else, Caleb sought refuge with Norma again, only to find out her son killed her, stuffed her body in a freezer for a while, and then mummified her. The scene where he hallucinates that Norman really <i>is</i> Norma was heartbreaking stuff ("I love you, Norma Louise").<br />
<br />
It takes an exceptionally talented actor to make someone like Caleb even remotely likable. <i>Bates Motel </i>showrunners knew what they were doing when they cast Kenny Johnson. Even with his dark past, Caleb had moments of being charming and almost sweet. Take for example the season premiere. Emma kicked him out, but he still promised to do the dishes after his midnight snack; Caleb even folded the blankets before he left. Nevertheless, you don't forget who Caleb really is or what he's done. I'd put this performance on the same level as Johnny Depp's portrayal of Sweeney Todd.<br />
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RIP Caleb. I hardly knew ya.Shortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-976174241627136657.post-59809047021074913022017-03-01T15:20:00.000-05:002017-08-19T12:47:54.123-04:00Bates Motel: "Dark Paradise"/"The Convergence of the Twain" (Season 5, Episodes 1 & 2)Full disclosure: I have <i>not </i>seen every single episode of this show (not even close). I tried to get into it back in 2013, but was so confused/off-put by Norma still dressing like it's 1955 while Norman has an iPod. The background information I know is cobbled together from the episodes I've watched intermittently and "previously on" segments. Spoiler alerts for this whole thing.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(<a href="http://www.theoriginalsaaf.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/spoiler-alert-dw.jpg">Image credit</a>)</td></tr>
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Season 5 begins on a nice, sunny day. Norman wakes up in Mother's room and goes downstairs to find she's whipped up a lovely breakfast for them. They chitchat about Norman redecorating the motel rooms and such. The scene changes; the kitchen is really an utter disaster and there's no food on the table. It seems that last season ended with Norman murdering Mommy Dearest, taxidermying her corpse, and stuffing it in the basement. In Norman's mind, Norma is merely pretending to be dead and can't leave the house because of that. Norma, of course, is bitter and resentful.<br />
<br />
When Norman goes to the hardware store to buy paint, he's intrigued by the blond female employee who dresses a hell of a lot like Mom. He realizes he has a stranger's wallet and almost uses it to pay. I have more than a slight suspicion he's been murdering the guests. Norman is quick to let everyone in town know he's adjusting to life without Norma quite nicely, thank you very much.<br />
<br />
Norman has taken over the managerial duties of the motel. David Davidson (tell me that's not an alias) tries to rent a room for a few hours. "We're not that kind of establishment," Norman says haughtily. (No, just the kind where the occasional guest is murdered and the manager spies on guests having sex with their mistresses).<br />
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Meanwhile, Norman's older, illegitimate half-brother Dylan has gotten the hell out of White Pine Bay. He lives in Seattle, has a real job (last I saw he was starting his own pot farm), and is married to Emma. I remember her as the cystic fibrosis patient from Season 1 who lost her virginity to Dylan. She's no longer sick and the couple has a baby. Dylan throws a wholesome suburban barbecue to celebrate Emma's birthday.<br />
<br />
An unexpected visitor turns up on their porch: Dylan's uncle/father Caleb (Kenny Johnson), who's flat broke after running into God knows what trouble in Canada. Is it cool if he crashes on their couch for a while? They let him in. Caleb asks to hold his granddaughter/great-niece Katie, revealing that he's done some Facebook-stalking to see her pictures.<br />
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Later that night, Emma wakes up because Caleb is making as much noise as possible while helping himself to half her birthday cake. Caught red-handed, he mumbles an apology; he was just too hungry to sleep. Had it been any other show, Emma might've joined him for a slice.<br />
<br />
Emma owes a debt to Caleb that she can never repay; it seems he spent almost everything he had on a lung transplant that saved Emma's life. This allowed her to become a wife and mother, two things she never thought possible. Caleb is all "aw, shucks, you never need to thank me for that." In almost the same breath, Emma tells Caleb he needs to get the hell out of their house. She knows her husband Dylan is the byproduct of Caleb impregnating his own sister Norma.<br />
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Former sheriff Alex Romero is still in prison on some kind of frame job. He can't wait to get out and seek revenge on Norman.<br />
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The second episode "The Convergence of Twain" cranks the intensity up to 11. Norman is disappointed to learn his hardware store crush Madeline is married. Hoping to ease the hurt, Madeline offers to take Norman on a double date with her friend Joanne. Norman instantly recognizes Madeline's husband Sam as last week's "David Davidson." Sam, a real charmer, threatens to kick Norman's scrawny ass if he tells Madeline about his adultery.<br />
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Norma meddles, confronting her son about Joanne in the restaurant bathroom. She asks if he's gonna be "one of <i>those </i>guys" that dates someone just like his mother. At the end of the date, Norman gives Joanne the brush-off. Mother knows best, after all.<br />
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Oh yeah, Alex picked a fight in prison and purposely lost. He was able to convince the warden it's too dangerous behind bars for an ex-cop, so he'll be getting out soon.<br />
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There's another interesting scene where Norma pouts about not being able to leave the house. To pass the time, she uses language-learning software on Norman's computer to teach herself French. Among useful phrases like "The cherry is red," Norma practices saying, "The traitor was hung." First of all, it's "hanged." Second of all, why is that phrase even in the program?<br />
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Emma and Dylan seem surprised to find neatly folded blankets and a note from Caleb on their couch, even though Emma kicked him out last episode. Caleb drifts back to White Pine Bay to visit Norma. While checking into a different motel, the clerk informs him that Norma committed suicide a while back. Caleb is sure it's impossible; he was just visiting Norma's other son and he didn't mention that.<br />
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Caleb goes to the cemetery, where, sure enough, he finds a headstone with Norma's name on it. There's also an extremely long, flowery epitaph signed "Norman." Caleb falls apart, sobbing and hugging the tombstone. As bizarre and twisted as his relationship with Norma was, I felt really bad for Caleb. He and Norma grew up with crazy, abusive parents; the siblings could only rely on each other. (That in no way excuses what Caleb eventually did). Now rejected by his son and new daughter-in-law, Caleb has nobody to turn to. Whoever you are, that's a sad situation to be in.<br />
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After composing himself, Caleb goes to what I call the Haunted Mansion in search of his other nephew. The pile of dirty dishes in the sink and dust everywhere further convince him that his sister is dead. Curiously, it appears as though somebody is sleeping in Norma's room while Norman's bed is neatly made. Caleb also finds taxidermy books and gets spooked enough to leave.<br />
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Caleb drowns his sorrows at a local bar. Chick, played by fellow <i>Sons of Anarchy</i> alum Ryan Hurst, expresses disgust about Caleb's incestuous relationship with Norma and almost gets strangled for it. Caleb is adamant she wouldn't have committed suicide; he had warned her that Norman might snap. Why, oh why, didn't she listen?<br />
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Loaded up on liquid courage, Caleb takes a taxi back to the motel. He stalks the halls of the old house, screaming for Norman. He makes it to the basement and discovers Norma's body. Stealth mode Norman creeps up behind his uncle, clocks him over the head, and knocks him unconscious. Also, Norman is wearing a blond wig and a particularly hideous dress of Mother's.<br />
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Seeing the first 2 episodes of Season 5 has really made me want to go back and catch up on all the littler details I might be missing. The second episode in particular had a great, old-school horror movie feel to it. I was literally on the edge of my couch, shouting, "No! Don't go in the basement, you idiot!" I think Chick summed up the situation best: "Holy shit."<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.dreadcentral.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/batesmotelposterc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.dreadcentral.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/batesmotelposterc.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(<a href="http://www.dreadcentral.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/batesmotelposterc.jpg">Photo credit</a>)</td></tr>
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Shortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-976174241627136657.post-27503537792345207782017-02-16T02:53:00.001-05:002017-02-16T02:53:08.080-05:00Top 10 Quotes: "Goon"<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.impawards.com/2012/posters/goon_ver5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.impawards.com/2012/posters/goon_ver5.jpg" height="400" width="268" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(<a href="http://www.impawards.com/2012/posters/goon_ver5.jpg">Image credit</a>)</td></tr>
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1. <b>Doug: </b>I think we both have a light in our stomachs. A special light...like E.T. And the team needs somebody to light the way. My stomach light needs your stomach light. We can all phone home together.<br />
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2. <b>Rod: </b><i>(after the singer butchers the national anthem) </i>That was borderline treasonous and a disgrace to our nation and its proud and storied history.<br />
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3. <b>Doug: </b>Where's LaFlamme?<br /><b>Gord: </b>Probably giving a single mother herpes in a parking lot.<br />
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4. <b>Eva: </b>You make me wanna stop sleeping with a bunch of guys.<br />
<b>Doug: </b>That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.<br />
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5. <b>Gord: </b><i>(while drunk) </i>Do you know cats only meow when there are people around?<br />
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6. <b>Ronnie: </b>Tonight--good food, good women, good rest...not necessarily in that order.<br />
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7. <i>(The team is trying to talk Doug into their supposed initiation ritual of getting his penis signed)</i><br />
<b>Oleg: </b>It's not gay.<br />
<b>Evgeni: </b>Not if you're brothers.<br />
<b>Marco: </b>If you're brothers, it's gay with a fucking dash of somethin' else.<br />
