Thursday, February 16, 2017

Top 10 Quotes: "Goon"

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1. Doug: I think we both have a light in our stomachs. A special E.T. And the team needs somebody to light the way. My stomach light needs your stomach light. We can all phone home together.

2. Rod: (after the singer butchers the national anthem) That was borderline treasonous and a disgrace to our nation and its proud and storied history.

3. Doug: Where's LaFlamme?
Gord: Probably giving a single mother herpes in a parking lot.

4. Eva: You make me wanna stop sleeping with a bunch of guys.
Doug: That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

5. Gord: (while drunk) Do you know cats only meow when there are people around?

6. Ronnie: Tonight--good food, good women, good rest...not necessarily in that order.

7. (The team is trying to talk Doug into their supposed initiation ritual of getting his penis signed)
Oleg: It's not gay.
Evgeni: Not if you're brothers.
Marco: If you're brothers, it's gay with a fucking dash of somethin' else.

8. Doug: For once in my life, I'm actually a part of something. I get to wear a uniform that doesn't have "security" on it. Kids buy it and they wear it and it's got our name on it. Now for whatever reason, you guys think I'm smart enough to be a doctor or something. I have fist smarts. I can fight. I'm strong and I can protect people. That's who I am. That's what I do. And you should be proud of me.

9. Ronnie: Funny? As in "ha-ha" funny? Like flushing a $5 million contract up your nose funny? Or funny as in "peculiar," like Doug here?

10. Marco: Two rules: Don't touch my Percocets. And do you have any fucking Percocets?

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Cockfights, Bounty Hunters, and "Two Days of Blood"

One of my all-time favorite episodes of The Shield.

Previously on: Julien tried to commit suicide by suspect because he's ashamed of being gay. Deputy Chief Gilroy knows Vic killed the Strike Team's rookie Terry Crowley. Vic was investigated for stealing cocaine and Edgar-veda leaked the story to the newspaper. Gilroy told Vic that he can't cover for him anymore.

A Latino man spits a mouthful of liquor onto rooster's back. Another Latino stands across from him, also holding a rooster. They throw the birds at each other. A guy who looks a lot like Carlos Mencia watches from a corner. A fourth man has a Glock tucked down the front of his pants. The roosters fight to the death. One of the men lifts the victorious bird aloft like so.

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The spectators cheer. The fun evening of animal abuse is brought to a screeching halt by the arrival of the Strike Team. Lem is in full ass-kicking mode: long sleeves, a shotgun, a tactical vest, and a backwards baseball cap with his spiky hair sticking out the front.

Vic scolds the Glock carrier, "Cethru, how many times do I gotta tell you? Firearms and alcohol are a dangerous combination." He looks through a duffel bag of weapons and remarks, "Some of these might actually shoot." "Hey, Vic," Shane tips his head toward where the chickens are being kept.

Lemming is sitting on the ground next to one of the cages, looking sad. "Wishing your cock was that big?" Vic chuckles. Lem shakes his head, "Man, these are beautiful animals. I can't believe they just let 'em rip each other apart like that." Carlos Mencia (screw whatever character this is, he's Carlos) nervously asks where they're taking his birds. "Three little letters: KFC," drawls Shane. Lem gives Carlos a Gibbs-slap for good measure as he's led to a waiting squad car.

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Carlos protests that they're his best birds. Besides, he can help the police; Cethru is just a small player in illegal arms dealing and Carlos knows Pazi Aranbula. The name seems to mean something to Vic. Pazi is in town for Dos Dias de Sangre (Two Days of Blood), a major summer cockfight. He can get them inside. Vic doesn't think that would work; most of the fighters he's seen are Filipino or Mexican. Carlos gets some of his best fighting birds from rednecks. And we know just where to find one...

In front of Tasso's Market, a Latino named Tony gets hit by a speeding blue Mercedes, then dragged behind the car. The car drives away. Tony's friend rushes to his side.

Vic has a file on Pazi, who's wanted by Mexican, federal, state, and local authorities for gunrunning. Lem sees that there's also a 3-million peso bounty on him. At the mention of money, Shane jumps off the clubhouse couch and snatches the file out of his hand. Lem gives him a brief look of dude-I-was-trying-to-read-that

Shane wants to go undercover to find Pazi. Vic jogs his memory about the last time: "You got beaten up by a stripper." "I was jumped by her thug boyfriend and she was a dancer," Shane says irritably, snapping "Shut up" at a laughing Lem.

Enter Gilroy. The rest of the Strike Team takes this as their cue to exit. The deputy chief knows it's been a rough year, but 1 out of 20 years of friendship isn't bad: "With those percentages, I'd still be with my first wife." Vic, unsure where this is going, opines that Gilroy's better off with his current wife Nancy. Gilroy sits down and gets to the real reason he's here to see Vic: "I was in a hit-and-run tonight. I think I killed the guy." He planned on getting out of the car, but the victim's friend shot at him and he got scared.

Vic shrugs that anybody would run from a gun-wielding gangbanger. There are deeper problems than that for Gilroy; he's a 4-time DUI loser and managed to hush it up so he wouldn't get fired. If anyone finds out that he killed someone and ran, nobody will believe he was sober at the time. Vic knows what happens to cops in prison and he can't want that for his old pal Gilroy.

Vic collects Gilroy's keys. He tells Shane to give the Mercedes to the department's best mechanic to fix as a top-secret priority. Lem will drive Gilroy home. Vic will find out who caught the case and run interference.

Dutch reports that the impact dragged Tony 75 feet. "Maybe you should call Guinness," snarks Claudette. Dutch shakes his head; the record is 30+ miles. Witnesses say Tony was a drug dealer who worked a nearby corner. The car was a four-door blue Mercedes; a man was driving and there was "a hot little Latin number in the passenger seat." Dutch doesn't think the a Mercedes owner lives in the neighborhood. Claudette guesses he was in a big hurry to get home.

In the breakroom, Danny sits on the counter, peeling an orange. She asks if Julien is okay; she understands if he's not ready to tackle the streets again. Julien swears he's fine. "Yeah, well, it's my life too, ya know," Danny points out. Julien is getting counseling from his reverend and his head is in the game.

Vic has just started to find out what Dutch and Claudette know about Tony when Edgar-veda pulls Claudette to work a double homicide in the Grove. The captain is going with her. Vic tells Dutch that Tony was probably a Toro. Dutch describes the car and its attractive passenger; neighbors have seen the same blue Mercedes parked in the area, always at night. Judging from the look on Vic's face, Gilroy's wife is not Hispanic.

