2017: Year In Review

After a long hiatus for which I have no excuse, Shortstack is back! Overall, last year was a pretty good one for pop culture. Here's a summary of where my love for it took me this year:

Movies:
I went to my local theater a lot last year. What I didn't catch in theaters, I saw via Redbox. My brief impressions of everything I saw.

• Power Rangers: Didn't quite live up to my memories of the original from the 1990's, but it wasn't unwatchable.
• CHIPS: Still can't believe I watched the whole thing; no wonder Erik Estrada wanted nothing to do with it.
• King Arthur--Legend of the Sword: Came out the day I graduated nursing school, so I dragged my boyfriend and family to the theater after the ceremony. Extremely disappointing, even though Charlie Hunnam was frequently shirtless.
• Kong--Skull Island: Absolutely loved it.
• Wonder Woman: Boyfriend Redboxed it. Pretty good, but I still prefer MCU.
• Dead Again In Tombstone: Another Redbox find. I love Danny Trejo, but found it hard to keep track of what the hell was happening.
• Ingrid Goes West: Aubrey Plaza at her darkly comedic best.
• Guardians of the Galaxy--Volume 2: Endlessly quotable with a kick-ass soundtrack and A+ casting in Kurt Russell as Peter Quill's estranged father.
• Star Wars--The Last Jedi: Boyfriend took me. Prior to this, I'd never seen a Star Wars movie all the way through and had zero interest in doing so. I spent the rest of that weekend binging the original trilogy (not gonna lie, the Porgs helped).
• Spider-Man--Homecoming: Tom Holland is 1,000% more likable than Andrew Garfield or Tobey Maguire.
• Logan: The ending made me bawl in the theater.
• Thor--Ragnarok: It's rare for a sequel to be almost better than the original. Really enjoyed the Hemsworth/Ruffalo bromance.
• Kingsman--The Golden Circle: Elton John's performance alone was worth the price of admission. A worthy follow-up to The Secret Service. Although I'm not happy they killed JB.

TV:

• After 6 amazing seasons, Longmire had its last roundup. Walt and Vic (finally) hooked up and admitted their feelings for each other. Henry got the happy ending he deserved. 
• Bates Motel also ended with the expected amount of murder and mayhem. (RIP to yet another Kenny Johnson character, the incestuous Caleb Calhoun). The last man standing in the Bates clan was Norman's illegitimate half-brother Dylan.
• Kenny Johnson wasn't gone from TV for long before being cast in the revival of S.W.A.T. as team driver and third-generation SWAT cop Dominique Luca. Add in Shemar Moore of Criminal Minds and you have a recipe for sexiness. There's also solid writing by The Shield showrunner Shawn Ryan.
• Sneaky Pete, Amazon's original series starring Giovanni Ribisi as a charming con artist quickly became something I recommended to all my friends.
• Santa Clarita Diet. Though I am by no means a fan of the zombie genre, I couldn't resist after hearing Timothy Olyphant was attached to it. He and Drew Barrymore are fantastically hilarious as husband and wife trying to cope with Drew's sudden appetite for human flesh.
• Vice Principals had a solid series finale. I only wish there was more of Walton Goggins as the delightfully foulmouthed and psychotic Lee Russell to look forward to.

Celebrity Encounters: 

Golly days, it might be easier to list who I didn't meet last year. My local comic con, though in a midsize Southern city, attracts some high-profile talent.