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8. <b>Doug: </b>For once in my life, I'm actually a part of something. I get to wear a uniform that doesn't have "security" on it. Kids buy it and they wear it and it's got our name on it. Now for whatever reason, you guys think I'm smart enough to be a doctor or something. I have fist smarts. I can fight. I'm strong and I can protect people. That's who I am. That's what I do. And you should be proud of me.<br />
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9. <b>Ronnie: </b>Funny? As in "ha-ha" funny? Like flushing a $5 million contract up your nose funny? Or funny as in "peculiar," like Doug here?<br />
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10. <b>Marco: </b>Two rules: Don't touch my Percocets. And do you have any fucking Percocets?Shortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-976174241627136657.post-20733227870427263922017-01-24T15:51:00.000-05:002017-08-19T12:29:38.916-04:00Cockfights, Bounty Hunters, and "Two Days of Blood" (The Shield: Season 1, Episode 11)One of my all-time favorite episodes of <i>The Shield</i>.<br />
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<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Previously on: Julien tried to commit suicide by suspect because he's ashamed of being gay. Deputy Chief Gilroy knows Vic killed the Strike Team's rookie Terry Crowley. Vic was investigated for stealing cocaine and Edgar-veda leaked the story to the newspaper. Gilroy told Vic that he can't cover for him anymore.</i><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">A Latino man spits a mouthful of liquor onto rooster's back. Another Latino stands across from him, also holding a rooster. They throw the birds at each other. A guy who looks a lot like Carlos Mencia watches from a corner. A fourth man has a Glock tucked down the front of his pants. The roosters fight to the death. One of the men lifts the victorious bird aloft like so.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 10.4px;">(<a href="http://thatsenuff.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/lionking-300x213.jpg" style="color: #005582; text-decoration: none;">Image credit</a>)</td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">The spectators cheer. The fun evening of animal abuse is brought to a screeching halt by the arrival of the Strike Team. Lem is in full ass-kicking mode: long sleeves, a shotgun, a tactical vest, and a backwards baseball cap with his spiky hair sticking out the front.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Vic scolds the Glock carrier, "Cethru, how many times do I gotta tell you? Firearms and alcohol are a dangerous combination." He looks through a duffel bag of weapons and remarks, "Some of these might actually shoot." "Hey, Vic," Shane tips his head toward where the chickens are being kept.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Lemming is sitting on the ground next to one of the cages, looking sad. "Wishing your cock was that big?" Vic chuckles. Lem shakes his head, "Man, these are beautiful animals. I can't believe they just let 'em rip each other apart like that." Carlos Mencia (screw whatever character this is, he's Carlos) nervously asks where they're taking his birds. "Three little letters: KFC," drawls Shane. Lem gives Carlos a Gibbs-slap for good measure as he's led to a waiting squad car.</span><br />
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<tr><td><a href="https://xrixterweb.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/tumblr_lkdr0omfvq1qf7p0ro1_400.gif" imageanchor="1" style="color: #005582; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" src="https://xrixterweb.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/tumblr_lkdr0omfvq1qf7p0ro1_400.gif" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border-radius: 0px; border: 1px solid rgb(204, 204, 204); box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2) 0px 0px 20px; padding: 8px; position: relative;" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 10.4px;">(<a href="https://xrixterweb.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/tumblr_lkdr0omfvq1qf7p0ro1_400.gif" style="color: #005582; text-decoration: none;">Image credit</a>)</td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Carlos protests that they're his best birds. Besides, he can help the police; Cethru is just a small player in illegal arms dealing and Carlos knows Pazi Aranbula. The name seems to mean something to Vic. Pazi is in town for </span><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Dos Dias de Sangre </i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">(Two Days of Blood), a major summer cockfight. He can get them inside. Vic doesn't think that would work; most of the fighters he's seen are Filipino or Mexican. Carlos gets some of his best fighting birds from rednecks. And we know just where to find one...</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">In front of Tasso's Market, a Latino named Tony gets hit by a speeding blue Mercedes, then dragged behind the car. The car drives away. Tony's friend rushes to his side.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Vic has a file on Pazi, who's wanted by Mexican, federal, state, and local authorities for gunrunning. Lem sees that there's also a 3-million peso bounty on him. At the mention of money, Shane jumps off the clubhouse couch and snatches the file out of his hand. Lem gives him a brief look of </span><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">dude-I-was-trying-to-read-that</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Shane wants to go undercover to find Pazi. Vic jogs his memory about the last time: "</span><a href="http://knock-knock-striketeam.blogspot.com/2016/07/dragonchasers-arent-pokemon-go-team.html" style="background-color: white; color: #005582; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-decoration: none;">You got beaten up by a stripper.</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">" "I was jumped by her thug boyfriend and she was a </span><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">dancer</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">," Shane says irritably, snapping "Shut up" at a laughing Lem.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Enter Gilroy. The rest of the Strike Team takes this as their cue to exit. The deputy chief knows it's been a rough year, but 1 out of 20 years of friendship isn't bad: "With those percentages, I'd still be with my first wife." Vic, unsure where this is going, opines that Gilroy's better off with his current wife Nancy. Gilroy sits down and gets to the real reason he's here to see Vic: "I was in a hit-and-run tonight. I think I killed the guy." He planned on getting out of the car, but the victim's friend shot at him and he got scared.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Vic shrugs that anybody would run from a gun-wielding gangbanger. There are deeper problems than that for Gilroy; he's a 4-time DUI loser and managed to hush it up so he wouldn't get fired. If anyone finds out that he killed someone and ran, nobody will believe he was sober at the time. Vic knows what happens to cops in prison and he can't want that for his old pal Gilroy.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Vic collects Gilroy's keys. He tells Shane to give the Mercedes to the department's best mechanic to fix as a top-secret priority. Lem will drive Gilroy home. Vic will find out who caught the case and run interference.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Dutch reports that the impact dragged Tony 75 feet. "Maybe you should call Guinness," snarks Claudette. Dutch shakes his head; the record is 30+ miles. Witnesses say Tony was a drug dealer who worked a nearby corner. The car was a four-door blue Mercedes; a man was driving and there was "a hot little Latin number in the passenger seat." Dutch doesn't think the a Mercedes owner lives in the neighborhood. Claudette guesses he was in a big hurry to get home.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">In the breakroom, Danny sits on the counter, peeling an orange. She asks if Julien is okay; she understands if he's not ready to tackle the streets again. Julien swears he's fine. "Yeah, well, it's my life too, ya know," Danny points out. Julien is getting counseling from his reverend and his head is in the game.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Vic has just started to find out what Dutch and Claudette know about Tony when Edgar-veda pulls Claudette to work a double homicide in the Grove. The captain is going with her. Vic tells Dutch that Tony was probably a Toro. Dutch describes the car and its attractive passenger; neighbors have seen the same blue Mercedes parked in the area, always at night. Judging from the look on Vic's face, Gilroy's wife is not Hispanic.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Vic fills him in on a Toro ritual known as a "toss-and-shoot," in which a rival gangbanger is thrown in front of a moving car and they shoot off rounds in the area to frighten the driver away. "Maybe the driver killed the guy, didn't wanna get caught," Dutch suggests. Vic offers to help Dutch; the office joke has become "the man" </span><a href="http://knock-knock-striketeam.blogspot.com/2016/07/dragonchasers-arent-pokemon-go-team.html" style="background-color: white; color: #005582; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-decoration: none;">since arresting that serial killer.</a><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Claudette and Edgar-veda arrive in what appears to be a mostly African-American part of town. A crowd of anxious neighbors have gathered outside an apartment building. Claudette asks them to remain patient; someone will give a statement after she determines what's going on. When Claudette walks into the apartment, there's blood on the walls and a dead woman on the floor. "Sweet Jesus, what's burning?" asks Claudette. Danny says, "The garbage disposal. Motor burned out."</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">There's a bloody meat tenderizing mallet on the floor. A second female victim is in the kitchen with her hand halfway down the disposal. Her name is Tanya Kramer; the victim in the living room is her sister, Violet Roosevelt. The neighbors heard the women screaming. Julien tells them that someone downstairs thinks they can identify the killer. Edgar-veda looks eager for the excuse to get out of there.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Karen Mitchell, a black community activist, is also on the sidewalk. She introduces the detectives to Maya, a neighbor who saw the killer. Maya says they should be looking for Wally Forton, a white man who used to date Tanya's daughter. "What happened?" asks Edgar-veda. Maya says testily, "What happened is they called 911 and it took you over an hour to show up." Claudette asks if she's sure.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Maya heard Tanya yelling at Wally. Tanya called 911. Wally left and hung around outside for about 20 minutes, then went back in and killed Tanya and Violet. "An hour. Can that be right?" asks Karen. Edgar-veda will have to review the 911 tapes. He looks horrified, no doubt imagining his political career swirling down the drain. He tries to reassure the neighbors that the department treats all races equally. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Gilroy meets Vic in the clubhouse again. He identifies the mugshot of Jesus Rosales as Tony's friend. Jesus has an open warrant for possession with intent. Vic is sure he can find him. "He got a good look at me. What if he gets picked up and decides that I'm his bargaining chip?" Gilroy asks worriedly. Vic will just offer a better deal.