Vic fills him in on a Toro ritual known as a "toss-and-shoot," in which a rival gangbanger is thrown in front of a moving car and they shoot off rounds in the area to frighten the driver away. "Maybe the driver killed the guy, didn't wanna get caught," Dutch suggests. Vic offers to help Dutch; the office joke has become "the man" since arresting that serial killer.

Claudette and Edgar-veda arrive in what appears to be a mostly African-American part of town. A crowd of anxious neighbors have gathered outside an apartment building. Claudette asks them to remain patient; someone will give a statement after she determines what's going on. When Claudette walks into the apartment, there's blood on the walls and a dead woman on the floor. "Sweet Jesus, what's burning?" asks Claudette. Danny says, "The garbage disposal. Motor burned out."

There's a bloody meat tenderizing mallet on the floor. A second female victim is in the kitchen with her hand halfway down the disposal. Her name is Tanya Kramer; the victim in the living room is her sister, Violet Roosevelt. The neighbors heard the women screaming. Julien tells them that someone downstairs thinks they can identify the killer. Edgar-veda looks eager for the excuse to get out of there.

Karen Mitchell, a black community activist, is also on the sidewalk. She introduces the detectives to Maya, a neighbor who saw the killer. Maya says they should be looking for Wally Forton, a white man who used to date Tanya's daughter. "What happened?" asks Edgar-veda. Maya says testily, "What happened is they called 911 and it took you over an hour to show up." Claudette asks if she's sure.

Maya heard Tanya yelling at Wally. Tanya called 911. Wally left and hung around outside for about 20 minutes, then went back in and killed Tanya and Violet. "An hour. Can that be right?" asks Karen. Edgar-veda will have to review the 911 tapes. He looks horrified, no doubt imagining his political career swirling down the drain. He tries to reassure the neighbors that the department treats all races equally. 

Gilroy meets Vic in the clubhouse again. He identifies the mugshot of Jesus Rosales as Tony's friend. Jesus has an open warrant for possession with intent. Vic is sure he can find him. "He got a good look at me. What if he gets picked up and decides that I'm his bargaining chip?" Gilroy asks worriedly. Vic will just offer a better deal.

"So...when were you gonna tell me you were shagging a Latina in the neighborhood?" asks Vic. Gilroy sighs that he doesn't want her to get involved. "She was in the car; she couldn't be more involved," says Vic. Gilroy maintains that he was driving, not Sedona. Vic tells him to send her away somewhere; Dutch is onto the Latina connection. "She's not just some lay. I love her," says Gilroy. Maybe the two of them can double-date with Tigre and Lem.

A neighbor of Tanya's daughter Melissa says her friend left for the gym 2 hours ago. She was alone. The neighbor hasn't seen Wally for a while, but he was a cutie pie. She used to hear Wally and Melissa having sex. She thought they broke up. Wally came by looking for Melissa and the neighbor told him where Melissa was.

Vic tells Dutch that Tony recently pissed off some Los Mags. Dutch has identified the mystery woman by talking to a local pizza delivery man; he sees the blue Benz parked at Sedona's house a few nights a week. Dutch went to her house, but she wasn't there. A neighbor told Dutch that Sedona had gotten in a cab with a bunch of suitcases. "Who knows if it's even the same Benz?" Vic says, "Maybe she just went on vacation." "Or maybe she and the boyfriend skipped town. Don't worry, I'll get 'em." That's exactly what Vic is afraid of.

Lem and Shane, in matching Canadian tuxedos, ask why Carlos is willing to risk his life to beat a misdemeanor cruelty rap. Carlos raises his own roosters and they're like family. Shane outlines the plan: Carlos introduces Pazi to Shane, then Shane offers to trade fighting cocks for guns. "Can I go home?" asks Carlos. Lem puts Carlos on notice that he's more or less on parole until they make a deal with Pazi. Carlos will take the two cops to his house and give them a crash course in cockfighting.

Next time we see the boys, they're down on the farm and it's kind of adorable.

"Howdy, Shane!"
"Shut up, Lem! I'm readin' this here magazine!"
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Carlos' chickens only drink bottled water because "the stuff that comes outta my tap'll kill 'em." He has a Kelso tucked under his arm.

Not that Kelso...
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Carlos proudly informs them that Kelso is a champion who's never been cut. He points out the other breeds around the yard: Boston Roundheads, Solabina, and a Johnny Jumper he refers to as a "blinker." Lem doesn't quite get it until Carlos makes an eye-gouging gesture. "Oh man, that's sick," Lem groans.

Shane flips through the magazine, asking if chickens really need all these supplements. Lem leans over to pet the Kelso, asking, "What's his name?" Carlos stopped naming them; it hurt too much. "They're all called Nugget," Shane fires back. Lemming isn't amused: "These are innocent creatures." Shane drops the magazine and reaches a tentative hand toward the bird, guessing they're beautiful "in a snack food sorta way." Lem glares. I guarantee he never eats a chicken nugget again.

Vic goes to a vacant lot and arrests Jesus on his open warrant, A girl protests that Jesus didn't do nothing. Another guy tries to block Vic's way to his car. Vic badges him, tells him to back off. The guy thinks that if it was a real arrest, there'd be more than just Vic. This may be California, but Vic embodies the Texas saying "One riot, one Ranger."

Vic says open warrants arrestees are only held for 12 hours. Jesus' friend decides it's a good time to flash the piece in his waistband. Vic pulls his own gun: "I don't wanna shoot anybody today." Now he sounds like Raylan Givens.

"You make me pull, I'll put you down."
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Vic is able to escort Jesus to the car without any further interference.

Claudette reports Wally and Melissa were seen leaving her gym together. She isn't sure if Melissa was going along willingly. Edgar-veda says Karen Mitchell is stopping by and can Claudette get her to back off? Claudette gives him an "It's because I'm black too, isn't it?" look. 

Rumor has it Karen Mitchell was handpicked to run for Councilman Morgan's seat, vacant now that he's a senator. This means she's running against the captain in the primary. "You want to catch the killer and cover your ass, but if you can't do both, this is about catching the killer," Claudette says firmly.

Karen wants a progress report. The 911 tapes haven't been delivered yet and they got a report that Melissa is still alive. They're trying to find her. Karen wants to listen to the tapes with them. When Edgar-veda hesitates, she hopes he isn't playing politics. Isn't he always?

