Monday, June 26, 2017

As Craig Said, "Karma" Is a Bitch (Animal Kingdom; Season 2, Episode 2)

Nicky snorts a line and Craig asks her, "You really wanna do coke before you go to school?" Surprisingly, he doesn't do any himself: "I wanna sleep sometime in the next 100 years." Craig plans on taking downers to sleep until Nicky gets home later.

Nicky straddles his lap and plucks the joint from between his lips. Craig takes it back from her; mixing drugs is an art she hasn't learned yet. "Who needs school when I've got you, Professor Cody?" she purrs. They start kissing. Nicky stands up and pulls Craig toward the bedroom. Unbeknownst to them, the joint is still smoldering on the couch.

Lucy comes into Baz's kitchen, glad she didn't wake him up. He offers her coffee. Lucy would cook breakfast, "but all you have is protein powder." Baz likes Lucy being around. How about they go to dinner later? Lucy gives him a look. "What?" he says, "It's dinner."

It seems Lucy is like Baz's last hook-up; eating together automatically means they're in a relationship. "Maybe I just like watching you eat." says Baz. Lucy seductively bites into a breakfast sandwich she brought over. Baz puts it on the counter and picks her up. "You can eat it later," he winks. Lucy laughs and they start making out.

The bar owner is none too pleased with Deran for not having the $50,000; he promises he will by Monday. She reminds him she has other offers. Deran bets he's the only one willing to pay upfront in cash. "You can offer me a goddamn polar bear if you never plan on giving it to me," she says.

Deran will throw in an extra $1,000 for the wait. The bar owner is going to Hawaii next week to dump her husband's ashes in a volcano and needs the money before she leaves. Deran says she can keep the deposit if he doesn't come through, which is more than fair. "Don't mess with me," she warns.

Pope creepily sits on the edge of Lena's bed, watching her sleep. "Where's Grandma?" she asks when she wakes up. Pope whispers, "She's sleeping, so we have to be quiet." "Where's Daddy?" Supposedly, Baz asked Pope to drive Lena to school. He sends Lena to get dressed, looking under the bed for her shoes.

"Trying to kidnap my granddaughter?" asks Smurf. She'd prefer Baz take Lena to school; Lena hasn't seen him in four days. She glances at her eldest son. "What's she supposed to do with two left shoes?" Smurf tells him how important consistency is for children (says the woman whose kids all have different fathers that eventually abandoned them). She adds, "She barely knows you; you've been in prison half her life."

Pope doesn't take the opportunity to rant about how that was Baz's fault. Smurf gets Lena's backpack ready. The kid comes out of the bathroom, dressed for school. Pope has her shoes, Smurf her coat and backpack.

Nicky practices what I'm guessing are supposed to be "sexy" faces in Craig's mirror, arranging her hair different ways. She hears crackling in the living room. Surprise, surprise, Craig's couch his on fire! She tries to beat the flames out with a throw pillow.

When that doesn't work, she goes to the bedroom and shakes his shoulder. "Craig, there's a fire," her voice is barely audible.

"Morning," J says cheerfully. He has scrambled eggs and toast plated up for him and Smurf. She answers her phone. Nicky frantically tells her about the fire. Smurf asks where her middle child is. "He's passed out. I can't wake him up," says Nicky.

While she's talking, she fills a bowl with water from the sink and throws it on the couch. This does absolutely nothing to the flames, which have now spread to the blinds. Nicky hasn't called 911 "'cause I'm pretty high."

Smurf turns to J, telling him to call 911 and say there's a fire at Craig's address. Smurf asks Nicky if Craig is breathing. "Yeah, he's just sleeping. He hasn't slept in a couple days 'cause we've been...kinda partying." Nicky's still talking a mile a minute.

Smurf instructs Nicky to flush any drugs down the toilet. "It's getting bigger," Nicky sounds worried as she passes the living room. Smurf tells her to take Craig's gun out of his nightstand; when they leave, she needs to remember which bush she hides it in.

