Posting this in honor of the sequel's release. NSFW language ahead. As always, let me know if I missed any in the comments.
1. Captain Dickson: Hey, hey! Stop fuckin' wit' Korean Jesus! He ain't got time for yo' problems! He's busy...with Korean shit.
2. Jenko: I really thought this job would have more explosions and car chases and less homeless people doo-dooing everywhere.
3. Schmidt (as a bearded, long-haired One-Percenter jumps up and down on their car): It's ZZ Top! It's ZZ Top!
4. Tom Hanson: Do you have any idea how hard it is to infiltrate a gang like this? You see this nose? This is a fake nose. You wanna wear a fake nose on your fuckin' head for months on end? Glue and shit?
Schmidt: There are worse things in the world.
Tom Hanson: We had to get fuckin' tattoos on our dicks, man!
Doug Penhall: Actually, I just said that to mess with you.
5. Jenko: Forget those identities, they're bullshit. It says I was held back a year.
Schmidt: You were. You were held back 2 years.
Jenko: Just because it's a fake backstory doesn't mean it doesn't hurt my feelings.
6. Schmidt: Do you still not know the Miranda Rights? Dude, you're a cop.
Jenko: Come on, man. You know they always cut away on TV before they finish 'em.
7. Principal Dadier: Guys, I'm gonna relate to you, okay? A kid died the other day from drugs and nobody, including me, is doing anything about it. That's weird, guys. And then you two show up with 30 days left causing trouble in my school. I am one more gay black kid getting punched in the face away from a nervous breakdown.
8. (The nerds are trying to bug Eric's phone at the party and are also drunk for the first time)
Zack: Can we get some bitches up in here? 'Cause it's just boys right now.
Jenko (stunned/confused): No, you can't get any bitches up here!
9. Jenko: Chemistry's the one with the shapes and shit, right?
10. Schmidt (after Jenko gets shot): You took a bullet for me, man.
Jenko: Yeah, I'm feelin' a little ambivalent about that right now.