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"So...when were you gonna tell me you were shagging a Latina in the neighborhood?" asks Vic. Gilroy sighs that he doesn't want her to get involved. "She was in the car; she couldn't be more involved," says Vic. Gilroy maintains that he was driving, not Sedona. Vic tells him to send her away somewhere; Dutch is onto the Latina connection. "She's not just some lay. I love her," says Gilroy. Maybe the two of them can double-date with </span><a href="http://knock-knock-striketeam.blogspot.com/2016/07/lem-cant-just-throwaway-this-mistake.html" style="background-color: white; color: #005582; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-decoration: none;">Tigre and Lem</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">A neighbor of Tanya's daughter Melissa says her friend left for the gym 2 hours ago. She was alone. The neighbor hasn't seen Wally for a while, but he was a cutie pie. She used to hear Wally and Melissa having sex. She thought they broke up. Wally came by looking for Melissa and the neighbor told him where Melissa was.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Vic tells Dutch that Tony recently pissed off some Los Mags. Dutch has identified the mystery woman by talking to a local pizza delivery man; he sees the blue Benz parked at Sedona's house a few nights a week. Dutch went to her house, but she wasn't there. A neighbor told Dutch that Sedona had gotten in a cab with a bunch of suitcases. "Who knows if it's even the same Benz?" Vic says, "Maybe she just went on vacation." "Or maybe she and the boyfriend skipped town. Don't worry, I'll get 'em." That's exactly what Vic is afraid of.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Lem and Shane, in matching </span><a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Canadian%20Tuxedo" style="background-color: white; color: #005582; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-decoration: none;">Canadian tuxedos</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">, ask why Carlos is willing to risk his life to beat a misdemeanor cruelty rap. Carlos raises his own roosters and they're like family. Shane outlines the plan: Carlos introduces Pazi to Shane, then Shane offers to trade fighting cocks for guns. "Can I go home?" asks Carlos. Lem puts Carlos on notice that he's more or less on parole until they make a deal with Pazi. Carlos will take the two cops to his house and give them a crash course in cockfighting.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Next time we see the boys, they're down on the farm and it's kind of adorable.</span><br />
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<tr><td><a href="http://img.rp.vhd.me/4569194_l2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #005582; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" src="http://img.rp.vhd.me/4569194_l2.jpg" height="180" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border-radius: 0px; border: 1px solid rgb(204, 204, 204); box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2) 0px 0px 20px; padding: 8px; position: relative;" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 10.4px;">"Howdy, Shane!"<br />
"Shut up, Lem! I'm readin' this here magazine!"<br />
(<a href="http://img.rp.vhd.me/4569194_l2.jpg" style="color: #005582; text-decoration: none;">Photo credit</a>)</td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Carlos' chickens only drink bottled water because "the stuff that comes outta my tap'll kill 'em." He has a Kelso tucked under his arm.</span><br />
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<tr><td><a href="http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/31800000/Dr-Kelso-dr-kelso-31805084-1024-768.png" imageanchor="1" style="color: #005582; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" src="http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/31800000/Dr-Kelso-dr-kelso-31805084-1024-768.png" height="240" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border-radius: 0px; border: 1px solid rgb(204, 204, 204); box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2) 0px 0px 20px; padding: 8px; position: relative;" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 10.4px;">Not that Kelso...<br />
(<a href="http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/31800000/Dr-Kelso-dr-kelso-31805084-1024-768.png" style="color: #005582; text-decoration: none;">Photo credit</a>)</td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Carlos proudly informs them that Kelso is a champion who's never been cut. He points out the other breeds around the yard: Boston Roundheads, Solabina, and a Johnny Jumper he refers to as a "blinker." Lem doesn't quite get it until Carlos makes an eye-gouging gesture. "Oh man, that's sick," Lem groans.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Shane flips through the magazine, asking if chickens really need all these supplements. Lem leans over to pet the Kelso, asking, "What's his name?" Carlos stopped naming them; it hurt too much. "They're all called Nugget," Shane fires back. Lemming isn't amused: "These are innocent creatures." Shane drops the magazine and reaches a tentative hand toward the bird, guessing they're beautiful "in a snack food sorta way." Lem glares. I guarantee he never eats a chicken nugget again.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Vic goes to a vacant lot and arrests Jesus on his open warrant, A girl protests that Jesus didn't do nothing. Another guy tries to block Vic's way to his car. Vic badges him, tells him to back off. The guy thinks that if it was a real arrest, there'd be more than just Vic. This may be California, but Vic embodies the Texas saying "One riot, one Ranger."</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Vic says open warrants arrestees are only held for 12 hours. Jesus' friend decides it's a good time to flash the piece in his waistband. Vic pulls his own gun: "I don't wanna shoot anybody today." Now he sounds like Raylan Givens.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://fierofredo.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/justified-raylan-givens.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://fierofredo.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/justified-raylan-givens.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"You make me pull, I'll put you down."<br />
(<a href="https://fierofredo.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/justified-raylan-givens.jpg">Photo credit</a>)</td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Vic is able to escort Jesus to the car without any further interference.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Claudette reports Wally and Melissa were seen leaving her gym together. She isn't sure if Melissa was going along willingly. Edgar-veda says Karen Mitchell is stopping by and can Claudette get her to back off? Claudette gives him an "It's because I'm black too, isn't it?" look. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Rumor has it Karen Mitchell was handpicked to run for Councilman Morgan's seat, vacant now that he's a senator. This means she's running against the captain in the primary. "You want to catch the killer and cover your ass, but if you can't do both, this </span><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">is </i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">about catching the killer," Claudette says firmly.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Karen wants a progress report. The 911 tapes haven't been delivered yet and they got a report that Melissa is still alive. They're trying to find her. Karen wants to listen to the tapes with them. When Edgar-veda hesitates, she hopes he isn't playing politics. Isn't he always?</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Vic and Gilroy sit down with Jesus. Vic tells him that what happened to Tony was just a nasty accident. Gilroy knows they weren't saints. Vic tries to convince Jesus that he's a good friend to have. Jesus agrees to keep his mouth shut. When he turns around to write down his cell phone number, Gilroy shoots Jesus in the chest.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"What the hell's the matter with you?" Vic demands. Gilroy says they don't have to worry now. Oh yes, I'm sure you can clear up the little misunderstanding about the two dead bodies. Vic repeats, "What did you do?" "Nothing you haven't done."</span><br />
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<tr><td><a href="http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/58/58e22ad2c2958c14323dc9aa2b085fbb6c30d88273bf3d907408731405ff6cb6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #005582; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" src="http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/58/58e22ad2c2958c14323dc9aa2b085fbb6c30d88273bf3d907408731405ff6cb6.jpg" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border-radius: 0px; border: 1px solid rgb(204, 204, 204); box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2) 0px 0px 20px; padding: 8px; position: relative;" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 10.4px;"><br />
(<a href="http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/58/58e22ad2c2958c14323dc9aa2b085fbb6c30d88273bf3d907408731405ff6cb6.jpg" style="color: #005582; text-decoration: none;">Photo credit</a>) </td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Gilroy helped Vic out when he killed Terry; now it's time for Vic to return the favor. He points out: "His buddies saw you take this guy away and now he's dead. I picked you for a reason." He and Vic dump Jesus' body in Los Mags territory to make it look like gang retaliation. Gilroy rather disingenuously apologizes for how this all worked out. Now Vic just has to keep Dutch off the deputy chief's trail. They're still cool, right?</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">At a yard sale, the usual amalgamation of treasures is on display: candlesticks, vases, random mismatched dishes, a light-up plastic Santa. Danny tells the guy running the yard sale that there's been a complaint. It seems he's been burglarizing his neighbors and making them buy their things back. The complainant didn't leave their name because everyone's scared of this guy.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Julien asks, "You got any proof this stuff is yours?" "You got any proof that it ain't?" asks the proprietor. He's just trying to make a few bucks; he even has a permit from the city. "Dookie?" Danny says amusedly when she sees the name on it. Julien asks the crowd if anything for sale belongs to them. "If you speak up, you'll get your stuff back," Danny adds. Nobody opens their mouth.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">In the Strike Team lounge, Shane is holding a rooster on his lap as he talks to Jojo, a heavily tattooed bounty hunter. He's not happy that he'll be doing all the work and only getting 10% of Pazi's bounty. The bounty hunter himself only gets to keep 20%, so it's more than fair.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Lem comes in and Shane introduces him to Jojo the bounty hunter. "Bail enforcement agent," Jojo corrects. Shane asks if Lem wants a piece of Pazi's bounty. "Cops can't collect bounty, dude," Lemming reminds him. Shane has figured out a way around that. Lem adamantly refuses.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Shane puts the rooster down next to its water dish and tells him that his share would be 400,000 pesos, which has to be about 100,000 American dollars. Lem, who's better at exchange rates, says, "Try $50,000." Jojo nods to confirm the math.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Shane insists it's still worth it. Lem asks, "For once, can't we just do what we're supposed to do, then stop?" Jojo has had enough of their bickering; they can beep him when they figure out who's wearing the pants. Oh, 2002. Lem looks insulted. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Jojo adds, "Oh, your cock's out." Both of them automatically look down at their zippers before realizing their feathered friend is indeed making a bid for freedom. I'd love to see a deleted scene of Walton Goggins chasing the chicken around the precinct.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Julien's pastor asks if Julien sees himself as a gay man. Julien doesn't, but he can't control his urges. The pastor thinks he knows someone Julien should meet.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Dutch has researched Gilroy's mistress Sedona. Vic tells him it was a waste of time; some taggers found Jesus' body in a Los Mag neighborhood. Dutch is suspicious that something other than gang involvement is a factor. He continues sharing his research findings. Sedona is listed as the CEO of a corporation based in the Grand Cayman Islands, a corporation that's been buying a lot of real estate, all of it in Farmington. Dutch still wants to talk to the Toros that Jesus ran with.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"And you found all this out since 4:00?" asks Vic. Dutch brags, "Pretty good, huh?" He has a reputation to maintain now, just like Vic. "You're gonna put me right out of a job," Vic says, not kidding at all.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">At the cockfights, Shane looks every bit the part of a redneck: an unbuttoned sleeveless flannel shirt under a denim vest, tight jeans, a big belt buckle, and a trucker cap. Remember when those were the trend? "Go, birdie, go!" Shane cheers, hopping up and down. Shane's rooster is victorious. He hugs Carlos, holds the bird up high, and laughs.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Shane is still laughing when he wanders up to Lem. Predictably, our animal lover is far away from the bloodshed. "What a bad-ass!" crows Shane (pardon the pun). Lem mistakenly thinks Shane saw Pazi. The exchange is too good not to recount:</span><br />
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<b style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Shane: </b><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"No, man, Frank! I mean, he gets in there and it's like he's possessed! It was so goddamn cool! I won 700 bucks!"</span><br />
<b style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Lem: </b><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">(more than a little confused)</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> "You named him?"</span><br />
<b style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Shane: </b><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-weight: bold;">(</i><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">proud as hell)</i><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-weight: bold;"> </i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"Frank. What? It's just a first name."</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Is his last name Van Damme, by any chance? For those playing along at home who haven't watched </span><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Sons of Anarchy</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">, that'll make sense soon. Apparently, Pazi isn't even at the fights. He should be there the next day, though. "You ready for round two, killer?" Shane coos to Frank. Lem is like "Dude, you're sick."</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">On the 911 tape, you can hear one of the Grove homicide victims pleading for help. "At this point, it's been 47 minutes since the initial call," says Claudette. Karen murmurs, "Unbelievable." "You did this, bitch!" a man's voice shouts on the tape. Claudette turns it off, unable to take anymore.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Karen wants to know how this happened. Only two cars were assigned to that block; both were responding to other calls when the 911 tape was recorded. Gilroy explains their new policy of assigning more police cars to more crime-ridden areas, known in the trade as saturation patrol. It can supposedly reduce crime in said area by 65%. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Karen is aghast that they let other areas go unprotected. Gilroy shrugs that today was a statistical anomaly. Karen responds much the way I would: "Tell that to the family of those two dead women." </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Gilroy passes the buck, saying the captain has discretion on which areas receive more police cars. Edgar-veda's face briefly flashes an expression of </span><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">don't-you-dare-bring-me-into-this</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">When Karen is gone, Gilroy asks, "Payback's a bitch, huh?" Saturation patrols have been effect for 6 months and the captain didn't care as long as the extra patrol cars were assigned to Latino neighborhoods. The case is now effectively a racial powderkeg. Edgar-veda has the audacity to say this isn't his mess.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Dutch brings in Jesus' friend, the one who pulled a gun on Vic. Vic flags down Julien and asks for a favor. Julien refuses at first until Vic reminds him just who is keeping the rookie's biggest secret.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Upstairs, Dutch asks, "This guy just walks into the middle of you and your friends, pulls a gun, and walks off with Jesus? Any idea who it is?" Julien opens the door, claiming the captain needs Dutch for something important. Vic goes in to impress upon the kid the dangers of ID'ing him. Dutch comes back in and asks for a description. The kid didn't get a clear look, but the guy was wearing Los Mags colors.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"I told you it was boys in the 'hood," says Vic. Dutch the wannabe profiler noticed that the kid couldn't make eye contact. He must be covering for someone. Even if Vic's gang theory checks out, the guy in the blue Benz still witnessed a murder.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Edgar-veda orders the desk sergeant around: "I don't want anyone to be able to spit in the Grove without hitting a police car. And put the riot squad on tactical alert." Claudette has a location on Melissa. She, the captain, and some guys in tactical gear converge on a cheap motel. Edgar-veda wonders if Melissa was involved in the murders. "Let's just hope she's not halfway down the disposal," says Claudette. Like this place would have them anyway.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Wally brought Melissa and a bottle of champagne to the room 2 hours ago. "To celebrate?" says the captain. Claudette the eternal optimist says, "Or to tenderize." They break down the door and find Melissa and Wally in the aftermath of sex. They yank him, still naked, out of bed. Melissa covers herself with a sheet and asks what he's done. She's horrified when Claudette announces the murder victims' names. "They were just getting between us, sweetie," says Wally coldly.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Edgar-veda is in an especially foul mood at the Barn. Vic asks what happened, as if he doesn't know. Edgar-veda informs him that Gilroy is letting the captain take the heat for diverting police cars from the Grove. He leaves out the racist reason. Vic asks if there would be any incentive for someone to buy property in the Grove. "Crime's up, land's cheap," Edgar-veda replies. He saw Vic talking to Gilroy and wants to know what prompted the inquiry. "Just a stupid idea," says Vic.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">In the pastor's office, a man tells Julien about his own struggles with homosexual feelings. He'd thought he was born gay and cursed God for doing it to him. The pastor tells Julien about a support group that meets at the church, a sexual-reorientation group for men. The other man went to the therapy program. He's now married with a pregnant wife. It will take hard work, but Julien too can go back to being straight. Julien wants to know when he can start.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Day two of the cockfights and Frank is losing. Shane desperately shouts encouragement from the sidelines, but Frank dies in the ring. Shane looks ready to cry. He picks up Frank's limp body and asks, "What the hell happened?" "You lost," says Carlos. Shane is still cradling the dead chicken when Carlos introduces him to Pazi. His heart is no longer in the case. Carlos and Pazi both assure him Frank's death was an honorable one. Carlos tosses the bird into a burn barrel and crosses himself.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Shane asks if Pazi can hook him up with guns. Pazi wants to see more of his birds first. Shane takes Pazi to an old green pickup. The tailgate is down, a few caged roosters in the back. He tells Pazi about the diet he gives the chickens. Pazi asks if there are more. Shane left the rest at the mo-tel, but he has Polaroids in the truck. Then he takes a rag out of his back pocket and presses it over Pazi's face.</span><br />
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<tr><td><a href="http://m.memegen.com/fmzb6c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="color: #005582; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-decoration: none;"><img border="0" src="http://m.memegen.com/fmzb6c.jpg" height="320" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border-radius: 0px; border: 1px solid rgb(204, 204, 204); box-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2) 0px 0px 20px; padding: 8px; position: relative;" width="236" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 10.4px;">(<a href="http://m.memegen.com/fmzb6c.jpg" style="color: #005582; text-decoration: none;">Photo credit</a>)</td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">They struggle. Pazi pushes Shane to the ground and draws a gun. Lem to the rescue! Pazi drops his gun. Shane grabs a handy 2x4 and clocks the arms dealer in the back of the head: "I thought chloroform was supposed to knock him out. Guess this works better." Lem tells Shane he was supposed to wait until Pazi showed him the guns to do that.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Shane knows Pazi's case would drag through American court for years; he'll be "properly hung by his balls" if he goes back to Mexico. Money from the bounty is just a bonus. "Thought we were gonna play this one straight, Shane," says Lem. Shane thought they changed their minds. In a word, no.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">In addition to police, the Grove is now crawling with reporters and news vans. Vic confronts Gilroy with his newfound knowledge about the dummy real estate corporation. He asks if the next phase is sending the Strike Team to clean up the 'hood, then selling the properties for a nice profit. Two women are dead because of this scam, not to mention the escalating racial tension. Gilroy offers to cut Vic in. Vic is tempted; he needs money for Matthew's tuition at Glenridge.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Jojo has shown up to drive Pazi back across the border. "Different kinda cockfighting where you're headed," Shane says cheerily. Lem is still upset about Shane lying. Shane knows Vic would've done the same thing. Besides, they just made $25,000: 10 for Lem, 10 for Shane, and 5 for Vic. "What about Ronnie?" asks Lem. Shane responds, "Screw Ronnie. He's off the clock."