Smurf decides it's finally time to worry about Craig himself. She tells Nicky to throw cold water on his face. If that doesn't work, hit him in the face as hard as possible. Nicky's slaps barely make contact, meaning Craig doesn't notice them. She grabs his arm and tries to drag him out of bed; he faceplants into the carpet.

Pope and Lena are at Baz's house. Lena spilled juice on herself and wants to put on a new shirt before school. Pope asks what time Lena has to be at school. "I don't know," the kid shrugs, "Grandma Smurf just says, 'Time for school.'" In all seriousness, Pope says, "You need a watch." (Too bad there aren't any left over from last season's jewelry store heist).

Pope hears distinctly female laughter elsewhere in the house. He sees a bra and a pair of panties in the hallway. "Lena, let's go!" he calls. Lena has also heard the laughter and joyfully cries, "Mommy! Mommy!" She stops dead in her tracks, realizing Lucy isn't Cath. Baz comes out of the bedroom.
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"Lena, this is Daddy's friend Lucy," Baz introduces. He picks his daughter up and carries her outside. Pope fixes Lucy with a dead-eyed glare.

Firefighters walk through Craig's apartment, checking for hot spots. A paramedic tends to Craig. Nicky stands on the sidewalk, a police blanket wrapped around her for modesty since she wasn't wearing pants. Smurf starts chewing Craig out then and there, guessing there was enough cocaine in the apartment to earn him a lengthy prison sentence; he's lucky Nicky was there to save his sorry ass.

Craig gripes that he has a headache: "Why'd you have to get her to hit me so hard?" Nicky's pathetic little slaps didn't cause that; it was more likely clonking his head on the floor that did it. Smurf wishes Nicky had hit him hard, then asks, "Why is this shit still going on? Is that girl on birth control?" "Are you done?" Craig wants to know.

Smurf certainly is not. She tells him he's paying to have the apartment redone. Is she supposed to tell her insurance agent "that my idiot son and the teenager he's banging left a lit joint on the couch?" Craig rather insincerely apologizes. Smurf warns him not ask to move back in. Craig rides off on his motorcycle.

After dropping Lena at school, Baz lays into Pope about not sending a warning text.

J, Deran, and Craig cruise down the street in the Scout. "You smell like a bonfire," Deran observes, "All that smoke inhalation can't be good for you. It kills your brain cells. You don't have too many left to spare." He echoes Smurf's thoughts that it's good Nicky was around. They can talk in front of J because he's aware of what Nicky and Craig are doing. To his credit, Craig says, "I don't wanna be a dick about it."

J says he doesn't care. "You don't care that your girlfriend left you for this genius?" asks Deran. J reminds his uncle who broke up with who. Deran takes the opportunity to rib his brother about getting J's "sloppy seconds."

On a more serious note, Deran asks if J has enough money to move out of Smurf's house. Staying gives Smurf the chance to make J feel like he owes her. The kid shouldn't give Pope and Baz a reason not to trust him. "You stay there, you'll never leave," he advises, "Ask Craig." Craig jabs back: "Hey, asshole, you breast-fed 'til you were, like, 7." He starts trying to grab Deran's nipples through his shirt while he's driving.

Smurf conversationally asks how long Nicky has been living with Craig. According to Nicky, only a few days. Smurf shakes her head: "He sure left in a hurry. He could've given you a pair of pants." Craig told Nicky he was fixing a church's air conditioner with Deran. Nicky didn't know the Codys were religious.

Smurf offers to let Nicky live at the compound. "If it's not an imposition," the teen says with fake shyness. Smurf knows it would make Craig happy. Nicky chuckles to herself.

"You're not staying with me, by the way," Deran informs Craig, "You're filthy and I don't need the DEA banging down my door." "Did I ask to stay with you?" says Craig. Well, not in so many words.

Deran pulls into the parking lot at the megachurch. J gets out first. Craig takes off his necklace and puts on a white polo shirt that reads SANTIAGO VALLEY PEAK H.V.A.C. Deran, already wearing one, ties his hair back into a ponytail. He thinks Craig should have some gum to cover his bad breath. They grab bags of tools and clipboard, doing their best to look official.