• Theo Rossi AKA Juice from Sons of Anarchy and Shades from Luke Cage. "How you doin', doll?" the first thing he said to me in that New York accent made my knees go weak. I told him Juice was in my top 5 favorite Sons and he asked who else. I listed off Jax (of course), Opie, Chibs, and Kozik. "Really?" said Theo, "I don't hear a lotta people say that." Turns out he's also a big Shield fan and Lem was his favorite character too.
• Robin Lord Taylor AKA Penguin from Gotham. My cousin and I both cosplayed as Penguinettes (complete with Cobblepot for Mayor buttons), which he thought was absolutely adorable. He was so flattered I have a cat named Oswald that he almost cried. 
• Jeffrey Dean Morgan. At an absolutely disastrous out-of-state con, measures meant to cut wait time made it worse. My cousin and I waited 4 hours (!!!!). When he heard how long we'd been waiting, Jeffrey said, "Fuck! I'm sorry, girls" and hugged us both.
• Dee Wallace AKA Patricia of The Frighteners. Very sweet, mild-mannered little old lady. She did a guest role on Supernatural and gleefully described Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles as "yummy."
• Traci Lords AKA Wanda from Cry-Baby and a vampiress in Blade. And also porn, per my dad. When I brought up Blade, she said, "That heatseeker guy [Kenny Johnson] was actually like super-nice? I don't know what happened to him? I think he's on some cop show now..." 
• Walter Jones AKA the original Black Power Ranger and Rondell Robinson from The Shield. Told him I was a huge Power Rangers fan growing up, but I really liked him as Rondell. "Oh yeah!" he exclaimed, "I was a beast on that show!" Walter danced me around his booth to "Don't You Worry 'Bout a Thing" by Stevie Wonder, making him one of my more memorable con meetings.
• Danny Trejo. I love Con-Air, so I wore a fake cop badge and an Air Marshals Put the Bunny in the Box shirt to meet him. I also carried around a pink stuffed bunny in a box labeled POE. Danny's first question was, "What's with the bunny?" I told him what I was referencing.
  He laughed and smiled, telling me this was the first time anybody had ever thought of bringing a Con-Air bunny. He asked where I got my shirt so he could get one just like it. Danny also insisted on the bunny being in the picture and signed the shoe box as Johnny-23, his character from the movie.

2018 is already shaping up to be good. Got some fun plans in the works and will update my blog more often. 

"Christmas Mail"

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A good Christmas movie should make you laugh, believe in magic, appeal to your inner child, and maybe shed some tears of joy. The operative word in this scenario is "good." This direct-to-TV romantic comedy offers none of the above.

The central character is Matt (A.J. Buckley), a mailman who is unsatisfied with his life and lacking Christmas spirit. Once a talented guitarist with dreams of being a rock star, fate made him an instant parent when his sister and brother-in-law died in an unspecified accident. His sister's will named him guardian of his 8-year-old niece Emily. Weeks before Christmas, there's a new coworker at Matt's post office, an irritatingly bubbly blond woman named Kristi North. She's there on a special assignment: answering letters that children write to Santa Claus. She takes her job very seriously, decorating every surface in her office with Christmas knickknacks.

Emily's letter to Santa crosses Kristi's desk. The little girl's only wish is for her uncle to be happy and not lonely anymore; she wants him to have "a special friend to kiss and stuff." Kristi suggests Emily help her uncle find his own happiness, which the girl takes to heart. Matt comes home from work one day to find his niece has set him up for a romantic dinner with their elderly neighbor. Days later while picking up Emily from a friend's house, Matt stumbles into a support group meeting for single parents. Of course, everyone else present is a single mother. The group leader invites Matt to join them and proceeds to ask about his sex life.

Matt's boss from hell at the post office, Mr. Fuller, somehow gets the idea in his head that Kristi is trying to sabotage the mail system and asks for Matt's help in digging up dirt on what she's up to. Kristi's behavior is very odd, crossing the line to mentally unbalanced at times. Although in her 30s, Kristi does not own a car, have a driver's license, date, or have a permanent address. She spends a couple of months every year in a different place answering Santa letters; nobody seems to know what she does the other 10 months. She only seems to have ties to her large sheepdog Rudy and wears sweater sets better suited to the 1950's or a much older woman. Kristi speaks various languages, including Cantonese and Mandarin, and can talk to animals.

Despite the fact that she apparently hails from Crazy Town, grumpy Matt is smitten with her. Matt's fellow mail carrier Sally sees this and tries to get them together. Almost instantly, there's a romantic comedy cliche: Matt's former bandmate Heather comes to visit him and Emily; Kristi sees them together and assumes Heather is Matt's wife. They smooth things out and Matt invites Kristi over to meet Emily.