Vic and Gilroy sit down with Jesus. Vic tells him that what happened to Tony was just a nasty accident. Gilroy knows they weren't saints. Vic tries to convince Jesus that he's a good friend to have. Jesus agrees to keep his mouth shut. When he turns around to write down his cell phone number, Gilroy shoots Jesus in the chest.

"What the hell's the matter with you?" Vic demands. Gilroy says they don't have to worry now. Oh yes, I'm sure you can clear up the little misunderstanding about the two dead bodies. Vic repeats, "What did you do?" "Nothing you haven't done."

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Gilroy helped Vic out when he killed Terry; now it's time for Vic to return the favor. He points out: "His buddies saw you take this guy away and now he's dead. I picked you for a reason." He and Vic dump Jesus' body in Los Mags territory to make it look like gang retaliation. Gilroy rather disingenuously apologizes for how this all worked out. Now Vic just has to keep Dutch off the deputy chief's trail. They're still cool, right?

At a yard sale, the usual amalgamation of treasures is on display: candlesticks, vases, random mismatched dishes, a light-up plastic Santa. Danny tells the guy running the yard sale that there's been a complaint. It seems he's been burglarizing his neighbors and making them buy their things back. The complainant didn't leave their name because everyone's scared of this guy.

Julien asks, "You got any proof this stuff is yours?" "You got any proof that it ain't?" asks the proprietor. He's just trying to make a few bucks; he even has a permit from the city. "Dookie?" Danny says amusedly when she sees the name on it. Julien asks the crowd if anything for sale belongs to them. "If you speak up, you'll get your stuff back," Danny adds. Nobody opens their mouth.

In the Strike Team lounge, Shane is holding a rooster on his lap as he talks to Jojo, a heavily tattooed bounty hunter. He's not happy that he'll be doing all the work and only getting 10% of Pazi's bounty. The bounty hunter himself only gets to keep 20%, so it's more than fair.

Lem comes in and Shane introduces him to Jojo the bounty hunter. "Bail enforcement agent," Jojo corrects. Shane asks if Lem wants a piece of Pazi's bounty. "Cops can't collect bounty, dude," Lemming reminds him. Shane has figured out a way around that. Lem adamantly refuses.

Shane puts the rooster down next to its water dish and tells him that his share would be 400,000 pesos, which has to be about 100,000 American dollars. Lem, who's better at exchange rates, says, "Try $50,000." Jojo nods to confirm the math.

Shane insists it's still worth it. Lem asks, "For once, can't we just do what we're supposed to do, then stop?" Jojo has had enough of their bickering; they can beep him when they figure out who's wearing the pants. Oh, 2002. Lem looks insulted. 

Jojo adds, "Oh, your cock's out." Both of them automatically look down at their zippers before realizing their feathered friend is indeed making a bid for freedom. I'd love to see a deleted scene of Walton Goggins chasing the chicken around the precinct.

Julien's pastor asks if Julien sees himself as a gay man. Julien doesn't, but he can't control his urges. The pastor thinks he knows someone Julien should meet.

Dutch has researched Gilroy's mistress Sedona. Vic tells him it was a waste of time; some taggers found Jesus' body in a Los Mag neighborhood. Dutch is suspicious that something other than gang involvement is a factor. He continues sharing his research findings. Sedona is listed as the CEO of a corporation based in the Grand Cayman Islands, a corporation that's been buying a lot of real estate, all of it in Farmington. Dutch still wants to talk to the Toros that Jesus ran with.

"And you found all this out since 4:00?" asks Vic. Dutch brags, "Pretty good, huh?" He has a reputation to maintain now, just like Vic. "You're gonna put me right out of a job," Vic says, not kidding at all.

At the cockfights, Shane looks every bit the part of a redneck: an unbuttoned sleeveless flannel shirt under a denim vest, tight jeans, a big belt buckle, and a trucker cap. Remember when those were the trend? "Go, birdie, go!" Shane cheers, hopping up and down. Shane's rooster is victorious. He hugs Carlos, holds the bird up high, and laughs.

Shane is still laughing when he wanders up to Lem. Predictably, our animal lover is far away from the bloodshed. "What a bad-ass!" crows Shane (pardon the pun). Lem mistakenly thinks Shane saw Pazi. The exchange is too good not to recount:

Shane: "No, man, Frank! I mean, he gets in there and it's like he's possessed! It was so goddamn cool! I won 700 bucks!"
Lem: (more than a little confused) "You named him?"
Shane: (proud as hell) "Frank. What? It's just a first name."

Is his last name Van Damme, by any chance? For those playing along at home who haven't watched Sons of Anarchy, that'll make sense soon. Apparently, Pazi isn't even at the fights. He should be there the next day, though. "You ready for round two, killer?" Shane coos to Frank. Lem is like "Dude, you're sick."

On the 911 tape, you can hear one of the Grove homicide victims pleading for help. "At this point, it's been 47 minutes since the initial call," says Claudette. Karen murmurs, "Unbelievable." "You did this, bitch!" a man's voice shouts on the tape. Claudette turns it off, unable to take anymore.

Karen wants to know how this happened. Only two cars were assigned to that block; both were responding to other calls when the 911 tape was recorded. Gilroy explains their new policy of assigning more police cars to more crime-ridden areas, known in the trade as saturation patrol. It can supposedly reduce crime in said area by 65%. 

Karen is aghast that they let other areas go unprotected. Gilroy shrugs that today was a statistical anomaly. Karen responds much the way I would: "Tell that to the family of those two dead women." Gilroy passes the buck, saying the captain has discretion on which areas receive more police cars. Edgar-veda's face briefly flashes an expression of don't-you-dare-bring-me-into-this

When Karen is gone, Gilroy asks, "Payback's a bitch, huh?" Saturation patrols have been effect for 6 months and the captain didn't care as long as the extra patrol cars were assigned to Latino neighborhoods. The case is now effectively a racial powderkeg. Edgar-veda has the audacity to say this isn't his mess.

Dutch brings in Jesus' friend, the one who pulled a gun on Vic. Vic flags down Julien and asks for a favor. Julien refuses at first until Vic reminds him just who is keeping the rookie's biggest secret.

Upstairs, Dutch asks, "This guy just walks into the middle of you and your friends, pulls a gun, and walks off with Jesus? Any idea who it is?" Julien opens the door, claiming the captain needs Dutch for something important. Vic goes in to impress upon the kid the dangers of ID'ing him. Dutch comes back in and asks for a description. The kid didn't get a clear look, but the guy was wearing Los Mags colors.

