Sirens: "There's No 'I' in Cream"

A lot has happened in the weeks since I first blogged about the high jinks of Eminent Ambulance Company. Johnny still isn't back together with Theresa (at least not officially), but he has reconnected with his estranged father (played by Rescue Me alum Lenny Clarke). Hank attended the wedding of an ex who cheated on him. Brian has tried unsuccessfully to start up a workplace romance with Voodoo; she claims to be uninterested in him because she's asexual, which is a welcome relief from the lesbian trope. Middle-aged veteran paramedic Cash has hooked up with Hank's mom.

Tonight's episode is one of the strongest I've seen in the series' short first season. It opens in the Eminent Ambulance garage with the whole crew addressing what appears to be a group of EMT students. At one point, Voodoo provides a Tommy Gavin-esque rundown of horrors they may encounter on the job. Their talk to the newbies is intercut with footage of a shift they all recently worked.

That day starts off with Johnny bringing in a dozen Bavarian cream doughnuts to share with everyone. He steps out of the kitchen for a couple of minutes and comes back to find them all gone. Johnny is a little pissed off about spending $40 on the doughnuts and not getting to enjoy them. None of his coworkers own up to eating more than one. I wondered if Johnny would turn investigator like Abby did when her cupcake went missing. 

As usual, Ambulance 14 is staffed by Johnny, Hank, and Brian; Ambulance 1's crew consists of Stats, Voodoo, and the normally-averse to fieldwork Cash. 14 responds to an apartment where an old lady thought she was experiencing a phantom smell, which can be a symptom of a stroke. It turns out that the poor old dear really is smelling toast that she burned and forgot about.

There's all the usual banter like Hank poking the bear by asking Johnny to name his top 3 doughnuts. Suddenly, a call comes over the radio that instantly changes the entire mood of the show: There's been a drive-by gang shooting with multiple bystander injuries. Ambulances 14 and 1 respond and find that there are 11 victims in total. Cash likens the chaos to his days as a medic during the Vietnam War. Hank, Johnny, and Brian whisk away a young boy named Mikey (maybe 8 or 9 years old) who's been shot in the stomach.

Johnny drives while Brian and Hank take care of the little boy in the back. In an effort to keep their young patient calm, Johnny calls over his shoulder to Mikey, asking him to name his top 3 superheroes. Johnny's personal favorite is Batman because "Superman flies around in his underwear." Mikey's top 3, starting from the bottom, are Iron Man (good choice, kid), Batman, and Jay-Z. Why is a rapper a superhero? In Mikey's words, "'Cause he's married to Beyonce." The guys chuckle at this.

At the hospital, the 14 crew runs into Stats, Voodoo, and Cash, who've just finished dropping off their patient. They happily announce that Mikey is expected to live; Ambulance 1 got the same prognosis for the mother they brought in. However, Cash has some bad news too; 4 of the shooting victims were D.O.A. This episode is the first of the series to mix the comedy with an honest-to-God tragedy and it does it well, even in the abbreviated format of a half-hour sitcom.

As a whole, the show itself is still nothing spectacular, but not a bad way to kill time on a Thursday night. Each episode brings a new set of bizarre emergencies; its one-liners are often based around a theme. For example, in last week's episode, they learned that Hank is terrified of spiders and discussed their respective fears. (Johnny is only "afraid of the big things: terrorism, cancer, Ben Affleck being a terrible Batman"). The characters are likable enough, though my personal favorite is still Brian the adorable dumbass rookie with a heart of gold. The show doesn't have much time left to get its legs under it; next week's episode is the season finale. Hoping they can bring in a good closer.

Party Up (Llama Style)

This llama may be on a farm, but he's still living the thug life

Sirens: "Pilot" and "A B... Named Karma"

Denis Leary has done many things pretty well: stand-up comedy, acting, writing, and producing. His series about the FDNY, Rescue Me, ranks high on my list of all-time favorite TV shows; it was brilliantly acted, raunchy, genuinely moving, and funny as hell. (Except for the entirety of Season 4, which I like to pretend never happened). When I heard he was helming a new project called Sirens, I expected nothing less than a wild, wacky journey into the equally wild and wacky world of EMS. Last week's 2-episode premiere left me sadly underwhelmed.

I was surprised to see that it was not set in New York City like Leary's previous shows The Job and Rescue Me and expected perhaps Boston since Leary is a Massachusetts native. Sirens takes place in the largest city in Illinois. Perhaps to avoid lawsuits and/or fan confusion from the Chicago Fire camp, the EMTs of Sirens are employed by a private ambulance service (like Nicolas Cage in Bringing Out the Dead).