</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">If Lem doesn't want his share, why, Vic and Shane could use an extra $2,500 each. Not so fast, pal. Lem snatches up the money and threatens, "Look, you do this to me again, I'm gonna kick your redneck ass!" An idea I fully support. "Don't gimme that look, bro," he adds as they get in the truck. I'm surprised when Shane doesn't retort "Bring it on, bitch" or something similar. It's probably not a good idea for him to be pissing off a guy who looks like he could dead-lift the back of a car.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Julien tells Danny about how he's starting sexual reorientation therapy at church. "God's gonna make you straight?" She's clearly skeptical.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">An elderly woman shouts at Dookie that she wants her microwave back. "Bein' on welfare don't make you special," says Dookie, "You got to pay like err'body else." Julien asks if she has proof the microwave belongs to her. After the last time it was stolen, the woman carved her initials on it: EB for Emily Berry. Dookie tries to claim it stands for "excellent buy."</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Emily Berry indicates a picture frame, also hers. Dookie tells her it </span><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">can</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> be hers for $10. "If that's </span><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">your</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> picture frame, how come that's me and </span><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">my </i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">granddaughter?" asks Emily Berry. Dookie doesn't have an answer for that. This guy is an idiot. Julien arrests Dookie. Danny tells the neighbors to take what belongs to them and go home.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Edgar-veda needs Claudette. The 911 tapes were leaked to the media (probably his doing again) and now there's big trouble in the Grove. He needs her to do the talking: "Coming from you, a plea for peace will sound more--" "Black," she says archly.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Vic asks Lem and Shane about Sedona. She was supposedly hiding in a hotel she and Gilroy liked, but Lem found out she never checked in. Being a glass half full guy, he says, "Maybe he stashed her someplace else." "Or </span><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">slashed </i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">her someplace else," Shane puts in darkly. Lem always thought of Gilroy as a quiet drunk. "It's the quiet ones you gotta worry about," says Shane. My grandma used to say the same thing.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Vic, more to himself than anyone else, mutters that Gilroy is spooked and needs to calm down and see a way out. Vic's phone rings. At home, Corinne drains spaghetti and says it's almost time for dinner. Vic doesn't think he can make it. "But Ben's already here," his wife informs him. Now Vic is the one who's spooked. In the background, Cassidy chirps at the deputy chief, "Come see the bowl I made in art class!"</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Corinne passes the phone to Gilroy. He's all buddy-buddy, but Vic isn't fooled. He, Lem, and Shane head for the precinct parking lot. Vic wants to know why Gilroy is at his house. Gilroy tells him that Tony's case is a dead end. Vic should've left things alone and not gone looking for Sedona. "I'll leave it alone now, Ben," Vic promises, "This is between you and me. You leave my family out of this." When Lem and Shane hear this, they start running for the car.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"You gotta spend more time with your family, Vic." says the deputy chief. With a smile, Corrine says, "You tell him." Gilroy adds, "You'll lose 'em before you know it". Vic tells Gilroy to think about what he's doing. Gilroy hangs up. Vic hops in Shane's truck, Lem already in the backseat. "Sheriffs can get there faster 'n we can," Shane says.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">In the Grove, the protesters are chanting: "911 for no one! Where were the cops?" It's taking everything for a few uniforms to hold back the crowd. Karen knows the situation is serious. In the political tradition of making promises you can't possibly keep, Edgar-veda swears there won't be another problem with slow response times again. Claudette implores for them to keep this peaceful. The crowd is unmoved.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Somewhere in the distance, shots are fired. The neighbors duck and scream. Edgar-veda herds himself, Claudette, and Karen to the nearest building and radios for the riot squad. A man breaks out a patrol car's windows with a baseball bat.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">When Vic gets home, Matthew and Cassidy are in the living room with two sheriffs' deputies. Corinne is at the kitchen table, clearly scared: "What's going on, Vic? They practically broke in!" Gilroy, it seems, already left. Vic tells the deputies he'll take over, then instructs Corinne to pack suitcases for her and the kids. Their house isn't safe, but he can't explain why. He hugs Cassidy.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">The protesters turn over a squad car. Claudette, Edgar-veda, and Karen hear the muffled noise of the continued riot from the basement they've holed up in. Members of the riot squad arrive to escort them to safety behind their shields. The overturned squad car has been set on fire. Edgar-veda is no doubt mentally calculating how much it'll cost to replace. The riot squad leader orders them to pull back. End of episode.</span>Shortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-976174241627136657.post-86044151360236805502017-01-15T03:03:00.003-05:002017-01-15T03:03:57.897-05:00"True Memoirs of an International Assassin"Sam Larson (Kevin James) lives an average life working 9-5 for an insurance company. However, his alter ego Mason Carver AKA the Ghost spends his days taking out high-profile targets. Sam's novel <i>Memoirs of an International Assassin </i>is heavily based on his elderly friend Amos' career with the Mossad. After a lot of rejection letters, Sam finds a company that's willing to publish his book. However, <i>International Assassin</i> is released as nonfiction.<br />
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Sam is kidnapped and finds himself in Venezuela. A rebel group, having read and believed his story, hires him to kill the country's president. Sam is reluctant at first, but is drawn in by the beautiful and mysterious Rosa (Zulay Henao). He accidentally meets with one of the president's top advisers, who gives Sam a contract to assassinate Anton Masovich, a flamboyant Russian drug lord.<br />
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I found Kevin James to be pretty believable as the likable, bumbling writer who's suddenly thrust into real matters of life and death. Rosa grated on my nerves a bit. Kim Coates, Tig of <i>Sons of Anarchy </i>fame, has what amounts to a cameo role as Presidente Cueto. Even though there's a lack of screen time, you never fail to notice his presence. El Presidente also has some of the best one-liners in the movie. <br />
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The plot and writing style is best described as <i>Tropic Thunder </i>goes James Bond (a shorter, somewhat weaker version). But unlike Ben Stiller's character in that movie, Sam is aware that he's not the Ghost and is completely out of his element.<br />
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<i>True Memoirs </i>is only available on Netflix. I recommend it for light viewing, a lot of laughs, and Kim Coates. Music fans might also enjoy trying to pick out what songs have been changed from their original English.Shortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-976174241627136657.post-13578195612957060252016-12-25T00:46:00.001-05:002016-12-25T00:48:35.815-05:00So I Finally Watched "Elf"<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.nerdspan.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/elf-movie-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.nerdspan.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/elf-movie-poster.jpg" height="400" width="268" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(<a href="http://www.nerdspan.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/elf-movie-poster.jpg">Image credit</a>)</td></tr>
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For the last 13 Christmases, I have purposely avoided this movie. I liked Will Ferrell in the Ben Stiller/Owen Wilson version of <i>Starsky and Hutch</i> and that's it. Something about the guy has just always rubbed me the wrong way. I thought I got weird looks when I said I've never watched a single <i>Star Wars </i>movie all the way through; that's nothing compared to how people reacted when I admitted to never seeing a single moment of <i>Elf. </i>I went into this review with gritted teeth and low expectations.</div>
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The premise is simple: While Santa is delivering gifts to the residents of an orphanage, a baby stows away in the bag of toys. The baby ends up at the North Pole, where Papa Elf (Bob Newhart) volunteers to raise him. Buddy (Will Ferrell) grows up making toys and apprenticing Papa as a sleigh mechanic. It only takes 30+ years for Buddy to realize he's much bigger than the elves. Papa tells Buddy the truth about being adopted. Buddy's birth father Walter (James Caan) lives in New York City and Buddy sets off to meet him.</div>
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Walter doesn't know what to make of Buddy at first. In fact, he has no idea that a child other than his preteen son Michael even exists. In college, Walter was involved with a fellow student named Susan; she became pregnant, didn't tell Walter, and gave their baby up for adoption. </div>
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For his part, Buddy has wacky misunderstandings about human culture and has a meet-cute with Jovie (Zooey Deschanel), a department store elf.</div>
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Is <i>Elf </i>as good as other Christmas family comedies such as <i>Home Alone</i> or <i>Jingle All the Way? </i>No. Is it worth seeing? Yes. It's pure fluff and Christmas magic all the way through. I especially enjoyed all the references to the 1964 classic <i>Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer</i> in the opening scenes. Jovie and Buddy are a cute couple. It was interesting to see Sonny Corleone's adopted child on the other side of the adoption scenario.</div>
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While I smiled and laughed a lot, this scene is probably my favorite:</div>
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Merry Christmas to all!</div>
Shortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-976174241627136657.post-35489506263425891102016-11-17T22:53:00.004-05:002016-11-17T22:53:53.660-05:00Guest Review: "Road House"<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/67/Road-house-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/67/Road-house-poster.jpg" width="270" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/67/Road-house-poster.jpg">(Image credit) </a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Lots of bare butts and
violence, but the eye candy is unrivaled. Just Patrick Swayze, but he is
enough. Patrick makes the whole movie run smoothly and seem realistic. By the
time they got to the tai chi part, I was ready to sign up for a class.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">The rich guy Brad Westley, his sycophantic nephew Jimmy,
and their henchmen made a hobby out of extortion just because they were bored.