"I told you it was boys in the 'hood," says Vic. Dutch the wannabe profiler noticed that the kid couldn't make eye contact. He must be covering for someone. Even if Vic's gang theory checks out, the guy in the blue Benz still witnessed a murder.

Edgar-veda orders the desk sergeant around: "I don't want anyone to be able to spit in the Grove without hitting a police car. And put the riot squad on tactical alert." Claudette has a location on Melissa. She, the captain, and some guys in tactical gear converge on a cheap motel. Edgar-veda wonders if Melissa was involved in the murders. "Let's just hope she's not halfway down the disposal," says Claudette. Like this place would have them anyway.

Wally brought Melissa and a bottle of champagne to the room 2 hours ago. "To celebrate?" says the captain. Claudette the eternal optimist says, "Or to tenderize." They break down the door and find Melissa and Wally in the aftermath of sex. They yank him, still naked, out of bed. Melissa covers herself with a sheet and asks what he's done. She's horrified when Claudette announces the murder victims' names. "They were just getting between us, sweetie," says Wally coldly.

Edgar-veda is in an especially foul mood at the Barn. Vic asks what happened, as if he doesn't know. Edgar-veda informs him that Gilroy is letting the captain take the heat for diverting police cars from the Grove. He leaves out the racist reason. Vic asks if there would be any incentive for someone to buy property in the Grove. "Crime's up, land's cheap," Edgar-veda replies. He saw Vic talking to Gilroy and wants to know what prompted the inquiry. "Just a stupid idea," says Vic.

In the pastor's office, a man tells Julien about his own struggles with homosexual feelings. He'd thought he was born gay and cursed God for doing it to him. The pastor tells Julien about a support group that meets at the church, a sexual-reorientation group for men. The other man went to the therapy program. He's now married with a pregnant wife. It will take hard work, but Julien too can go back to being straight. Julien wants to know when he can start.

Day two of the cockfights and Frank is losing. Shane desperately shouts encouragement from the sidelines, but Frank dies in the ring. Shane looks ready to cry. He picks up Frank's limp body and asks, "What the hell happened?" "You lost," says Carlos. Shane is still cradling the dead chicken when Carlos introduces him to Pazi. His heart is no longer in the case. Carlos and Pazi both assure him Frank's death was an honorable one. Carlos tosses the bird into a burn barrel and crosses himself.

Shane asks if Pazi can hook him up with guns. Pazi wants to see more of his birds first. Shane takes Pazi to an old green pickup. The tailgate is down, a few caged roosters in the back. He tells Pazi about the diet he gives the chickens. Pazi asks if there are more. Shane left the rest at the mo-tel, but he has Polaroids in the truck. Then he takes a rag out of his back pocket and presses it over Pazi's face.

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They struggle. Pazi pushes Shane to the ground and draws a gun. Lem to the rescue! Pazi drops his gun. Shane grabs a handy 2x4 and clocks the arms dealer in the back of the head: "I thought chloroform was supposed to knock him out. Guess this works better." Lem tells Shane he was supposed to wait until Pazi showed him the guns to do that.

Shane knows Pazi's case would drag through American court for years; he'll be "properly hung by his balls" if he goes back to Mexico. Money from the bounty is just a bonus. "Thought we were gonna play this one straight, Shane," says Lem. Shane thought they changed their minds. In a word, no.

In addition to police, the Grove is now crawling with reporters and news vans. Vic confronts Gilroy with his newfound knowledge about the dummy real estate corporation. He asks if the next phase is sending the Strike Team to clean up the 'hood, then selling the properties for a nice profit. Two women are dead because of this scam, not to mention the escalating racial tension. Gilroy offers to cut Vic in. Vic is tempted; he needs money for Matthew's tuition at Glenridge.

Jojo has shown up to drive Pazi back across the border. "Different kinda cockfighting where you're headed," Shane says cheerily. Lem is still upset about Shane lying. Shane knows Vic would've done the same thing. Besides, they just made $25,000: 10 for Lem, 10 for Shane, and 5 for Vic. "What about Ronnie?" asks Lem. Shane responds, "Screw Ronnie. He's off the clock."

If Lem doesn't want his share, why, Vic and Shane could use an extra $2,500 each. Not so fast, pal. Lem snatches up the money and threatens, "Look, you do this to me again, I'm gonna kick your redneck ass!" An idea I fully support. "Don't gimme that look, bro," he adds as they get in the truck. I'm surprised when Shane doesn't retort "Bring it on, bitch" or something similar. It's probably not a good idea for him to be pissing off a guy who looks like he could dead-lift the back of a car.

Julien tells Danny about how he's starting sexual reorientation therapy at church. "God's gonna make you straight?" She's clearly skeptical.

An elderly woman shouts at Dookie that she wants her microwave back. "Bein' on welfare don't make you special," says Dookie, "You got to pay like err'body else." Julien asks if she has proof the microwave belongs to her. After the last time it was stolen, the woman carved her initials on it: EB for Emily Berry. Dookie tries to claim it stands for "excellent buy."

Emily Berry indicates a picture frame, also hers. Dookie tells her it can be hers for $10. "If that's your picture frame, how come that's me and my granddaughter?" asks Emily Berry. Dookie doesn't have an answer for that. This guy is an idiot. Julien arrests Dookie. Danny tells the neighbors to take what belongs to them and go home.

Edgar-veda needs Claudette. The 911 tapes were leaked to the media (probably his doing again) and now there's big trouble in the Grove. He needs her to do the talking: "Coming from you, a plea for peace will sound more--" "Black," she says archly.

Vic asks Lem and Shane about Sedona. She was supposedly hiding in a hotel she and Gilroy liked, but Lem found out she never checked in. Being a glass half full guy, he says, "Maybe he stashed her someplace else." "Or slashed her someplace else," Shane puts in darkly. Lem always thought of Gilroy as a quiet drunk. "It's the quiet ones you gotta worry about," says Shane. My grandma used to say the same thing.

Vic, more to himself than anyone else, mutters that Gilroy is spooked and needs to calm down and see a way out. Vic's phone rings. At home, Corinne drains spaghetti and says it's almost time for dinner. Vic doesn't think he can make it. "But Ben's already here," his wife informs him. Now Vic is the one who's spooked. In the background, Cassidy chirps at the deputy chief, "Come see the bowl I made in art class!"