She, Emily, Heather, and Matt have a grand old time baking Christmas cookies and having a food fight with the colored decorating sugar. Kristi spots Emily's doll-size table and tea set and gushes that it "reminds her of home." They wind up eating dinner at said tiny table. Afterward, Kristi is treated to a truly horrible rendition of "Jolly Old Saint Nicholas" by Heather and Emily, Matt accompanying them on his guitar. Matt even offers to let Kristi move in!

Happiness, of course, can't last. Mr. Fuller gets Matt and Kristi in the same room to reveal his scheme. He makes the classic bad guy move of implying that Matt doesn't love Kristi. Matt is to get promoted to Mr. Fuller's job if he finds something on crazy Kristi that Mr. Fuller can use to fire her. Matt tells his boss that Kristi is special and that he loves her. He rejects the promotion to go back to being a mailman. Kristi is dismissed. At this point, my mom, a former UPS employee, commented, "You can't fire federal workers like that. There's a union."

Several extremely unlikely things happen in the next several minutes. The postmaster general in Washington DC gets wind of what evil Mr. Fuller has done, demotes him, and offers Matt a promotion. Matt turns down the promotion because his band has announced that they're going on tour starting Christmas Day. He decides to uproot his fragile young niece and pull her out of school to go on the road. Equally wacky Heather has offered to be the little girl's personal tutor. Following his dreams apparently takes a backseat to his new responsibilities.

Kristi has realized that Matt is her One True Love and must catch up to him before he leaves town. Without a driver's license, she relies on the kindness of Sally. They hit the streets in a mail truck, searching for Matt's car. But how will they find him when they don't know where he's gone? "Follow Rudolph!" Kristi says breathlessly, pointing to a decoration on a nearby lawn. The couple ends up together and going on tour despite knowing each other all of 2 months. Heather stays on as a third wheel. Oh, and spoiler alert, the mysterious Kristi turns out to be the daughter of Santa Claus himself.

The plot could have been cute if Kristi hadn't seemed mentally ill from the beginning. Ashley Scott played her about as subtly as Clark Griswold decorated his house. The child actress cast as Emily was not cute and hopefully some time and lessons will turn her into a better actress. A.J. Buckley is wasted in this movie and I know he can do so much better. His OCD lab tech character Adam Ross was one of my favorite parts of CSI: NY. He made me laugh in his guest appearances as Ed Zeddmore, head of the Ghostfacers, on Supernatural. A.J. expanded his range last year with a recurring role on Justified as scruffy, ill-tempered, dog-loving criminal Danny Crowe.

If you really want to watch a Christmas rom-com, I have no real suggestions for you other than to stay away from this movie.

Top 10 Quotes: "Dirty Dancing"

1. Baby: Me? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I saw, I'm scared of what I did, of who I am. But most of all, I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling for the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you.

2. Johnny: The steps aren't enough; feel the music.

3. Baby: We're supposed to do the show in two days. You still won't show me the lifts. I'm not sure of the turns. I'm doing all this to save your ass! What I really wanna do is drop you on it.

4. (Lisa is complaining about not bringing enough shoes on the trip)
Jake Houseman: This is not a tragedy. A tragedy is three men trapped in a mine or police dogs used in Birmingham.

5. Penny: Come on, ladies! God wouldn't have given you maracas if he didn't want ya to shake 'em!

6. Billy: (at the staff party) Can you imagine dancing like this on the main floor, home of the family foxtrot?

7. Baby: (opening voiceover) That was the summer of 1963, when everybody called me Baby and it didn't occur to me to mind. That was before President Kennedy was shot, before The Beatles came, when I couldn't wait to join the Peace Corps, and I thought I'd never find a guy as great as my dad. That was the summer we went to Kellerman's.

8. Robbie: I didn't blow a summer hauling toasted bagels to bail out some little chick who probably balled every guy in the place...Some people count, some people don't. (takes a copy of The Fountainhead out of his jacket) Read it. I think it's a book you'll enjoy. But make sure you return it; I have notes in the margin.
Baby: You make me sick. Stay away from me, stay away from my sister, or I'll have you fired.

9. Penny: Remember, he's the boss on the dance floor, if nowhere else.

10. Johnny: Nobody puts Baby in a corner.