The three main characters are perpetually horny and commitment-phobic Johnny, a gay black paramedic named Hank, and new kid on the block Brian. Almost immediately, a classic Leary show plotline unfolds: Johnny is still smitten with his police officer ex Theresa and is scheming of a way to get her back. There's none of the delicious and sometimes downright cruel animosity that existed between Tommy and Janet Gavin, Rescue Me's main couple in the same situation. Theresa and Johnny seem less like a couple on the rocks who still have passionate love and hate for each other than two people who never really had any chemistry in the first place. It's hard to put into words, but there's just something genuinely unlikable about Theresa's character (even though Johnny is far from a prince).

This awful story does lead to a funny moment in the pilot. Johnny and the crew are at a bar having drinks after work when Johnny decides to spy on Theresa's date that night. He and Hank pile into an inebriated Brian's Subaru station wagon; Brian insists on joining them and there's some funny banter back and forth.

A second classic Leary subplot worked much better, at least for me: The crew's rookie is incredibly stupid, but also kindhearted and ridiculously good-looking. Rescue Me's version of this character was Mike "Probie" Silletti, played with nuance and style by Michael Lombardi. Sirens gives us Brian Czyk, played by babyfaced Kevin Bigley. Like Mike, Bryan still lives at home, though, as Brian points out, "They live upstairs, I live downstairs. Whole separate floor." He's especially adorable in the bar scene as he says that whiskey makes him "wanna dance...naked." When Johnny and Hank take his car later, Bryan rides in the backseat sans clothing.

"A B... Named Karma", the second episode of the series, introduces us to the station's two female medics: a blond nicknamed Voodoo for her love of blood and guts and a redhead nicknamed Stats for her encyclopedic knowledge of all things medical. Johnny and Hank have free tickets to a Bears game, but their supervisor has volunteered them to teach a CPR class to a group of kids in a local park. The guys drag Brian along and try to speed through the lesson to get to the stadium, but they keep getting stopped by constant questions from the kids. One of my favorite parts of this exchange is a kid who asks "Why didn't you save Michael Jackson?" One of the medics replies "Because he lived in California." Johnny has to rely on the tiresome Theresa for help when one of their students decides to steal the ambulance.

While Sirens had its moments, I can't help but feel like something's missing. I think it would've been smarter on Denis Leary's part to get the show on FX, where you can get away with a lot more than you can on USA, home of the perpetual NCIS/SVU marathons. Maybe I'm comparing it too much to its predecessor. In absolute honesty, I'll still probably tune in at 10 PM tomorrow night because I've fallen in love with Brian. He is, as my sorority sisters would say, just precious.

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Happy Hooligans (NSFW Language)

I was reading a Cracked article about crazy sports traditions, including the chants faced by anyone who steps into University of Michigan's ice rink. If people think Michigan hockey fans are bad, they should take a trip down south for one of my university's home hockey games. Our fans may not know much about the sport in general, but we (myself included) are vicious.

Games are at midnight (read: basically everyone shows up drunk). The rink is small so you're right on top of the opposing players, which is intimidating as hell to them. Once they get over that, the fun begins. They drop the gloves and take cheap shots. They get pissed because even when their team is pounding us into the ground, they cannot shut us up. Our fans will scream themselves hoarse until the game is over.

I grew up in a hockey loving household, raised from birth as a New Jersey Devils fan. I learned the basic strategies of the sport watching the NHL and a now-defunct minor league team. I fell in love with the beauty, the brutality, and the traditions. When I got to college, I became friends with half the club hockey roster through classes and other student organizations. Going to our games is the best form of therapy/stress relief I've ever found. It's amazing how much better I feel after sitting with my friends and screaming profanities for 2-3 hours.

I'm part of a large group of fans known on campus as the Hockey Hooligans. We all sit together at games, get rowdy, and lead the crowd in chants. Favorites include: "Fucked your mom!", "bitch! bitch! bitch!," "you can't do that" on penalty calls, and "Hey, (insert opponent's name/number), why don't you (insert sex act here)?" Then there's the chant directed at the opposing goalie when we score:

(To the tune of "Rock and Roll: Part 2")
HEY! YOU SUCK!
HEY! YOU SUCK!
HEY! YOU SUCK!
WE'RE GONNA BEAT THE FUCK OUTTA YOU!
E! K! U!

But before you think we're a bunch of uncouth, bloodthirsty rednecks, watch this video of our much tamer (but just as fun) game night tradition that accompanies the arrival of the Zamboni.

