Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Guest Review: "Hocus Pocus"

A young Sean Murray, who plays Agent McGee on NCIS, is a featured actor in this made-for-Disney Halloween film.

The movie opens in 1600s Salem, Massachusetts, where a widower is raising his two children. The widower doesn't take his parenting responsibilities or his other duties very seriously. His son Thackery tries to be responsible and manage the adult duties on his own while his father drowns his sorrows at the local pub.

One day, Thackery's little sister Emily is playing in the woods, where she stumbles upon a dusty old cottage. Three witch sisters live there. They capture the young girl, intending to use her spirit in their potion (well, kill her, really). Thackery becomes concerned when his sister doesn't return home. He goes to look for her, finds the witches' house, watches through the windows, and sees Emily inside.

Thackery attempts to rescue his sister by climbing through an attic window and distracting the witches by shouting. Although momentarily thrown off, the witches recover. They kill Emily and turn Thackery into a talking cat who will live forever. The witches are subsequently hanged by a mob of townspeople, torches and all. The sisters vow to come back from the dead.

Cut to the 1990s. Max the California surfer dude is new to Salem. He gets stuck taking his little sister Dani trick-or-treating while their parents ignore them and get trashed. They go looking in the witch shack with Max's hottie female classmate. Max lights a magic candle; he's a virgin and it's Halloween night so the witches are able to return. Thackery has been wandering through Salem for the past 300 years, witnesses the witches' return, and decides to help the kids send the witches back where they belong.

After a prolonged drama, the witches are defeated by sunlight. Poof! Into dust! Thackery the talking cat who longs for death has his wish granted and rejoins his sister Emily.

The movie was terrible but worth watching. It was great to make fun of! It was interesting to see Sean as a much younger actor. However implausible and drawn-out the story was, I would rate it as 3 cauldrons full of sludge for the fat, old hags.

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