Corinne passes the phone to Gilroy. He's all buddy-buddy, but Vic isn't fooled. He, Lem, and Shane head for the precinct parking lot. Vic wants to know why Gilroy is at his house. Gilroy tells him that Tony's case is a dead end. Vic should've left things alone and not gone looking for Sedona. "I'll leave it alone now, Ben," Vic promises, "This is between you and me. You leave my family out of this." When Lem and Shane hear this, they start running for the car.

"You gotta spend more time with your family, Vic." says the deputy chief. With a smile, Corrine says, "You tell him." Gilroy adds, "You'll lose 'em before you know it". Vic tells Gilroy to think about what he's doing. Gilroy hangs up. Vic hops in Shane's truck, Lem already in the backseat. "Sheriffs can get there faster 'n we can," Shane says.

In the Grove, the protesters are chanting: "911 for no one! Where were the cops?" It's taking everything for a few uniforms to hold back the crowd. Karen knows the situation is serious. In the political tradition of making promises you can't possibly keep, Edgar-veda swears there won't be another problem with slow response times again. Claudette implores for them to keep this peaceful. The crowd is unmoved.

Somewhere in the distance, shots are fired. The neighbors duck and scream. Edgar-veda herds himself, Claudette, and Karen to the nearest building and radios for the riot squad. A man breaks out a patrol car's windows with a baseball bat.

When Vic gets home, Matthew and Cassidy are in the living room with two sheriffs' deputies. Corinne is at the kitchen table, clearly scared: "What's going on, Vic? They practically broke in!" Gilroy, it seems, already left. Vic tells the deputies he'll take over, then instructs Corinne to pack suitcases for her and the kids. Their house isn't safe, but he can't explain why. He hugs Cassidy.

The protesters turn over a squad car. Claudette, Edgar-veda, and Karen hear the muffled noise of the continued riot from the basement they've holed up in. Members of the riot squad arrive to escort them to safety behind their shields. The overturned squad car has been set on fire. Edgar-veda is no doubt mentally calculating how much it'll cost to replace. The riot squad leader orders them to pull back. End of episode.

Sunday, January 15, 2017

"True Memoirs of an International Assassin"

Sam Larson (Kevin James) lives an average life working 9-5 for an insurance company. However, his alter ego Mason Carver AKA the Ghost spends his days taking out high-profile targets. Sam's novel Memoirs of an International Assassin is heavily based on his elderly friend Amos' career with the Mossad. After a lot of rejection letters, Sam finds a company that's willing to publish his book. However, International Assassin is released as nonfiction.

Sam is kidnapped and finds himself in Venezuela. A rebel group, having read and believed his story, hires him to kill the country's president. Sam is reluctant at first, but is drawn in by the beautiful and mysterious Rosa (Zulay Henao). He accidentally meets with one of the president's top advisers, who gives Sam a contract to assassinate Anton Masovich, a flamboyant Russian drug lord.

I found Kevin James to be pretty believable as the likable, bumbling writer who's suddenly thrust into real matters of life and death. Rosa grated on my nerves a bit. Kim Coates, Tig of Sons of Anarchy fame, has what amounts to a cameo role as Presidente Cueto. Even though there's a lack of screen time, you never fail to notice his presence. El Presidente also has some of the best one-liners in the movie.  

The plot and writing style is best described as Tropic Thunder goes James Bond (a shorter, somewhat weaker version). But unlike Ben Stiller's character in that movie, Sam is aware that he's not the Ghost and is completely out of his element.

True Memoirs is only available on Netflix. I recommend it for light viewing, a lot of laughs, and Kim Coates. Music fans might also enjoy trying to pick out what songs have been changed from their original English.

Sunday, December 25, 2016

So I Finally Watched "Elf"

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For the last 13 Christmases, I have purposely avoided this movie. I liked Will Ferrell in the Ben Stiller/Owen Wilson version of Starsky and Hutch and that's it. Something about the guy has just always rubbed me the wrong way. I thought I got weird looks when I said I've never watched a single Star Wars movie all the way through; that's nothing compared to how people reacted when I admitted to never seeing a single moment of Elf. I went into this review with gritted teeth and low expectations.

The premise is simple: While Santa is delivering gifts to the residents of an orphanage, a baby stows away in the bag of toys. The baby ends up at the North Pole, where Papa Elf (Bob Newhart) volunteers to raise him. Buddy (Will Ferrell) grows up making toys and apprenticing Papa as a sleigh mechanic. It only takes 30+ years for Buddy to realize he's much bigger than the elves. Papa tells Buddy the truth about being adopted. Buddy's birth father Walter (James Caan) lives in New York City and Buddy sets off to meet him.

Walter doesn't know what to make of Buddy at first. In fact, he has no idea that a child other than his preteen son Michael even exists. In college, Walter was involved with a fellow student named Susan; she became pregnant, didn't tell Walter, and gave their baby up for adoption. 

For his part, Buddy has wacky misunderstandings about human culture and has a meet-cute with Jovie (Zooey Deschanel), a department store elf.

Is Elf as good as other Christmas family comedies such as Home Alone or Jingle All the Way? No. Is it worth seeing? Yes. It's pure fluff and Christmas magic all the way through. I especially enjoyed all the references to the 1964 classic Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer in the opening scenes. Jovie and Buddy are a cute couple. It was interesting to see Sonny Corleone's adopted child on the other side of the adoption scenario.

While I smiled and laughed a lot, this scene is probably my favorite:

Merry Christmas to all!

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Guest Review: "Road House"

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Lots of bare butts and violence, but the eye candy is unrivaled. Just Patrick Swayze, but he is enough. Patrick makes the whole movie run smoothly and seem realistic. By the time they got to the tai chi part, I was ready to sign up for a class.

The rich guy Brad Westley, his sycophantic nephew Jimmy, and their henchmen made a hobby out of extortion just because they were bored. An old guy named Red lost his home and auto parts store because he refused to pay the protection money. Brad and Jimmy just happened to not like him because his niece was the fair Elizabeth, Jimmy's former girlfriend. Elizabeth left him to become a doctor, then moved back to town to keep an eye on her elderly uncle as well as practice medicine.

The other bouncers didn't really want to do their jobs. They were afraid of the rowdy men and unwilling to get the skanky chicks to stop their dirty dancing. The bartender padded his paycheck through theft and wasn't happy about being caught; he resented being called a thief, even though he was one.