"The War At Home"

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When it comes to movies about the Vietnam War, Charlie and Martin Sheen got the action; Emilio got the aftermath. This was truly Emilio Estevez's most powerful performance since his portrayal of Billy the Kid in the Young Guns movies. The War At Home takes place in small-town Texas in 1972. Emilio plays Jeremy Collier, a young Army soldier who's just returned from two tours of duty. He was decorated in combat and received one of his medals for killing a Vietnamese sniper.

For the most part, it's a very serious, sometimes dark, drama, but it has a hilarious opening scene: Jeremy has come downstairs to eat breakfast and his mom is talking about the family's plans for Thanksgiving. She says she wishes it was a more religious holiday, the way it was with the Pilgrims. Jeremy asks, “What about the Indians?” His mom, Maureen, laughs and says there were no Indians at the first Thanksgiving. Jeremy patiently explains to her that Indians are the reason we have Thanksgiving in the first place. Maureen insists that this must have been after the Indians were Christianized. She reworks history a lot and Jeremy knows it’s useless to argue with her, so he gives up on trying to tell her she’s wrong.

Jeremy didn't have a job or any money saved up before he went to Vietnam, so when he was discharged, he had no choice but to go live at his parents’ house. He doesn’t get along with his family very well anymore because he feels like they don’t understand him. Maureen treats him likes he’s eight years old. His dad, Bob feels that Jeremy needs to get over what happened in the war and get on with his life. His attitude is a bit contradictory, as Bob himself served toward the end of WWII. Jeremy’s little sister Karen turned into a hippie while he was gone. She makes no bones about the fact she thinks he’s a killer, yet she still tries to pretend that she’s concerned about Jeremy’s problems, even attempting to psychoanalyze him.    

Jeremy is using his GI Loan money to take music classes at community college. While in class one day, he sees Melissa, the girlfriend he left behind when he joined the Army. They talk after class and go out to get some coffee. Melissa tells Jeremy how much she missed him and that she saved all his letters. In the same breath, she blurts out that she’s living with another man now. She never officially broke up with Jeremy, so he is understandably hurt.

As if Jeremy didn’t have enough problems already, his parents announce that Bob’s sister, brother-in-law, their son, and their son's wife are coming over for Thanksgiving dinner. Jeremy’s cousin David literally dodged a bullet because his number mysteriously never came up in the draft card lottery. He's a few semesters away from a college degree and already married. David feels very smug about the fact that it was Jeremy who had to go to Vietnam and not him. 

During the beginning of the movie, Maureen expresses some worries about Jeremy.  He’s been screaming in his sleep, and when he finally falls asleep, she thinks he wakes up too late. He’s grouchy and he has no appetite. Bob doesn’t think it’s anything to worry about; he says Jeremy will get over it if they give him time. By the end of Thanksgiving Day, Bob wishes that he’d paid more attention to Maureen’s motherly intuition.   

The War At Home is very suspenseful. Even when normal household stuff is going on, the tension never leaves; Jeremy's become so unpredictable that you never know what is going to happen next. The casting is superb. Kathy Bates is perfect as the well-meaning but sort of confused, overbearing mother. Of course, you cannot go wrong with Martin Sheen as Bob. The father/son moments would not have been as believable if any other actor had played this role. This movie shows that Emilio is not only a versatile actor, but a solid writer and director as well. It’s an enthralling and heartbreaking emotional study of what war can do to an otherwise happy family. 

Guest Review: "Never Forget"

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Frank, played by Lou Diamond Phillips, awakens in the woods, dangling from a rope by one leg. He also has some sort of bleeding head injury. Alone in the woods, he manages to sever the fraying rope that is holding him captive, but he was hanging in the air from a tree limb about 15 feet up. Thankfully, it is fall so there is a mattress of dried leaves to keep him from breaking his neck. He starts yelling to see if anyone is around.

Eventually, his wife Natasha's coworker Andy comes along in his office attire. Frank doesn't remember who he is and he needs help. Andy isn't there to help; Andy is angry and Andy has a gun. He starts yelling, "Where is she?" and pushing Frank.

All Frank has been able to discover is that he's holding a bloody knife with the name Tom Martin on it; he found his driver's license in his wallet and knows his name is Frank Hill. He's having flashbacks of shooting and blood back at a cabin. Andy keeps yelling at Frank that he murdered people and that he has done something with Andy's wife Natasha.