Craig and Deran stop at the front desk in New Canticle's opulent lobby. They claim someone called their dispatch center about a funny smell coming from the air conditioner. The secretary doesn't see anything on the schedule. Deran lies that they have to fix some A/C in San Diego later and the rest of the week is booked; they wouldn't be able to come back until at least next Friday.

J heads downstairs. Pope and Baz park outside. The secretary shows Deran and Craig to the rooftop unit. Pope slips into the sanctuary (sidebar: I've been in smaller concert halls) and watches the worship band do a soundcheck.

On the roof, Craig muses, "Churches have all these programs to help people: homeless shelters, giving soup to people who are hungry." Deran asks if he's still worried about karma. Again, pretty sure that ship left port years ago. "If you can tell me that I'm not gonna end up, like, a cockroach, then fine," says Craig.

"Ripping off a church is gonna bring serious karmic vengeance." They should've gone with Deran's yacht wedding idea. Deran would've preferred that too, but Baz is stubborn and he needs money ASAP.

"Maybe that's why your apartment burned down; God knew you were thinking about robbing a church," says Deran. He adds, "Either that, or the lit joint you left burnin' on your couch." Deran is so sassy and I adore him.

Pope notices a pretty blonde woman helping with the sound check. He shyly averts his eyes when she glances his way.

The littlest Cody investigates the vents in the men's room. Baz goes to the church's security trailer, claiming he lost his wallet during Sunday service, giving his name as David Pratt. (Any relation to Chris)? The guard leaves to get the lost-and-found box. Baz takes note of the bank of closed-circuit TV monitors and texts "Go. Now" to J.

J goes down the hall with his hoodie pulled over his head and picks the lock on a door marked EMPLOYEES ONLY. J takes pictures of the inside of the room, which is lined with shelves and boxes. There's a safe behind the whiteboard and one cemented into the floor under a rug.

Baz keeps one eye on the monitors and sees what J's up to. "Sorry, no David Pratt," the security guard apologizes. He suggests Baz check the front office and gives him directions.

Someone who works for the church passes by just as J exits the EMPLOYEES ONLY room. J pretends he got lost on his way to an N.A. meeting (if you ask me, Craig should've posed as the addict). The guy tells J where to go and that the meeting isn't until noon.

Pope goes to the lobby and stands before a table of flyers and brochures. They advertise biweekly Bible study, a mission drive, and volunteer opportunities. "I don't actually have any musical ability. I just love hearing them play," says the blonde woman from the sound check. She introduces herself as Amy; Pope gives his birth name: Andrew.

Pope tells Amy he's looking for a new church. Amy asks where he went before. Pope clicks his teeth and says, "Sort of a non-denominational thing." That's also what New Canticle looks like to me; most denominational ones aren't that big or elaborate (at least not here in Kentucky).

Amy would be happy to answer any questions. In addition to being a part-time church employee, she voluntarily teaches Bible study. She'd love for him to come. Pope asks how many parishoners there are. Amy ballparks it around 1,500 for the mid-morning Sunday service.

Next month, New Canticle is having Mission Weekend. The church hosts parties and raffles to raise money for foreign missionary work. Last year, donations reached $300,000. "I'd love to be a part of somethin' like that," says Pope. Amy doesn't notice his odd, almost singsong tone.

Smurf calls her alarm company to get all the passwords and entry codes changed.

The boys map out the church. J shows his uncles pictures of the safe set in concrete. Craig would rather rob a bank now that the church has so many cameras...because that makes perfect sense. Besides, "people we know go to that church. I thought we didn't shit where we eat."

Baz tells him not to think of it as a church: "They're printing money. They got DVDs and T-shirts and merchandise." Craig wants to put it to a vote. Baz flatly refuses to rob another bank. Pope pipes up with, "If we wait three weeks, we can make 300K. Lady at the church says they do a mission fundraising drive." There are car washes, raffles, and "a fair with rides and shit." Last year's proceeds went to a hospital in Angola.