Patrick Swayze made handling that '65 Buick Riviera look like race car driving. In this movie, I noticed he had a bit of an Elvis complex. He gave Emmett his Mercedes to cover the rent. He had a power mullet and butt-kicking boots, though not as fancy as the guy who had razors embedded in the toes of his.

The romance between Elizabeth and Patrick's character Dalton was speeding along like a bullet train, but got derailed when Dalton ripped out Jimmy's windpipe with his bare hands in front of her. Jimmy had made homosexual advances on Dalton like those he'd made in prison.

What other movie could score with bad dancing, bad singing, and a no-good bartender, wait staff, and bouncers?

Friday, October 28, 2016

Some "Old Haunts in the New Age"

To kick off Halloween weekend, here's a recap of a spooky 21 Jump Street episode.

An average-looking husband, wife, and preteen son watch TV with their faithful pet Golden Retriever. A shrill, Chipmunk-like voice can be heard either from the TV or down the hall saying, "Hellllppp meeeeee." In a bedroom, a teenage girl is studying at her desk listening to a song with lyrics about sleeping with fire. There's some kind of aromatherapy candle burning nearby. Its presence is distracting the girl/freaking her out as she scribbles. She gets up and blows out the candle.

Later, someone pours gasoline over a wooden sign and lights a match. Before the sign is engulfed in flames, we see it reads: TAFT HIGH SCHOOL. ANNUAL COSTUME DANCE OCTOBER 31, 8 P.M. HAVE A HAPPY HALLOWEEN. The same teenage girl wakes up when she hears fire truck sirens passing by her window. We see that she sketched the burning sign on a piece of paper in her binder. Theme song.

At Taft the next morning, a science class watches a film about metamorphosis. The girl who dreamed about the burning sign isn't concentrating very well and neither is Doug; he's doodling some kind of battle scene with tanks and paratroopers. Tom is asleep on his desk nearby. The girl doesn't seem to be in conscious control of her pencil as she draws some kind of building. "There's death in the chapel," she says out loud before getting up. Tom and Doug exchange 'what was that about?' looks.

In the Chapel, Blowfish is on a ladder mounting what look like old organ pipes on the walls. Tom and Doug, working on a project of their own, ask Harry to bring them a hammer. Judy is carving a pumpkin. Doug looks at a newspaper ad and asks if anyone wants to go to the grand opening of a store called Crazy Teddy's. "That store is way the hell out in Fairmount," says Harry. Doug says, "I know, but they have really good car stereos for $50." Dougie, you ride a motorcycle. He adds that there will also be fireworks, hot dogs, and a clown named Sprinkles. Tom puts on a childish voice and says, "Sprinkles? Really?"

Cap'n Rufus tells Tom that his latest report doesn't have anything new in it, except for the arsonist's favorite brand of lighter fluid. Judy thinks it's somebody with a grudge against Taft High. "Who doesn't have a grudge against their school?" asks Doug. Me, for one. The sign out front was the 4th fire in 3 weeks. "We need to catch this guy before he burns down the whole place," says Rufus. An arsonist targeting a school dance? Gee, this show's never used that plot before... 

Doug reports, "There was something strange. There's death in the chapel." Blowfish immediately climbs down from the ladder. "What did she mean?" Judy asks. Doug says, "She meant death, like end of life." Blowfish looks a little disturbed, "So it doesn't necessarily mean one of you guys?" Cap'n Rufus asks if Tom is sure his cover is intact. Tom thinks those symbols could mean anything. "There's something weird and it don't look good," says Doug.

Suddenly, 3 guys wearing Ghostbusters style jumpsuits walk in. They tell Cap'n Rufus they were contracted by the EPA to check for waste dumped by a chemical plant. The younger cops exchange looks. Fuller doesn't know anything about it. "It happened 15 years ago," explains a guy whose name patch says Spengler. Judy asks if the waste will have any effect on them. Spengler ignores her. "Beams on," he tells the other two guys, flipping a switch on a device strapped to his back. "There is death in the Chapel," Doug repeats.

That night, the music from the attempted drowning scene in The Outsiders plays as an old yellow pickup passes a road sign. It tells us we're 15 miles from Fairmount. Doug is driving it. His radio flickers a few times, then goes dead. He checks the newspaper on the seat next to him, presumably looking for Crazy Teddy's address. Eerie lights and fog swirl around the truck. Doug doubles over with headache, hitting his forehead on the steering wheel. The radio starts again.

In the Taft cafeteria, Tom asks Doug if he really thinks he was abducted. Doug describes what he saw as "long and thick in the middle. It had rounded edges, it looked like a hot dog. No, it was fatter than that. It looked like a knockwurst." He woke up at 2:00 in the morning on the side of the road. "I'm checkin' myself for puncture wounds 'cause I think they got me with their surgical tools."

Tom repeats the last two words with a mouthful. Doug tells him it's standard with abductions and he could write a bestseller about his experience. He adds, "I don't know how they did it, but I think they moved my navel." That area isn't generally where they do their probing... "How could they do such a thing?" Doug asks. Tom replies, "It's a mystery."

They sit down. Across the way, the girl from earlier is staring at the back of her empty, flattened-out lunch bag. She crumples it up and tosses it away. Tom fishes it out of the trash can. If you squint, the picture on the bag almost looks like a truck.

At night, the unseen arsonist torches an old car. Cut to just after the fire department finishes putting it out. The car appears to have been parked outside Taft's auto shop. We see the arsonist's dirty white Chuck Taylors in the crowd. Maybe Ponyboy lost it after Johnny and Dally's deaths?

Doug doesn't think they have a chance of catching the arsonist unless they can find out what his next target is. Tom shows him the lunch bag drawing, which matches certain details of the incident. The artist finally has a name: Dory. Doug thinks she's psychic. Tom thinks it's more likely she's the arsonist.

At the Chapel, they show the drawing to Judy. "Didn't [Dory] predict death in the Chapel?" asks Harry, "Even we didn't know about the toxic waste." Doug declares Dory's 2-for-2. "1-for-2," Blowfish corrects. He has a report showing there was no toxic waste under the building. "Even still, there's been some pretty weird stuff goin' on," says Doug. Judy and Harry agree in unison, "Very weird." Then, "We said that. At the same time. Whoa."

Tom leaves with Blowfish to look for more organ pipes. The janitor pulls up a section of floor in the basement. He hasn't seen it yet, but we can see there's a skeletal hand stuck to the underside of the flooring. Tom hears something fall and asks what it was. Blowfish tells him to check down the hole. "Any pipes?" he asks. No, but there is a whole skeleton. Blowfish looks in the hole. "Tom, I think I gotta sit down," he says before passing out. Tom mutters, "Yikes."