Frank and Andy stumble around the woods for hours. Frank's hurt leg is slowing him down. Andy's dress clothing is slowing him down. They finally find a half-dead park ranger. The name plate on his jacket matches the name on the knife Frank is carrying. The man's throat is slit and he is spurting blood. Andy keeps telling Frank, "You did this."

Since no medical help is available, Frank begs Andy to shoot the ranger to help him die. Andy starts looking really uncomfortable. We learn there are no bullets in the gun. Having been terrorized with that gun for hours, Frank snaps and kills Andy. He backs him against a weathered barn and slits his throat. An arterial spatter extravaganza follows and then Frank walks away from the scene. The viewer is left wondering whether Frank or Andy did the killings at the cabin and stabbed the ranger.

Andy wasn't dressed for a vacation in the woods and had a car one would not take camping. Andy had no wedding ring and couldn't find his way through the woods, though he claimed to have been there before; he also had the gun. Andy kept telling Frank, "You did this" when referring to the murders at the cabin and the death of the park ranger.

Frank had a wedding ring and pictures of his wife Natasha in his wallet. His leg was injured. The only weapon he had was Tom Martin's knife, which was probably planted on him. Frank, even with his amnesia, had an easier time finding his way through the woods. He later remembered that Andy had been stalking Natasha at work.

In the end, Andy is a much more likely suspect. He eventually drove Frank to murder him. I think Andy did all the killings at the cabin because he couldn't have Natasha for himself and was jealous because Frank did. He wanted to ruin Frank's life and possibly send him to prison by manipulating Frank's fragile memory until Frank thought he was responsible for the string of murders.

Fire Safety Day

Submitted this to another website and publishing it here in case it doesn't make the cut. I don't usually publish personal stuff on here, but I'm making an exception.

For the past 3 months, I've been a member of one of my county's volunteer fire departments. I'm one of 2 female firefighters at our station. Last week was the annual Fire Safety Day our department puts on to teach kids the basics (when to call 911, stop drop and roll, don't play with matches, etc). We took a crew to the elementary school in our district (preK-5) for the whole school day, talking to each grade individually.

As the least senior person on crew that day, I was content with my role of passing out plastic fire helmets and goodie bags to the students. The last group before lunch was arriving when a captain pulled me and another firefighter aside. He let us know that we would be taking over instructor duty after lunch.

We ate in the school cafeteria with the kids. (Don't even get me started on how nasty the government-mandated healthy lunches are). Eating with the kids was kind of fun anyway just seeing their reaction to these big firemen crammed into seats at the little tables. We returned to the gym to set up for the next lesson.

As the kids filed in, I asked my partner, "Who's taking lead on this?" I'm still a probie (rookie, for those that don't know) and my partner has about 6 months of seniority on me. Imagine my surprise when he shrugged and answered, "It's all you." Fortunately, I was not born with the gene that makes one fear public speaking. I knew more or less what I had to say from watching the earlier lessons. I spent 2 summers working at a day camp when I was in high school, so I have experience wrangling kids. However, I was still slightly apprehensive about how this would turn out.

These were first-graders. (Second-graders had been a horror show behavior-wise, to the point where the teachers told them the kindergartners probably behaved better. Sadly, the teachers were right). As a general rule, I anticipate more problems the younger the wee ones are. Another reason is I admit to being impatient. There's a reason I didn't major in education; I would've lost my mind and quit long before it was time for student teaching.

I stepped up in front of the 40-some-odd first-graders and warmly introduced myself. I told them in friendly but no uncertain terms that my partner and I were teaching them about something important; they needed to pay real attention to what we had to say. Then I was off and running. My partner jumped in on certain topics and acted as a safety net when I was unsure of what issue to cover next. The first-graders blew me away with how attentive and polite they were during the presentation.

At the end of my talk, I called for questions. A shy little girl raised her hand and said, "Can I hug you, Miss Firefighter?" The question was unexpected, but for me, there was only one answer: "Of course you can." That set off a chain reaction of wide grins and excited squirming. And that's how my 5-foot-nothing self got tackle-hugged by every kid who walked by me on their way out of the gym. They barely even noticed the goodie bags their teachers were carrying because they were so focused on me.

By the end of the day, I was more comfortable with teaching. I took the time to talk to a preschool girl who was terrified to the point of tears by how the firefighters looked in full gear. I told her that firemen had scared me too when I was her age. But if there's a fire or emergency, she shouldn't be scared of us because we're her friends and want to help her. She gave me a weak, watery smile and I think she understood.

Spending the day with those kids warmed the depths of my snarky little heart. I sincerely hope and pray that my brothers and I won't be showing up at their front door anytime soon.