An old guy named Red lost his home and auto parts store because he refused to
pay the protection money. Brad and Jimmy just happened to not like him because
his niece was the fair Elizabeth, Jimmy's former girlfriend. E</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">lizabeth left him
to become a doctor, then moved back to town to keep an eye on her elderly uncle
as well as practice medicine.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">The other bouncers didn't really want to do their jobs.
They were afraid of the rowdy men and unwilling to get the skanky chicks to stop
their dirty dancing. The bartender padded his paycheck through theft and wasn't
happy about being caught; he resented being called a thief, even though he was
one.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Patrick Swayze made handling that '65 Buick Riviera look
like race car driving. In this movie, I noticed he had a bit of an Elvis
complex. He gave Emmett his Mercedes to cover the rent. He had a power mullet
and butt-kicking boots, though not as fancy as the guy who had razors embedded
in the toes of his.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">The romance between Elizabeth and Patrick's character
Dalton was speeding along like a bullet train, but got derailed when Dalton
ripped out Jimmy's windpipe with his bare hands in front of her. Jimmy had made
homosexual advances on Dalton like those he'd made in prison. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">What other movie could score with
bad dancing, bad singing, and a no-good bartender, wait staff, and bouncers?</span>Shortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-976174241627136657.post-38881900184741559592016-10-28T22:26:00.000-04:002017-08-19T12:30:53.694-04:00Some "Old Haunts in the New Age" (21 Jump Street: Season 4, Episode 6)<em>To kick off Halloween weekend, here's a recap of a spooky <u>21 Jump Street</u> episode.</em><br />
<em></em><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;">An average-looking husband, wife, and preteen son watch TV with their faithful pet Golden Retriever. A shrill, Chipmunk-like voice can be heard either from the TV or down the hall saying, "Hellllppp meeeeee." In a bedroom, a teenage girl is studying at her desk listening to a song with lyrics about sleeping with fire. There's some kind of aromatherapy candle burning nearby. Its presence is distracting the girl/freaking her out as she scribbles. She gets up and blows out the candle.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Later, someone pours gasoline over a wooden sign and lights a match. Before the sign is engulfed in flames, we see it reads: TAFT HIGH SCHOOL. ANNUAL COSTUME DANCE OCTOBER 31, 8 P.M. HAVE A HAPPY HALLOWEEN. The same teenage girl wakes up when she hears fire truck sirens passing by her window. We see that she sketched the burning sign on a piece of paper in her binder. Theme song.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">At Taft the next morning, a science class watches a film about metamorphosis. The girl who dreamed about the burning sign isn't concentrating very well and neither is Doug; he's doodling some kind of battle scene with tanks and paratroopers. Tom is asleep on his desk nearby. The girl doesn't seem to be in conscious control of her pencil as she draws some kind of building. "There's death in the chapel," she says out loud before getting up. Tom and Doug exchange 'what was that about?' looks.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">In the Chapel, Blowfish is on a ladder mounting what look like old organ pipes on the walls. Tom and Doug, working on a project of their own, ask Harry to bring them a hammer. Judy is carving a pumpkin. Doug looks at a newspaper ad and asks if anyone wants to go to the grand opening of a store called Crazy Teddy's. "That store is way the hell out in Fairmount," says Harry. Doug says, "I know, but they have really good car stereos for $50." Dougie, you ride a motorcycle. He adds that there will also be fireworks, hot dogs, and a clown named Sprinkles. Tom puts on a childish voice and says, "Sprinkles? Really?"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Cap'n Rufus tells Tom that his latest report doesn't have anything new in it, except for the arsonist's favorite brand of lighter fluid. Judy thinks it's somebody with a grudge against Taft High. "Who doesn't have a grudge against their school?" asks Doug. Me, for one. The sign out front was the 4th fire in 3 weeks. "We need to catch this guy before he burns down the whole place," says Rufus. An arsonist targeting a school dance? Gee, this show's never <a href="http://jumpstreetchapel.blogspot.com/2012/10/case-16-worst-night-of-your-life.html">used <em><strong>that</strong></em> plot before</a>...</span><strong> </strong><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;">Doug reports, "There was something strange. There's death in the chapel." Blowfish immediately climbs down from the ladder. "What did she mean?" Judy asks. Doug says, "She meant death, like end of life." Blowfish looks a little disturbed, "So it doesn't necessarily mean one of you guys?" Cap'n Rufus asks if Tom is sure his cover is intact. Tom thinks those symbols could mean anything. "There's something weird and it don't look good," says Doug.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Suddenly, 3 guys wearing Ghostbusters style jumpsuits walk in. They tell Cap'n Rufus they were contracted by the EPA to check for waste dumped by a chemical plant. The younger cops exchange looks. Fuller doesn't know anything about it. "It happened 15 years ago," explains a guy whose name patch says Spengler. Judy asks if the waste will have any effect on them. Spengler ignores her. "Beams on," he tells the other two guys, flipping a switch on a device strapped to his back. "There <em><strong>is</strong></em> death in the Chapel," Doug repeats.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">That night, the music from the attempted drowning scene in <em><u>The Outsiders</u></em> plays as an old yellow pickup passes a road sign. It tells us we're 15 miles from Fairmount. Doug is driving it. His radio flickers a few times, then goes dead. He checks the newspaper on the seat next to him, presumably looking for Crazy Teddy's address. Eerie lights and fog swirl around the truck. Doug doubles over with headache, hitting his forehead on the steering wheel. The radio starts again. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">In the Taft cafeteria, Tom asks Doug if he really thinks he was abducted. Doug describes what he saw as "long and thick in the middle. It had rounded edges, it looked like a hot dog. No, it was fatter than that. It looked like a knockwurst." He woke up at 2:00 in the morning on the side of the road. "I'm checkin' myself for puncture wounds 'cause I think they got me with their surgical tools." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Tom repeats the last two words with a mouthful. Doug tells him it's standard with abductions and he could write a bestseller about his experience. He adds, "I don't know how they did it, but I think they moved my navel." That area isn't generally where they do their probing... "How could they do such a thing?" Doug asks. Tom replies, "It's a mystery." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">They sit down. Across the way, the girl from earlier is staring at the back of her empty, flattened-out lunch bag. She crumples it up and tosses it away. Tom fishes it out of the trash can. If you squint, the picture on the bag almost looks like a truck. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">At night, the unseen arsonist torches an old car. Cut to just after the fire department finishes putting it out. The car appears to have been parked outside Taft's auto shop. We see the arsonist's dirty white Chuck Taylors in the crowd. Maybe Ponyboy lost it after Johnny and Dally's deaths?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Doug doesn't think they have a chance of catching the arsonist unless they can find out what his next target is. Tom shows him the lunch bag drawing, which matches certain details of the incident. The artist finally has a name: Dory. Doug thinks she's psychic. Tom thinks it's more likely she's the arsonist.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">At the Chapel, they show the drawing to Judy. "Didn't [Dory] predict death in the Chapel?" asks Harry, "Even we didn't know about the toxic waste." Doug declares Dory's 2-for-2. "1-for-2," Blowfish corrects. He has a report showing there was no toxic waste under the building. "Even still, there's been some pretty weird stuff goin' on," says Doug. Judy and Harry agree in unison, "Very weird." Then, "We said that. At the same time. Whoa."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Tom leaves with Blowfish to look for more organ pipes. The janitor pulls up a section of floor in the basement. He hasn't seen it yet, but we can see there's a skeletal hand stuck to the underside of the flooring. Tom hears something fall and asks what it was. Blowfish tells him to check down the hole. "Any pipes?" he asks. No, but there is a whole skeleton. Blowfish looks in the hole. "Tom, I think I gotta sit down," he says before passing out. Tom mutters, "Yikes."