Later, the gang gathers in the basement. Cap'n Rufus surmises that the corpse was not put there recently, due to the pine box and old clothes. He's sure they can get to the bottom of why it's there and tells Blowfish to put the floorboards back. "I ain't goin' near that damn thing," says Blowfish, "I opened up a curse." Harry wonders how they're supposed to investigate a spirit. "Call Shirley MacLaine?" Judy suggests. Tom tells Doug that they'll catch the arsonist by taking night shifts at the school; he'll take the first one.

Tom patrols the Taft courtyard, which is decorated like a cemetery for Halloween. Someone walks past. Tom starts to follow. He and Dora run into each other and scream like in the old Scooby-Doo cartoons. Dory runs away. A small fire has started by a Dumpster or something, which Tom manages to put out with a nearby hose. By the time he finishes, Dory is gone.

In the Chapel, Judy, Doug, Harry, and Blowfish are sitting around a Ouija board. "We would like to speak to the person buried beneath the Chapel," says Judy, "Are you here?" "Is there a curse on Blowfish?" asks the janitor. Judy tells him they have to ask one question at a time. Doug has a question of his own, "Are you a spirit from another planet?"

Judy requests that the spirit speak to them. The board flips back and forth between the letters Y and A. "Ya, ya," Doug says, "Are you Swedish?" Judy asks for the spirit's name. The board spells out YATES. Fuller asks what they're doing. "We're communicating with the beyond, Captain," Doug explains. Harry adds, "The skeleton in the basement is named Yates." Judy asks if Yates was murdered. The board points to YES. Before they can find out more, Fuller tells them to get back to work.

At Taft, Doug and Tom talk to Dory, who's helping set up decorations for the Halloween dance. She says the thing about the Chapel "came totally out of left field." Tom asks why she was there the night before. "I'm not the one who's been torching this place, so just leave me alone," says Dora. Doug asks if the lunch bag drawing was a premonition. Dora gets defensive: "I'm not a freak."

"We each have these...these feelings about each other," Dory starts. When Tom and Doug look at each other, she snaps, "Grow up. Not in a horny way. Senses, suspicions." Tom thinks Dory did the drawings because she knows the guy who's been starting the fires. Dory doesn't know, not exactly: "I don't wanna sound like some actress on a talk show, but I feel energies. Images, I guess. I don't know what they are at first. But then they happen."

They may know Dory's secret, but she also knows theirs. She promises not to tell anyone; she wants the arsonist caught. She doesn't like the visions, but she can't control them. "I think I know a way we can both help each other," says Doug.

At night, Dory, Tom, and Doug sit on the hood of Doug's pickup near where he was supposedly abducted by aliens. Dory doesn't feel anything except cold. Doug asks his partner, "Didn't you ever feel anything you couldn't explain?" Tom once thought the bowler on the lane next to him was Elvis because the guy put butter on a sandwich and scratched himself a lot.

"Don't encourage him, he doesn't understand," says Doug. Dory doesn't understand either and doesn't think she wants to. When she was young, she had visions of an important man being hit with a hammer. Reagan was shot the following week and reported that being shot felt like getting hit with a hammer. That scared Dory and she tried to shut out her powers.

Tom asks, "If this thing is your gift or whatever, why do you want to shut it out?" "Why do you question being an officer?" Dory fires back. Doug hears something and declares, "This is it. They're here." He waves his arms toward the sky and calls, "Hey! We mean you no harm!" The spaceship is really a blimp with lights that spell out FOLLOW ME TO CRAZY TEDDY'S.

"Aliens travel 6 light years to get a good deal on a car stereo. Believe or not," Tom says in a spooky stage-whisper. Doug feels stupid and knows he'll never live this down. "You're psychic!" Tom cries. Dory starts having one of her visions. She sees a wooden field, darkness, long wooden planks at an angle. "Bleachers?" Tom guesses. Dory adds that they're on fire.

The three of them pile in the truck and head back to town. A police car pulls them over near Taft High, where the bleachers are intact. "All right, guys, where's the fire?" asks the officer. Ha ha ha...

Harry tells Judy and Blowfish that he went through the town's death records. 4 people named Yates have died under mysterious circumstances: a husband-and-wife murder/suicide, a poisoning, and the fourth was a summer camp counselor named Lawrence Yates. Counselor Yates was also a child molester obsessed with his dead mother. He escaped from a mental institution and went on a crime spree that ended when he was hanged by a lynch mob. Nobody knows where his body ended up.

We hear Cap'n Rufus  laughing loudly. He asks Doug, "You still believe in that psychic crap?" "You're the type who doesn't think there's anything 'out there' when he's standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon," says Doug. Rufus chuckles, "And you're the type that thinks aliens are piloting blimps to Crazy Teddy's Car Stereos." Rufus adds that he can be spiritual. Dory will be a suspect until she sees the arsonist without help from "the other world."

Cap'n Rufus comes out of his office with his coat and umbrella. Nobody responds when he says good night. In words that ironic considering the role this actor had on Supernatural, Cap'n Rufus declares he has no patience for hysteria: "I don't care if it's Halloween. I don't care if the dead are walking the earth. No more antics in this chapel. No more Ouija boards, palm reading, tarot cards, healing hocus pocus."

Nobody listens to Rufus. When Tom comes downstairs from the locker room, there's an old man at the head of the table, making some alarming grunting sounds. He's wearing an odd necklace that may be made from animal teeth. Tom remarks, "I looked that way once after an especially gnarly chili dog." Harry shushes him, saying the man has to concentrate on raising the spirit. Thunder crashes outside.

"He's trying to find Yates so we can communicate with him." Harry adds. They apparently paid this guy $75 for this act. "Good morrow, being of light," says the psychic in a British accent, "I am Zombo, lord of the blue ray, primary energy in the kingdom of Atlantis. My friends, what is your quest?" Judy puts on her own British accent: "We wish to transverse with the being called Yates." 

Zombo agrees to grant Judy's request. He hums and grunts some more. He tells them they must learn to speak in tones to communicate with another realm: "Put your hands over your aural canals. Let your voice create tones. Yates will come to you." Everyone except Tom does. Zombo asks which Yates they're looking for. "The one we disturbed beneath the Chapel," says Judy. Zombo waves his arm around his head: "There's a this area." As in from the hanging. Tom starts making odd yipping sounds. "I can't believe it," says Zombo. Tom says, "Neither can I. Now give 'em back their money."