Craig is now even more worried about karma. Deran can't wait three weeks. Baz doesn't want to take the same risk for less reward. "If this is how this is gonna work, I'm done," says Deran. He can pull jobs on his own. "Go ahead. Go rob a liquor store," Baz challenges, sounding a lot like Smurf.

Deran storms out and Craig follows him. Baz sends J home; he and Pope can take over planning from here. Baz tells Pope they need to present a united front when the other guys are around. J can scout, but he isn't ready for a big-time heist. Whether they rob the church now or in three weeks, they need four people.

Outside, Pope asks Craig why Deran needs money so badly. Craig promised not to tell. Pope wants to know how much. Would Deran do something stupid to get what he needs? "He might," shrugs Craig.

Smurf goes to her storage unit, where she pulls a few bricks of cash and a huge diamond ring out of a safe.

Lucy comes home from shopping and packs to go back to Tijuana. She's been in California for several days and Baz never mentioned Lena is living with him. "Sometimes she stays here," says Baz. Lucy asks, "What's that even mean?" What happened to Catherine? Baz doesn't know; she just left. Lucy questions him in Spanish about why he isn't being honest.

Baz pounds the table. He can't deal with Lucy right now; he's trying to plan a job without Smurf and "the boys are ready to kill each other." Lucy thinks this is classic Baz, changing the subject and getting pissed off. "I had to look that kid in the face this morning and say, 'Sorry, I'm not your mother.'"

Baz is sure Lena doesn't even remember that. (I wouldn't count on it). Lucy says that's not the point. They're no good together and need to stay friends with benefits.

Deran leaves his apartment and throws a black duffel bag in the Scout. "When's the last time you scouted Union Bank?" asks Pope. They have at least three tellers now, plus digital security cameras. If Deran uses a gun, he'll do at least 6 years in prison. "Look, I need money. I'm gonna go get some. Isn't that what we do?" says Deran. Big brother Pope has a better plan and Craig's already agreed to help. Does Deran have a ski mask?

Later, Craig and Deran are sitting in a stolen SUV in a beach parking lot. Craig checks out a food truck's menu with a pair of binoculars, wondering aloud, "What kind of an asshole pays 18 bucks for a sandwich?" "Pope says they also sell molly out of the back of the truck," adds Deran. Don't tell him that; he'll just go for the drugs and not the cash.

Smurf goes to a Persian rug store and meets upstairs with a woman named Gia. She seems to be Smurf's fence. Smurf wants to sell the ring, which she stole a few years ago. She tells Gia about the "restructuring" because the "boys are gettin' very careless." Smurf trusts Gia to make the asking price whatever she thinks is fair and adds 5% to her commission.

Baz might be coming to the store soon. Smurf wouldn't dream of telling Gia who to do business with, but caution should be exercised.

The Farm to Curb food truck workers lock it up and drive it away. The boys follow it.

Baz has hired Joe, a PI, to look for Cath. The detective has found nothing in the last two months. Cath was still close to a couple of her former foster mothers, but they haven't seen her in years. No bank account, cell phone, email, or credit card activity. "If somebody wants to, they can get pretty good and lost."

Baz can't believe this: "3 grand gets me 'She hasn't checked her email'?" The PI suggests Cath could've changed her name and left the country. Joe needs another $5,000 to keep looking. Baz asks if Cath is dead. Joe replies, "I have no reason to believe that she is, but I have no reason to believe that she isn't."

Deran and Craig cut off the food truck, which rear-ends them. They jump out in ski masks, guns at the ready. They didn't count on the food truck workers being armed themselves; after all, they have to protect their drug supply somehow. They make a hasty retreat back to the car. Here's hoping Craig doesn't get shot again.

Pope rear-ends the food truck with a stolen tow truck. The food truck's tires pop and it tips over. The workers shoot at them again. "Hey!" Pope screams at his brothers, "Don't kill anybody!" "Tell them that!" Craig retorts. Pope tosses a flash-bang grenade into the truck and steals the money.