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Later, the gang gathers in the basement. Cap'n Rufus surmises that the corpse was not put there recently, due to the pine box and old clothes. He's sure they can get to the bottom of why it's there and tells Blowfish to put the floorboards back. "I ain't goin' near that damn thing," says Blowfish, "I opened up a curse." Harry wonders how they're supposed to investigate a spirit. "Call Shirley MacLaine?" Judy suggests. Tom tells Doug that they'll catch the arsonist by taking night shifts at the school; he'll take the first one. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Tom patrols the Taft courtyard, which is decorated like a cemetery for Halloween. Someone walks past. Tom starts to follow. He and Dora run into each other and scream like in the old Scooby-Doo cartoons. Dory runs away. A small fire has started by a Dumpster or something, which Tom manages to put out with a nearby hose. By the time he finishes, Dory is gone.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">In the Chapel, Judy, Doug, Harry, and Blowfish are sitting around a Ouija board. "We would like to speak to the person buried beneath the Chapel," says Judy, "Are you here?" "Is there a curse on Blowfish?" asks the janitor. Judy tells him they have to ask one question at a time. Doug has a question of his own, "Are you a spirit from another planet?" </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Judy requests that the spirit speak to them. The board flips back and forth between the letters Y and A. "<em>Ya, ya</em>," Doug says, "Are you Swedish?" Judy asks for the spirit's name. The board spells out YATES. Fuller asks what they're doing. "We're communicating with the beyond, Captain," Doug explains. Harry adds, "The skeleton in the basement is named Yates." </span><span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Judy asks if Yates was murdered. The board points to YES. Before they can find out more, Fuller tells them to get back to work.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">At Taft, Doug and Tom talk to Dory, who's helping set up decorations for the Halloween dance. She says the thing about the Chapel "came totally out of left field." Tom asks why she was there the night before. "I'm not the one who's been torching this place, so just leave me alone," says Dora. Doug asks if the lunch bag drawing was a premonition. Dora gets defensive: "I'm not a freak." </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">"We each have these...these feelings about each other," Dory starts. When Tom and Doug look at each other, she snaps, "Grow up. Not in a horny way. Senses, suspicions." Tom thinks Dory did the drawings because she knows the guy who's been starting the fires. Dory doesn't know, not exactly: "I don't wanna sound like some actress on a talk show, but I feel energies. Images, I guess. I don't know what they are at first. But then they happen."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">They may know Dory's secret, but she also knows theirs. She promises not to tell anyone; she wants the arsonist caught. She doesn't like the visions, but she can't control them. "I think I know a way we can both help each other," says Doug. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">At night, Dory, Tom, and Doug sit on the hood of Doug's pickup near where he was supposedly abducted by aliens. Dory doesn't feel anything except cold. Doug asks his partner, "Didn't you ever feel anything you couldn't explain?" Tom once thought the bowler on the lane next to him was Elvis because the guy put butter on a sandwich and scratched himself a lot.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">"Don't encourage him, he doesn't understand," says Doug. Dory doesn't understand either and doesn't think she wants to. When she was young, she had visions of an important man being hit with a hammer. Reagan was shot the following week and reported that being shot felt like getting hit with a hammer. That scared Dory and she tried to shut out her powers.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Tom asks, "If this thing is your gift or whatever, why do you want to shut it out?" "Why do you question being an officer?" Dory fires back. Doug hears something and declares, "This is it. They're here." He waves his arms toward the sky and calls, "Hey! We mean you no harm!" The spaceship is really a blimp with lights that spell out FOLLOW ME TO CRAZY TEDDY'S. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">"Aliens travel 6 light years to get a good deal on a car stereo. Believe or not," Tom says in a spooky stage-whisper. Doug feels stupid and knows he'll never live this down. "You're psychic!" Tom cries. Dory starts having one of her visions. She sees a wooden field, darkness, long wooden planks at an angle. "Bleachers?" Tom guesses. Dory adds that they're on fire. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">The three of them pile in the truck and head back to town. A police car pulls them over near Taft High, where the bleachers are intact. "All right, guys, where's the fire?" asks the officer. Ha ha ha...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Harry tells Judy and Blowfish that he went through the town's death records. 4 people named Yates have died under mysterious circumstances: a husband-and-wife murder/suicide, a poisoning, and the fourth was a summer camp counselor named Lawrence Yates. Counselor Yates was also a child molester obsessed with his dead mother. He escaped from a mental institution and went on a crime spree that ended when he was hanged by a lynch mob. Nobody knows where his body ended up.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">We hear Cap'n Rufus laughing loudly. He asks Doug, "You still believe in that psychic crap?" "You're the type who doesn't think there's anything 'out there' when he's standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon," says Doug. Rufus chuckles, "And you're the type that thinks aliens are piloting blimps to Crazy Teddy's Car Stereos." Rufus adds that he can be spiritual. Dory will be a suspect until she sees the arsonist without help from "the other world." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Cap'n Rufus comes out of his office with his coat and umbrella. Nobody responds when he says good night. In words that ironic considering the role this actor had on <em><u>Supernatural,</u></em> Cap'n Rufus declares he has no patience for hysteria: "I don't care if it's Halloween. I don't care if the dead are walking the earth. No more antics in this chapel. No more Ouija boards, palm reading, tarot cards, healing crystals...no hocus pocus." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Nobody listens to Rufus. When Tom comes downstairs from the locker room, there's an old man at the head of the table, making some alarming grunting sounds. He's wearing an odd necklace that may be made from animal teeth. Tom remarks, "I looked that way once after an especially gnarly chili dog." Harry shushes him, saying the man has to concentrate on raising the spirit. Thunder crashes outside.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">"He's trying to find Yates so we can communicate with him." Harry adds. They apparently paid this guy $75 for this act. "Good morrow, being of light," says the psychic in a British accent, "I am Zombo, lord of the blue ray, primary energy in the kingdom of Atlantis. My friends, what is your quest?" Judy puts on her own British accent: "We wish to transverse with the being called Yates." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Zombo agrees to grant Judy's request. He hums and grunts some more. He tells them they must learn to speak in tones to communicate with another realm: "Put your hands over your aural canals. Let your voice create tones. Yates will come to you." Everyone except Tom does. Zombo asks which Yates they're looking for. "The one we disturbed beneath the Chapel," says Judy. Zombo waves his arm around his head: "There's a pain...in this area." As in from the hanging. </span><span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Tom starts making odd yipping sounds. "I can't believe it," says Zombo. Tom says, "Neither can I. Now give 'em back their money."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">At Taft High, someone in the science lab lights a candle and leaves the Bunsen burner on. The next day, a class watches a film on llamas. Dory sketches the science lab and gets up to leave the room without even asking for a hall pass. She splashes cold water on her face in the girls' bathroom and takes deep breaths, trying to calm herself. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Tom and Doug go looking for Dory. In the process, they find the candle set up in the science lab. Tom turns off the gas and Doug opens the window. Tom bags the candle as evidence. They pass Dory in the hall. "The candle in that bag, it's his, isn't it?" she asks. Tom tells her it's his lunch. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Back at the Chapel, Doug is frustrated. The fingerprints on the candle don't match any known arsonists. Tom reminds him they still have a main suspect: Dory. He tells Doug he's sick of all the psychic garbage. I'm getting pretty sick of it myself since Dory has no other character traits. He wants Doug to go to her with the candle, but not the candle that's in evidence, as a test. Get her to touch it and see if her prints match.