1. Marv: "Santy don't visit the funeral homes, little buddy."
2. Gangster 'Johnny': "Keep the change, ya filthy animal."
3. Kate: "Heather, did you count heads?"
Heather: "11, including me. 5 boys, 6 girls, 4 parents, 2 drivers, and a partridge in a pear tree."
4. Harry: "I think we're gettin' scammed by a kindy-gartener."
5. Kevin: "Bless this highly nutritious microwaveable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen."
6. Kate: "This is Christmas! The season of perpetual hope! And I don't care if I have to get out on your runway and hitchhike, if it costs me everything I own, if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself, I am going to get home to my son."
7. Gus (while trying to make Kate feel better about forgetting Kevin): "I did leave one [his kid] at a funeral parlor once. Yeah, it was awful We were all distraught, the wife and I. We left the little tyke there in the funeral parlor all day. All day. And we went back at night, you know, after we came to our senses. Apparently he'd been there alone all day with the corpse. But he was okay. You know, after 6-7 weeks, he came around and started talking again."
8. Kevin (after flipping through Buzz's copy of Playboy): "No clothes on anybody! Sickening!"
9. Peter: "How am I supposed to shave in France?"
Kate: "Grow a goatee."
10. Buzz: "Is it true that French babes don't shave their pits?"
Rod: "Some don't."
Buzz: "But they got nude beaches."
Rod (exasperated): "Not in the winter."