Nicky ambles into Smurf's kitchen, wearing a baggy T-shirt and sweatpants. J, doing his homework at the counter, recognizes the pants as his. "You don't mind?" Nicky's tone makes it plain she doesn't care how he feels about it, "I mean, you don't really wear these?"

They chitchat about the fire, how it was scary for Nicky but totally not Craig's fault. (That's actually true). J hasn't seen her at school lately. "I go sometimes, enough to graduate," she says, then asks, "Where is everybody?" J says his uncles aren't around much since they all had a fight with Smurf.

At a picnic table, Deran, Craig, and Pope toast to a job well done. "We never had any trouble when we did simple shit," says Deran, reminding Pope, "You went to prison 'cause of Baz." "No, I went to prison because a guard wasn't where he was supposed to be," says Pope. Deran knows Pope sees the way Baz treats him and Craig.

Pope knows them turning on each other is exactly what Mommy Dearest wants; he won't take her bait. Craig gives everyone their share from the lockbox. Pope immediately hands his to baby brother; he'll kick in whatever else he has to to make it $16,000 and Deran can pay him back after the church job.

Craig also gives Deran his share: "You don't gotta pay me back, man, but I need a place to crash."

Powerpuff Girls is blasting from Baz's TV. Baz asks his daughter to turn it down. Pope comes in and tells him Deran is back in for New Canticle. Baz mumbles, "I've been alone with her for three hours. I'm ready to kill myself." Lucy went back to Mexico.

They resume talking strategy for New Canticle. Lena ups the volume again. Baz loses his shit, smashing the remote and yelling at her. Pope tells Lena to get her shoes so she can go for a walk with him. "I've been asking her to turn it down for an hour!" Baz complains. Pope says, "She's 7. You put her in front of the TV all day. Maybe she's trying to get your attention."

Baz wants to know if Pope has any other parenting advice. Pope knows kids don't like being screamed at. He throws in, "Her mother left. You're banging some woman that she's never seen before in her mother's bedroom. It's not Lena's fault that your girlfriend doesn't like your kid, Baz."

"You don't know shit and you never will," says Baz, adding nastily, "No woman is ever gonna have a kid with you. Ever." Cue the Pope Stare.

Smurf sighs and looks morosely out into the rainy night. She flashes back to when her boys were little, playing basketball together in the pool.

Pope brings Lena to New Canticle and introduces her to Amy. The Bible study teacher shows the girl to the church playroom. "She's beautiful. Has your smile," Amy compliments Pope. He explains that Lena is his niece; he's been helping his brother out since his sister-in-law left him unexpectedly. Amy invites Pope and Lena out for ice cream after Bible study. That sounds good to Pope.

The bar owner tells Deran to turn the fridge way down when the health inspector comes. He shouldn't put off getting a tax ID number "or it'll take forever to get the liquor guy in here." This is gonna be harder than Deran thinks. The woman wishes she'd sold it sooner, but her husband loved the place. Some weeks, he worked 80 hours.

"Sid had a passion for big-titted mermaids," she muses. That is obvious. She shakes Deran's hand and gives him the keys.

Craig has a beer in his burned-out living room, surveying the damage.

Baz goes to Tijuana and knocks on Lucy's door. He wants to apologize for not telling her about Cath and Lena. "I don't need to know everything," she shrugs. Baz figures Cath left because she found out about Lucy and he refused to stop seeing her. Lucy seems to accept that and invites Baz to bed.

"I probably should've asked you before I told Nicky she could stay," Smurf says to J. Ya think?! "This is your house too. I want you to be comfortable." Are his uncles pressuring him to move out? J wants to stay and I don't blame him. A roof over his head, nice clothes, a pool, not having to worry about where his next meal is coming from? In his short life, J's never had it so good.

The phone rings. Smurf asks J to answer it. When J hangs up, he tells his grandmother, "That was some guy called Jake. He said that Manny died. The wake's on Thursday. Who's Manny?" Smurf replies cryptically, "He's an old friend." She asks if J wants to come with her on a road trip to the desert. He agrees. End of episode.

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