At Taft High, someone in the science lab lights a candle and leaves the Bunsen burner on. The next day, a class watches a film on llamas. Dory sketches the science lab and gets up to leave the room without even asking for a hall pass. She splashes cold water on her face in the girls' bathroom and takes deep breaths, trying to calm herself. 

Tom and Doug go looking for Dory. In the process, they find the candle set up in the science lab. Tom turns off the gas and Doug opens the window. Tom bags the candle as evidence. They pass Dory in the hall. "The candle in that bag, it's his, isn't it?" she asks. Tom tells her it's his lunch. 

Back at the Chapel, Doug is frustrated. The fingerprints on the candle don't match any known arsonists. Tom reminds him they still have a main suspect: Dory. He tells Doug he's sick of all the psychic garbage. I'm getting pretty sick of it myself since Dory has no other character traits. He wants Doug to go to her with the candle, but not the candle that's in evidence, as a test. Get her to touch it and see if her prints match.

Dory holds the candle. She describes the arsonist as a Taft student with brown hair who's sad and hates the fires. If he hates fires, why set them for kicks? Dory explains, "When he does, he feels control over others." She's not seeing a name or a face, just "fires, running devils, deformed faces. He's there. You're there." Suddenly, Dory screams and drops the candle. She doesn't want to continue. Doug asks, "What'd you see?" "You...dead," says Dory. Doug looks worried.

Tom gets a call from the crime lab; Dory's fingerprints don't match the ones on the arsonist's candle. "Oh no, I'm dead," Doug mutters, standing up. Tom asks where he's going. "I'm gonna go put my things in order," says Doug. 

Tom finds Dory wandering around the Taft High gym, which is decorated for the dance. "The bleachers, a wooden field," she says. She doesn't blame Tom for not believing her. Tom asks how she saw Doug die. Dory thinks the arsonist will strike that night; the devils burning must be kids in costume. I knew that the first time she said it. She saw Doug burned badly, wrapped in a black coat or cape. 

In front of the Chapel's new pipe organ, Blowfish puts the finishing touches on his Phantom of the Opera costume. He starts to play a fast tune. Harry appears dressed as Elvis and asks if everyone else is gone. Judy comes down from the locker room in a skintight red devil bodysuit. "I always knew it," says Harry before singing a few bars of "You're the Devil In Disguise." Judy pokes him with her pitchfork. 

Tom's costume is Travis Bickle from Taxi Driver. He does a truly horrendous impression of Robert DeNiro. Doug slides down the firepole in a Dracula costume replete with makeup, fangs, and a cape. Harry asks if he's Bela Lugosi Dracula or Christopher Lee Dracula. Neither, the big guy is Count Chocula. Tom tells Doug to put on a different costume. Rufus enters, accompanied by a priest. In the spirit of the occasion, the captain is wearing a sequined matador's outfit. "I got some news you won't wanna hear," he says, "Since it's Halloween, I thought it might be appropriate." 

The priest introduces himself as Father Alex. He tells them that a house was located about 40 yards west of the Chapel over 100 years ago. A Protestant minister and his wife built it as a stop on the Underground Railroad. The house mysteriously caught fire in 1888, killing the minister. The community wanted to build a church in his honor. The minister's wife donated the land and had her husband buried below the chapel "to be the church's spiritual foundation." Maybe I've seen too many episodes of Deadly Women, but that story makes me wonder where she was the night the house burned down.

The young officers look appropriately spooked. Minister or not, there was still a dead guy in the basement. "I believe the curse has been lifted," says Cap'n Rufus. The minster's name was apparently Jacob Gwynn. "Then who's Yates?" asks Harry. My question exactly. Tom tries to convince Doug not to go to the dance by telling him about Dory's freaky psychic vision of death. Doug decides to wear the Count Chocula getup anyway.

In the Taft High gym, the students are dancing to "The Monster Mash." Harry patrols the outside with a flashlight. He wields it like a microphone and practices some Elvis gyrations. Back inside, Doug snaps at Tom to stop quoting Taxi Driver. Dory joins them dressed as Merlin. I guess a gypsy fortune teller would've been too on-the-nose. She tells Doug he shouldn't be there. Doug tells her, "I wasn't put on this earth to be taken out in a Prince of Darkness costume." Actually, the Prince of Darkness would be Satan or Ozzy Osbourne, depending on who you ask. He leaves to take a look around.

"You told him?" Dory asks. Tom reassures her that the big fella can take care of himself. One of the jack-o-lanterns has burned out. Dory asks for a lighter; Tom has a match. They look inside. "Somebody stole the candle," says Dory. 

Someone breaks into a nearby janitor's closet and soaks packages of toilet paper with gasoline. The arsonist has jammed a tin can in the doorway so they won't get locked in. Doug comes out of the gym and sees the closet door open a crack. Doug enters the closet and the door shuts behind him. At that precise moment, the arsonist, dressed like a vampire, drops the lit candle on the toilet paper. 

Doug calls for help, rattling the door. It takes the kids in the gym a while to notice the smoke filtering toward them. When the alarm is raised, Fuller and Tom spring into action. The captain orders Tom to grab the fire extinguisher and the students to evacuate.

Tom runs down the hall and hears Doug inside the closet. Tom breaks down the door. (One of the absolute worst things you can do during a fire is feed it oxygen. His buddy DeNiro's character from Backdraft can tell you all about that). Doug stumbles out unscathed. The other vampire's cape is burning. Tom sprays the kid with the fire extinguisher and covers him with his jacket.

"Doug," gasps Dory as she passes the scene. Tom assures her it's not and that the guy isn't dead. Cap'n Rufus puts out the fire in the closet. Doug is coughing. The other vampire is whimpering in pain. "Hey, it's that dork Allen," says a boy. Dory shouts, "Leave him alone!" She kneels next to Allen and holds his hand.

Outside the gym, Dory tells Doug that she's never been so relieved to be wrong. "Don't jinx me, I'm still in the costume," he says. Dory feels sorry for Allen; she could see in his eyes that he couldn't keep himself from setting fires. Tom saw it too. Doug asks Dory if she thinks the visions will stop now that this is over. "What am I, a fortune teller?" she asks nastily.

In the Chapel basement, Blowfish paints an epitaph on the floor: 1888, JACOB GWYNN, A SEED. Blowfish goes back upstairs. A faint glow seems to appear from between the cracks in the floorboards. End of episode.