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Dory holds the candle. She describes the arsonist as a Taft student with brown hair who's sad and hates the fires. If he hates fires, why set them for kicks? Dory explains, "When he does, he feels control over others." She's not seeing a name or a face, just "fires, running devils, deformed faces. He's there. You're there." </span><span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Suddenly, Dory screams and drops the candle. She doesn't want to continue. Doug asks, "What'd you see?" "You...dead," says Dory. Doug looks worried.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Tom gets a call from the crime lab; Dory's fingerprints don't match the ones on the arsonist's candle. "Oh no, I'm dead," Doug mutters, standing up. Tom asks where he's going. "I'm gonna go put my things in order," says Doug. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Tom finds Dory wandering around the Taft High gym, which is decorated for the dance. "The bleachers, a wooden field," she says. She doesn't blame Tom for not believing her. Tom asks how she saw Doug die. Dory thinks the arsonist will strike that night; the devils burning must be kids in costume. I knew that the first time she said it. She saw Doug burned badly, wrapped in a black coat or cape. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">In front of the Chapel's new pipe organ, Blowfish puts the finishing touches on his Phantom of the Opera costume. He starts to play a fast tune. Harry appears dressed as Elvis and asks if everyone else is gone. Judy comes down from the locker room in a skintight red devil bodysuit. "I always knew it," says Harry before singing a few bars of "You're the Devil In Disguise." Judy pokes him with her pitchfork. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Tom's costume is Travis Bickle from <i><u>Taxi Driver</u></i>. He does a truly horrendous impression of Robert DeNiro. Doug slides down the firepole in a Dracula costume replete with makeup, fangs, and a cape. Harry asks if he's Bela Lugosi Dracula or Christopher Lee Dracula. Neither, the big guy is Count Chocula. Tom tells Doug to put on a different costume. </span><span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Rufus enters, accompanied by a priest. In the spirit of the occasion, the captain is wearing a sequined matador's outfit. "I got some news you won't wanna hear," he says, "Since it's Halloween, I thought it might be appropriate." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">The priest introduces himself as Father Alex. He tells them that a house was located about 40 yards west of the Chapel over 100 years ago. A Protestant minister and his wife built it as a stop on the Underground Railroad. The house mysteriously caught fire in 1888, killing the minister. The community wanted to build a church in his honor. The minister's wife donated the land and had her husband buried below the chapel "to be the church's spiritual foundation." Maybe I've seen too many episodes of <u style="font-style: italic;">Deadly Women,</u> but that story makes me wonder where she was the night the house burned down.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">The young officers look appropriately spooked. Minister or not, there was still a dead guy in the basement. "I believe the curse has been lifted," says Cap'n Rufus. The minster's name was apparently Jacob Gwynn. "Then who's Yates?" asks Harry. My question exactly. </span><span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Tom tries to convince Doug not to go to the dance by telling him about Dory's freaky psychic vision of death. Doug decides to wear the Count Chocula getup anyway.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">In the Taft High gym, the students are dancing to "The Monster Mash." Harry patrols the outside with a flashlight. He wields it like a microphone and practices some Elvis gyrations. Back inside, Doug snaps at Tom to stop quoting <i><u>Taxi Driver</u></i>. Dory joins them dressed as Merlin. I guess a gypsy fortune teller would've been too on-the-nose. She tells Doug he shouldn't be there. Doug tells her, "I wasn't put on this earth to be taken out in a Prince of Darkness costume." Actually, the Prince of Darkness would be Satan or Ozzy Osbourne, depending on who you ask. He leaves to take a look around.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">"You told him?" Dory asks. Tom reassures her that the big fella can take care of himself. One of the jack-o-lanterns has burned out. Dory asks for a lighter; Tom has a match. They look inside. "Somebody stole the candle," says Dory. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Someone breaks into a nearby janitor's closet and soaks packages of toilet paper with gasoline. The arsonist has jammed a tin can in the doorway so they won't get locked in. Doug comes out of the gym and sees the closet door open a crack. Doug enters the closet and the door shuts behind him. At that precise moment, the arsonist, dressed like a vampire, drops the lit candle on the toilet paper. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Doug calls for help, rattling the door. It takes the kids in the gym a while to notice the smoke filtering toward them. When the alarm is raised, Fuller and Tom spring into action. The captain orders Tom to grab the fire extinguisher and the students to evacuate.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Tom runs down the hall and hears Doug inside the closet. Tom breaks down the door. (One of the absolute worst things you can do during a fire is feed it oxygen. His buddy DeNiro's character from <i><u>Backdraft</u></i> can tell you all about that). Doug stumbles out unscathed. The other vampire's cape is burning. Tom sprays the kid with the fire extinguisher and covers him with his jacket.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">"Doug," gasps Dory as she passes the scene. Tom assures her it's not and that the guy isn't dead. Cap'n Rufus puts out the fire in the closet. Doug is coughing. The other vampire is whimpering in pain. "Hey, it's that dork Allen," says a boy. Dory shouts, "Leave him alone!" She kneels next to Allen and holds his hand.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">Outside the gym, Dory tells Doug that she's never been so relieved to be wrong. "Don't jinx me, I'm still in the costume," he says. Dory feels sorry for Allen; she could see in his eyes that he couldn't keep himself from setting fires. Tom saw it too. Doug asks Dory if she thinks the visions will stop now that this is over. "What am I, a fortune teller?" she asks nastily.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "courier new"; font-size: large;">In the Chapel basement, Blowfish paints an epitaph on the floor: 1888, JACOB GWYNN, A SEED. Blowfish goes back upstairs. A faint glow seems to appear from between the cracks in the floorboards. End of episode.</span>Shortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-976174241627136657.post-76595895900717945572016-10-04T15:33:00.001-04:002016-10-04T15:33:06.131-04:00Scarefest 2016This weekend, I took my cousins to a local horror/paranormal convention. The main attraction for us was celebrity guest Steven Williams, best known to us as Rufus from <i>Supernatural </i>and Mr. X from <i>The X-Files. </i>He's also known to me as Captain Fuller from <i>21 Jump Street</i>.<br />
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Unlike the last convention we attended, there were no lines whatsoever at the celebrities' booths. When I approached Steven's booth, I accidentally approached the wrong person about paying for autographs and photos. She told me to go to the other end of the table. As my cousin and I started in that direction, Steven called out, "Don't you send my people away!"<br />
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Steven was a very, warm funny guy. I told him I've seen every episode of <i>21 Jump Street</i> and that my all-time favorite line of his was: "You're an undercover cop, Doug. You <i>learn </i>to puke!" He chuckled and even said the end of the line with me. Steven looked at me curiously and asked, "Where did you see episodes of <i>21 Jump Street</i>? You don't look old enough." I told him Hulu and he seemed confused. I'm sure he later asked someone what it is.<br />
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Getting my 5'0" self in a picture with Steven's 6'2" frame was an interesting challenge. The rest of the convention wasn't of interest to us, but meeting Steven was well worth the price of admission.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's not Halloween night, but I've already run into the Sanderson sisters.</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUS5fbU0q-hx0ud9F-YuGkAb-kMkwD6EOwjcyViW9mXO1MlWX0tDTKxH2MRxqEYimF8Xle4LCWLB7xf-nNfBP7COh3klaRFjNpgY1mXj4XftuqShYBnRCI-H9BO5W_oc8ZH9KkQuA0HKQ/s1600/IMG_1685.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUS5fbU0q-hx0ud9F-YuGkAb-kMkwD6EOwjcyViW9mXO1MlWX0tDTKxH2MRxqEYimF8Xle4LCWLB7xf-nNfBP7COh3klaRFjNpgY1mXj4XftuqShYBnRCI-H9BO5W_oc8ZH9KkQuA0HKQ/s400/IMG_1685.JPG" width="300" /></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jurassic Park Jeep!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Family don't end with blood."-Bobby Singer</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Steven selfie!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Road tripping with my cousin Michelle and our old pal Scoob!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jinkies! Did somebody say "mystery"? </td></tr>
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<br />Shortstackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09854767043692417764noreply@blogger.com0